asgardeventide | 1ST JEER [text]

HEY.
HEY.
THE FUCK IS THIS? THE FUCK WAS ALL THAT?
WHAT IS ALL THIS BULLSHIT ABOUT HOUSES. AND GODS. AND OTHER BORING BULLSHIT. WHO CARES?
THAT BITCH PRATTLED ON. FOR SO LONG. I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE. OF BOREDOM. SO I STOPPED LISTENING AFTER A WHILE.
HEY. HEY.
HEY!!
I WANT ANSWERS.
DON'T THINK I WON'T KEEP DOING THIS. UNTIL YOU GIVE THEM TO ME. GUY BEHIND THE COMPUTER.
NOT THAT THIS IS A COMPUTER. IT'S MORE LIKE A SHITTY BRACELET.
BUT WHO CARES I KNOW YOU ARE OUT THERE.
I AM HOLDING YOU AT RANSOM. UNTIL YOU ANSWER ME. I WILL KEEP THIS UP UNTIL YOU DO.
ALSO. BEFORE I FORGET. WHERE ARE MY GIANT OGRES?
I SWEAR IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO MY OGRES. I WILL KILL YOU.
......
CAN I AT LEAST HAVE MAROON-STRIPE HAT BACK?
I SERIOUSLY JUST GOT HIM AND I MISS HIM ALREADY.
WHAT A PAL.
HE LET ME RIDE ON HIS SHOULDER. AND PUNCHED SOME WEIRD HUMAN SO HARD. HE RIPPED A HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE.
IT WAS GREAT.
MAROON-STRIPE? WHERE ARE YOU??
DAMMIT SOMEONE ANSWER ME!!!
I AM NOT SHUTTING UP UNTIL YOU DO.

[Don't tempt him, he is more than willing to be the biggest petulant brat in all of the universes until he gets his way.]

[ooc: An opt out post if anyone decides that they really REALLY don't want me to tag them with Caliborn. It won't get better from here folks.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The best part is that he won't really ever change. Isn't that great?]

OK. NOW WE ARE GETTING SOMEWHERE.
THAT MAID. I REMEMBER SHE MENTIONED SOMETHING LIKE THAT. THOR? AND STRENGTH?
WHAT THE HELL IS A THOR?
IS IT A MISSPELLING OF THORN?

some god or watervs

ma otter question
do you know humans

YES.
BUT WOW. DID I WISH I DIDN'T.
EXCEPT DIRK. HE'S OK.
I ONLY WANT HIM TO DIE QUICKLY. WHILE EVERYONE GETS SLOW.

[ alright, getting somewhere ]

the dudes here

SERIOUSLY?
WELL. IT SEEMS I FINALLY GET TO MEET. THE STRIDER IN PERSON.
WAIT.
HOW DO YOU KNOW HIM?

took ova his planet

BIG DEAL.
IT'S EARTH.
ANYONE COULD TAKE OVER EARTH.

[ true, humans are specially pathetic. But lets not mention it was an order from a certain green dude. ]

what last thing you seen dirk do

HOLD IT BITCH.
YOU STILL NEED TO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS.
REMEMBER THE DEAL?
AND. I ACTUALLY HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.

nope shrimp
you asked how i knew dirk n i answered
nows ma turn to ask

WHAT THE FUCK.
YOU FUCKING BITCH.
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE ASKING THIS BULLSHIT. BUT I HAVE A GOOD IDEA.
THE LAST TIME I SAW DIRK. WAS WHEN HE PUT ON THE DUMBEST PURPLE OUTFIT.
AND NOW MY QUESTION IS.
ARE YOU THE ONE WHO BLEW UP DERSE?

[ see you can think things through ]

fuckin am

Edited 2013-04-16 01:28 (UTC)

I KNEW IT.
YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE BIGS HORNS. AND CRAZY HAIR.
I BET YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE SO SNEAKY.
NOT TELLING ME WHO YOU WERE.
DID YOU THINK I WOULDN'T KNOW?
I SAW WHAT YOU DID.
ALL OF IT.

Edited (sorry forgot part of my reply) 2013-04-16 01:54 (UTC)

[ she knows you did, it was your order ]

enjoyed da mothafuckin show

WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF YOU JUST KILLED THEM.
SERIOUSLY.

[He would normally want to do it himself, but then his quest began and he just wanted to blow up planets and fight a giant sun snake.]

gots otter plans for em before that [ that may or may not involve killing you. ]

AS PAWNS?
I SAW YOU. KIDNAPPING ROXY ONE TIME.
TRYING TO GET HER TO HELP YOU.
THEY WON'T WORK FOR YOU.
IF THEY HATE ME. THEY PROBABLY CAN'T STAND YOU.

roxy humans a bitch
but yo alls swimmin accordin to plan
i wont give you spoilas you gotta wait and sea
but you wont be sorry guppy

now
otter question
besides mashellf what otter trolls ya know

DON'T WORRY.
I ALREADY STOPPED CARING.

[He has planets to blow up and puppet men to collect, he hasn't even been watching the monitors since that shit went down.]

ONLY THE ONES I READ ABOUT.
I DON'T REMEMBER THEIR NAMES.
THEY'RE ALL PRETTY FUCKING SHITTY.

[ no, you didn't stop caring. You just haven't begun ]

dirk n roxy humans r here

Edited 2013-04-17 06:51 (UTC)

OH.
THAT'S COOL. I GUESS.
ARE YOU GOING TO START TELLING ME USEFUL SHIT?

[Not that he isn't excited at the thought to jeer the idiots again, but he was kind of busy doing ACTUAL stuff before being sent here. That annoyance takes over his happiness.]

you gotta ask da question ma man thers a lot i know

I AM NOT YOUR MAN.
OK. HERE IS MY QUESTION.
WHAT KIND OF SHITTY POWER IS STRENGTH?
STRENGTH ISN'T A POWER.

cuz when ya get here no matta how strong yo ass is
it aint no moor
so now ya gots ta be stronga than otter mofos around

ma question
know sum plaice called alternia

NO.
WHAT POWER DO YOU HAVE?

[PRIVATE]

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