asgardeventide | 1ST JEER [text]

HEY.
HEY.
THE FUCK IS THIS? THE FUCK WAS ALL THAT?
WHAT IS ALL THIS BULLSHIT ABOUT HOUSES. AND GODS. AND OTHER BORING BULLSHIT. WHO CARES?
THAT BITCH PRATTLED ON. FOR SO LONG. I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE. OF BOREDOM. SO I STOPPED LISTENING AFTER A WHILE.
HEY. HEY.
HEY!!
I WANT ANSWERS.
DON'T THINK I WON'T KEEP DOING THIS. UNTIL YOU GIVE THEM TO ME. GUY BEHIND THE COMPUTER.
NOT THAT THIS IS A COMPUTER. IT'S MORE LIKE A SHITTY BRACELET.
BUT WHO CARES I KNOW YOU ARE OUT THERE.
I AM HOLDING YOU AT RANSOM. UNTIL YOU ANSWER ME. I WILL KEEP THIS UP UNTIL YOU DO.
ALSO. BEFORE I FORGET. WHERE ARE MY GIANT OGRES?
I SWEAR IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO MY OGRES. I WILL KILL YOU.
......
CAN I AT LEAST HAVE MAROON-STRIPE HAT BACK?
I SERIOUSLY JUST GOT HIM AND I MISS HIM ALREADY.
WHAT A PAL.
HE LET ME RIDE ON HIS SHOULDER. AND PUNCHED SOME WEIRD HUMAN SO HARD. HE RIPPED A HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE.
IT WAS GREAT.
MAROON-STRIPE? WHERE ARE YOU??
DAMMIT SOMEONE ANSWER ME!!!
I AM NOT SHUTTING UP UNTIL YOU DO.

[Don't tempt him, he is more than willing to be the biggest petulant brat in all of the universes until he gets his way.]

[ooc: An opt out post if anyone decides that they really REALLY don't want me to tag them with Caliborn. It won't get better from here folks.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

SHE HIT YOU.
EVEN IF IT WAS AGAINST HER WILL. SHE STILL DID IT.
YOU NEED TO MAKE HER PAY.
OH. AND I GUESS THE FISH TROLL. HER TOO.
MAKE THEM PAY. DIRK.

[He just wants to see you beat people up sorry dude.]

No. I'm not going to hurt Jade.
As for the empress, I have better things to do with my time.

OH?
LIKE WHAT?
THIS PLACE LOOKS ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS DULL THAN MY PLANET.
AND MY PLANET IS FUCKING DEAD.

This place is gearing up for war against a bunch of uppity giants.
Think of it like this.
If we lose here, you're losing all the shit you gained because our universe will cease to exist.

WAIT. THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE?
WHAT A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT.
DON'T TELL ME YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE. THAT ONE WAR CAN CAUSE ALL UNIVERSES TO COLLAPSE?
THAT'S THE STUPIDEST SHIT. I HAVE EVER HEARD.

You sound like you're forgetting that you told me the red miles were a thing.
So, was that a bunch of bullshit too?
I'm reserving judgement on the statement, seeing as I've heard weirder shit than that.

RED MILES IS DIFFERENT.
IT'S ACTIVATED FROM THE QUEEN'S RING. AND CAN BE JUST AS EASILY TURNED OFF BY THE WEARER.
A WAR THAT MAKES EVERY UNIVERSE END IF YOU LOSE?
WHAT A LOAD OF HORSESHIT.

You know how the miles moved through every version of the same universe connected to the original?
As far as I can tell, it's the same deal.
Either way we're not leaving until the giants are dead.

THAT WOULD IMPLY THIS UNIVERSE IS THE SOURCE OF ALL UNIVERSES.
AND THAT EVERY UNIVERSE. COMES FROM THIS ONE. SOMEHOW.
IS THAT RIGHT?

For now, I don't know if it's true.
But that's right.

SEE. THAT'S FUCKING STUPID.
I DON'T BELIEVE ANY OF THAT BULLSHIT.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE.
IF I NEED TO FIGHT SOME DUMB WAR. TO GET BACK TO MY SLIGHTLY LESS SHITTY SESSION. I WILL GLADLY DO SO.
BETTER THAN TURNING OVER ROCKS FOR KEYS.

What exactly is your planet like besides being dead and tedious.

A LOT OF MONITORS.
LIKE. A LOT OF FUCKING MONITORS.
THEY LET ME WATCH YOUR SESSION.
WITHOUT THAT STUPID BITCH. BLACKING IT ALL OUT.
ALSO CLOWNS. AND OGRES. I SOMETIMES CALL THEM PUPPET MEN.
AND THIS ONE ANNOYING ASSHOLE. WHO KEEPS ANNOYING ME. WITH HIS SELF-INDULGENT TIRADES.
ALSO I BLOW UP PLANETS. AS PART OF MY DEAL WITH THE SUN SNAKE.

So basically you've been having a great time.
Wait. Clowns.
As in wearing a codpiece and honking all the time, clowns?

YEAH!
THAT FUCKING CLOWN.
WHAT'S HIS DEAL DIRK?
I SHOT HIM. SO MANY TIMES. AND HE NEVER DIED.
I JUST GAVE UP AFTER A WHILE.

I have no fuckin clue what his deal is.
He seriously survived being shot?
Damn.
I can't decide if that's impressive, or really dumb.

IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
THE COMPUTER GUY JUST SAID. HE CAN'T DIE. FOR SOME REASON.
CLOWNS ARE THE WORST DIRK.
NOTHING IS WORSE THAN CLOWNS.

You won't find me arguing about that.
Clowns are awful, nuff said.
Tell me about this computer guy.

HE'S JUST SOME GUY. BEHIND A COMPUTER.
I NEVER MET HIM.
BUT HE'S A HUGE ASSHOLE.
LIKE HOLY SHIT DIRK. NEVER HAVE I MET A BIGGER ASSHOLE.
I MADE HIM HELP ME WITH MY QUEST. BUT ALL HE DOES IS GIVE USELESS INFORMATION. AND THEN TALK ABOUT HIMSELF.
I SWEAR. I WILL FIND HIM. ONE DAY. AND KILL HIM.

You really run into the strangest people inbetween our conversations.
I can't decide if I'm impressed, or suggest the universe is trolling the shit out of you.
Who else have you met since we last talked?

THE UNIVERSE IS MOST DEFINITELY FUCKING WITH ME.
BUT I'LL SHOW. HOW MUCH I CAN FUCK WITH IT.
OTHER THAN THE CLOWN? SOME ASSHOLE BEHIND A COMPUTER.
OTHER THAN THE ASSHOLE? MY LOYAL LEGION OF PUPPET OGRES.

And now you're here.
With more people than you can shake a stick at.

1ST JEER [text]

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