What does it mean to be alive? Does it mean having a home? Friends? Material things?
Or maybe something like happiness. Enjoying life.
So am I alive? Have I ever been? I feel like I'm stagnant, never growing but never staying young either.
I see mothers and children walking the streets and all I feel is hate at seeing their happiness. I will never have children. I refuse to pass on my genetic defects any further and I refuse to be responsible for another person’s upbringing.
I see the elderly and resent the privilege they pretend to have over me. Why do years make them so much more valuable than me? So much smarter? Surely I have seen more, suffered more than some of them, yet they look at me and act like they know everything about me. Like their age and retirement accounts give them fucking permission to tell me how to dress, how to stand, what to eat? Fuck them. They know nothing.
I see men and I am filled with rage. It absolutely consumes me. They walk with such arrogance, such carefree smiles on their faces while they leer at me or the women on their arms. Meanwhile women carry pepper spray and tasers and hold their keys between their fingers to try and keep themselves safe from a threat that should not exist, from a man they might know or might not know. I see men in the street and want to hurt each and every one of them, I want to put the fear of being a woman into their minds. I want to do to them what they have done to me and so many others.
All I know is anger and fear.
It's all I've ever felt.
I'm sick of it.
Or maybe something like happiness. Enjoying life.
So am I alive? Have I ever been? I feel like I'm stagnant, never growing but never staying young either.
I see mothers and children walking the streets and all I feel is hate at seeing their happiness. I will never have children. I refuse to pass on my genetic defects any further and I refuse to be responsible for another person’s upbringing.
I see the elderly and resent the privilege they pretend to have over me. Why do years make them so much more valuable than me? So much smarter? Surely I have seen more, suffered more than some of them, yet they look at me and act like they know everything about me. Like their age and retirement accounts give them fucking permission to tell me how to dress, how to stand, what to eat? Fuck them. They know nothing.
I see men and I am filled with rage. It absolutely consumes me. They walk with such arrogance, such carefree smiles on their faces while they leer at me or the women on their arms. Meanwhile women carry pepper spray and tasers and hold their keys between their fingers to try and keep themselves safe from a threat that should not exist, from a man they might know or might not know. I see men in the street and want to hurt each and every one of them, I want to put the fear of being a woman into their minds. I want to do to them what they have done to me and so many others.
All I know is anger and fear.
It's all I've ever felt.
I'm sick of it.
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