Experiment 0-84 ☢ Project Painwheel
02 August 2012 @ 12:10 am
Look, I'm just going to be honest for a minute here.

What makes you people trust each other? I've been here for a couple months and I've run into nothing but people that put their faith in people blindly. It's just... it's kind of disturbing! Are you all idiots, or something?

[ Woah, take it easy, Painwheel. Deep breaths, you know there's no reason to yell at anyone... ]

All I'm saying is that if you trust a lot of people and make friends easily, you should step back and be a little more careful. With so many people here, there are bound to be some people who aren't so trustworthy, alright?

[ And with that, she's done. Way to blatantly mask your own insecurities, Carol. ]
 
 
lisbeth salander.
02 August 2012 @ 02:34 pm
What does it mean to be alive? Does it mean having a home? Friends? Material things?
Or maybe something like happiness. Enjoying life.

So am I alive? Have I ever been? I feel like I'm stagnant, never growing but never staying young either.

I see mothers and children walking the streets and all I feel is hate at seeing their happiness. I will never have children. I refuse to pass on my genetic defects any further and I refuse to be responsible for another person’s upbringing.

I see the elderly and resent the privilege they pretend to have over me. Why do years make them so much more valuable than me? So much smarter? Surely I have seen more, suffered more than some of them, yet they look at me and act like they know everything about me. Like their age and retirement accounts give them fucking permission to tell me how to dress, how to stand, what to eat? Fuck them. They know nothing.

I see men and I am filled with rage. It absolutely consumes me. They walk with such arrogance, such carefree smiles on their faces while they leer at me or the women on their arms. Meanwhile women carry pepper spray and tasers and hold their keys between their fingers to try and keep themselves safe from a threat that should not exist, from a man they might know or might not know. I see men in the street and want to hurt each and every one of them, I want to put the fear of being a woman into their minds. I want to do to them what they have done to me and so many others.

All I know is anger and 
fear. 
It's all I've ever felt.

I'm sick of it.