1ST JEER [text]

[deudly]

HEY.
HEY.
THE FUCK IS THIS? THE FUCK WAS ALL THAT?
WHAT IS ALL THIS BULLSHIT ABOUT HOUSES. AND GODS. AND OTHER BORING BULLSHIT. WHO CARES?
THAT BITCH PRATTLED ON. FOR SO LONG. I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE. OF BOREDOM. SO I STOPPED LISTENING AFTER A WHILE.
HEY. HEY.
HEY!!
I WANT ANSWERS.
DON'T THINK I WON'T KEEP DOING THIS. UNTIL YOU GIVE THEM TO ME. GUY BEHIND THE COMPUTER.
NOT THAT THIS IS A COMPUTER. IT'S MORE LIKE A SHITTY BRACELET.
BUT WHO CARES I KNOW YOU ARE OUT THERE.
I AM HOLDING YOU AT RANSOM. UNTIL YOU ANSWER ME. I WILL KEEP THIS UP UNTIL YOU DO.
ALSO. BEFORE I FORGET. WHERE ARE MY GIANT OGRES?
I SWEAR IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO MY OGRES. I WILL KILL YOU.
......
CAN I AT LEAST HAVE MAROON-STRIPE HAT BACK?
I SERIOUSLY JUST GOT HIM AND I MISS HIM ALREADY.
WHAT A PAL.
HE LET ME RIDE ON HIS SHOULDER. AND PUNCHED SOME WEIRD HUMAN SO HARD. HE RIPPED A HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE.
IT WAS GREAT.
MAROON-STRIPE? WHERE ARE YOU??
DAMMIT SOMEONE ANSWER ME!!!
I AM NOT SHUTTING UP UNTIL YOU DO.

[Don't tempt him, he is more than willing to be the biggest petulant brat in all of the universes until he gets his way.]

[ooc: An opt out post if anyone decides that they really REALLY don't want me to tag them with Caliborn. It won't get better from here folks.]

Comments

[Not here]

[bowdown]

[ mothafuck

there goes her vacation away from you

fuck you green basstard ]

[TEXT]

[bowdown]

[ but wait. He's talking about the Felt (btw, they are leprechaun, why do you call them something else)? "Just got him"? Waaaaait.

This might be. A good thing. Let's try it. ]

ya shoulda listen to da maid
cuz now ya gonna get all the peeps carpin ya aboat the same
watchya already know

[ should she add "master"? Because if he remembers he, she really should.

Ah whale. Fuck dat noise ]

[text]

[averagemedium]

Look, if the sentence fragments are supposed to be some form of additional torture here, that's just crossing a line. Those poor overworked periods did nothing to you.

in all seriousness- not going to be incredibly helpful, I'm sort of new here too, but if I find some form of readmore.txt for this place you'll be the first to know. Might have been more useful to just listen the first time, though.

[text]

[deudly]

WHAT'S A SENTENCE FRAGMENT?
THE PERIODS ARE THERE. TO HELP ME COMPOSE MY THOUGHTS. BEFORE I SAY EVERYTHING.
OR TYPE EVERYTHING RATHER.
IT'S MY QUIRK OK. I LIKE IT.

text;

[biifurcatiion]

lmao what the fuck ii2 thii2.

text;

[deudly]

OH GOD.
YOU'RE EVEN WORSE. THAN THE PURPLE TEXTING ONE.
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS. THEN I DON'T FUCKING KNOW.
THAT'S KIND OF WHY I ASKED. IN THE FIRST PLACE.

text

[volted]

You're shouting at the wrong guy.

Have you tried looking around your house for your friends?

text

[deudly]

WHAT FRIENDS?
FRIENDSHIP IS MEANINGLESS.
IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MY OGRES. THEY ARE MY PUPPET SLAVES. THAT'S ALL.

Text

[alternia_strength]

[So, we hear Caliborn likes typing quirks!]

D --> Your patently ridiculous fa%imile of a quirk does not impress
D --> There is no e%plicit elegance to your br00ding
D --> Equius Zahhak is hostage to no soul
D --> E%plain yourself before I am required to castigate you and trample you underh00f

Text

[deudly]

UGH.
YOURS IS ALSO TERRIBLE.
I'M THE ONE ASKING FOR AN EXPLANATION HERE. SO IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO SHOOT YOU, THEN YOU BETTER TALK.

text; I'm so sorry for her typing skills

[gandrtails]

wtf am i lookng at????
???? ?????? ??????

ur rly annyng

text; ahah oh boy

[deudly]

OK.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU DID IT.
YOU WIN THE SHITTIEST QUIRK AWARD.
CONGRATULATIONS.

text;

[nukeoleptic]

whoah
you are very green

text; 1/2

[deudly]

WHOAH.
THAT IS. SO AMAZING.
I NEVER KNEW. HOW GREEN I WAS.
WHOAH!
SO AMAZING!
I THINK THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE HAS SOMETHING STUPID TO SAY TO ME. I WILL REPLY JUST LIKE THAT.

text;

[adventurous]

woah!! turn down the green there, buddy
its almost impossible to read w/o blinding myself @_@

text;

[deudly]

NO.
THIS GREEN COLOR IS SYMBOLIC. OF MY GREAT VICTORY.
A TROPHY. ONE CAN SAY.
I REFUSE TO CHANGE IT.

[Text]

[caduuceus]

[No. This-- this isn't possible. Is this another nightmare? It feels more real than the last. The hesitation Calliope feels in front of her keyboard is tenfold, compared to her reaction to the Condence. Karkat supposedly had his quirk, but Karkat didn't type in green-- and this very specific shade of green i-is...]

i am afraid they are not here.
brother.

1/2

[deudly]

[. . .]

text; forgive me marion i'm late..

[integrous]

.... You had ogres?

With hats? [ priorities. ]

text; well i guess if i have to

[deudly]

YES.
THEY HAD LITTLE CONE HATS.
WITH NUMBERS. AND COLORS.
IT MADE IT EASY TO REMEMBER THEM.

[TEXT]

[timaeus_testified]

[There's only one way he can respond to any of this.]

Son of a fuck.

[TEXT]

[deudly]

[FINALLY some colorful text he can recognize.]

HEY.
LONG TIME NO JEER DIRK.
REMEMBER ME??
tumut
THAT SURE DOES TAKE ME BACK.

[tipsygnostalgia]

why do i feel like i know you somehow

[deudly]

COME ON. YOU STUPID BITCH.
I KNOW YOU AREN'T SMART. BUT I AM SURE YOUR FEMALE HUMAN BRAIN CAN FIGURE IT OUT.

[suppressthedark]

[UNIMPRESSED...]

God, shut up already.

[Who's this douchebag]

[deudly]

NO.
NOT UNTIL MY QUESTIONS ARE ANSWERED.

[text]

[not_a_troll]

Ah, I see.

Please go on. Your tirade full of curse words and referrals to ogres and maroon striped hats is quite farcical.

:-D

PS: have you ever considered ogres wearing maroon striped hats?

[text]

[deudly]

FOR YOUR INFORMATION. MY OGRES DO WEAR HATS.
ONE HAS A YELLOW HAT. AND A BLUE HAT. AND A RED HAT.
THERE ARE A LOT OF HATS. IS WHAT I'M GETTING AT.

Text;

[chronologistics]

dude
you didnt know??
all ogres upon entry are tasked with the quest to fill a crystal vial with the purest water from some sacred spring in the eastern mountains
its a truly epic task

Text;

[deudly]

I DON'T CARE.
I WANT THEM BACK.
THE PUREST OF WATERS. WILL HAVE TO ASK SOMEONE ELSE. TO TAKE THEM OFF THE FUCKING MOUNTAIN.

[Text]

[comeonthensexy]

You didn't listen to the maid but you'll listen to us?

[Text]

[deudly]

SHE BABBLED ON. AND ON. AND ON.
ABOUT ALL THIS SHIT. THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT.
SO. I AM SURE YOU ALL CAN DO BETTER. IF EVEN A LITTLE.

[adventuretime]

0_0
welcome to asgard?
why are you asking us questions that could have been answered if you listened?
that seems kind of a waste of
...
time!

[deudly]

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS A WASTE OF TIME?
TELLING ME ABOUT HOW I COULD HAVE LISTENED. INSTEAD OF ANSWERING MY QUESTIONS.
SO I GUESS WE'RE ALL JUST WASTING TIME HERE.
HURRY UP AND ANSWER ME.

[feathery]

anything but magic network ransom
you found my weak point thats like the one thing i cannot abide
you got me man ill tell you anything you want

[deudly]

EXCELLENT.
TELL ME ABOUT THIS PLACE. THIS. ASSGARD.