[ The feed flickers on with a heavy sigh, revealing an evidently exasperated young woman to the network. Her movements are fairly antsy — one hand raking through her hair as her brows furrow in agitation — and when she speaks, her voice sounds assured, determined, despite the weary edge that vaguely frames her tone. ]

You've got to be kidding me. Seriously? This whole kidnapping business is snowballing into one huge action movie cliche. It's totally done being cute or clever.

[ Here, she pauses to roll her eyes, lips parting to emit an exasperated sigh. ]

Snatching people from their beds at night like some sort of perverted, obsessive stalker is completely the wrong way to go about getting help or anyone's trust. I'm not really fond of freaky mouthbreathers or... 'restoring colour and life' to some weird alternate dimension. I'm not exactly Picasso or... Dora. [ :| ] Not that I've ever watched Dora, obviously. [ She stops to briefly clear her throat. ] But this tacky bracelet and my lack of artistic talent isn't the point here. You can't just drop someone in the middle of nowhere and expect them to magically know what's going on.

[ Another pause, before she asks, softer this time: ] And if anyone has met anyone named Bonnie or Elena? Let them know their friend Caroline is looking for them. Who knows what kind of creepy crawlies could be in this place.

[ It takes a moment for things to come into focus. And it's shaky. These things aren't like cameras and, though she finds it totally cool, it's still weird to her. ]

Hello? [ Pause. ] Okay, hello? I think I did this right.

Anyone else find exposition lady kinda creepy? I mean, the faceless thing? Total heebie-jeebies. And then getting the complete bum's rush. "Hi, you're no longer at home, here's a map and a shiny thing, now out out out." There is a distinct lack of hospitality.

[ She laughs, though it's uncomfortable and awkward. ]

Though I will say I'm grateful that I'm me shaped and not... other. Much appreciated "god" [ And yes, there's airquotes. ] people.