1ST JEER [text]

[deudly]

HEY.
HEY.
THE FUCK IS THIS? THE FUCK WAS ALL THAT?
WHAT IS ALL THIS BULLSHIT ABOUT HOUSES. AND GODS. AND OTHER BORING BULLSHIT. WHO CARES?
THAT BITCH PRATTLED ON. FOR SO LONG. I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE. OF BOREDOM. SO I STOPPED LISTENING AFTER A WHILE.
HEY. HEY.
HEY!!
I WANT ANSWERS.
DON'T THINK I WON'T KEEP DOING THIS. UNTIL YOU GIVE THEM TO ME. GUY BEHIND THE COMPUTER.
NOT THAT THIS IS A COMPUTER. IT'S MORE LIKE A SHITTY BRACELET.
BUT WHO CARES I KNOW YOU ARE OUT THERE.
I AM HOLDING YOU AT RANSOM. UNTIL YOU ANSWER ME. I WILL KEEP THIS UP UNTIL YOU DO.
ALSO. BEFORE I FORGET. WHERE ARE MY GIANT OGRES?
I SWEAR IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO MY OGRES. I WILL KILL YOU.
......
CAN I AT LEAST HAVE MAROON-STRIPE HAT BACK?
I SERIOUSLY JUST GOT HIM AND I MISS HIM ALREADY.
WHAT A PAL.
HE LET ME RIDE ON HIS SHOULDER. AND PUNCHED SOME WEIRD HUMAN SO HARD. HE RIPPED A HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE.
IT WAS GREAT.
MAROON-STRIPE? WHERE ARE YOU??
DAMMIT SOMEONE ANSWER ME!!!
I AM NOT SHUTTING UP UNTIL YOU DO.

[Don't tempt him, he is more than willing to be the biggest petulant brat in all of the universes until he gets his way.]

[ooc: An opt out post if anyone decides that they really REALLY don't want me to tag them with Caliborn. It won't get better from here folks.]

Comments

[TEXT]

[timaeus_testified]

What exactly is your planet like besides being dead and tedious.

[TEXT]

[deudly]

A LOT OF MONITORS.
LIKE. A LOT OF FUCKING MONITORS.
THEY LET ME WATCH YOUR SESSION.
WITHOUT THAT STUPID BITCH. BLACKING IT ALL OUT.
ALSO CLOWNS. AND OGRES. I SOMETIMES CALL THEM PUPPET MEN.
AND THIS ONE ANNOYING ASSHOLE. WHO KEEPS ANNOYING ME. WITH HIS SELF-INDULGENT TIRADES.
ALSO I BLOW UP PLANETS. AS PART OF MY DEAL WITH THE SUN SNAKE.

[TEXT]

[timaeus_testified]

So basically you've been having a great time.
Wait. Clowns.
As in wearing a codpiece and honking all the time, clowns?

[TEXT]

[deudly]

YEAH!
THAT FUCKING CLOWN.
WHAT'S HIS DEAL DIRK?
I SHOT HIM. SO MANY TIMES. AND HE NEVER DIED.
I JUST GAVE UP AFTER A WHILE.

[TEXT]

[timaeus_testified]

I have no fuckin clue what his deal is.
He seriously survived being shot?
Damn.
I can't decide if that's impressive, or really dumb.

[TEXT]

[deudly]

IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
THE COMPUTER GUY JUST SAID. HE CAN'T DIE. FOR SOME REASON.
CLOWNS ARE THE WORST DIRK.
NOTHING IS WORSE THAN CLOWNS.

[TEXT]

[timaeus_testified]

You won't find me arguing about that.
Clowns are awful, nuff said.
Tell me about this computer guy.

[TEXT]

[deudly]

HE'S JUST SOME GUY. BEHIND A COMPUTER.
I NEVER MET HIM.
BUT HE'S A HUGE ASSHOLE.
LIKE HOLY SHIT DIRK. NEVER HAVE I MET A BIGGER ASSHOLE.
I MADE HIM HELP ME WITH MY QUEST. BUT ALL HE DOES IS GIVE USELESS INFORMATION. AND THEN TALK ABOUT HIMSELF.
I SWEAR. I WILL FIND HIM. ONE DAY. AND KILL HIM.

[TEXT]

[timaeus_testified]

You really run into the strangest people inbetween our conversations.
I can't decide if I'm impressed, or suggest the universe is trolling the shit out of you.
Who else have you met since we last talked?

[TEXT]

[deudly]

THE UNIVERSE IS MOST DEFINITELY FUCKING WITH ME.
BUT I'LL SHOW. HOW MUCH I CAN FUCK WITH IT.
OTHER THAN THE CLOWN? SOME ASSHOLE BEHIND A COMPUTER.
OTHER THAN THE ASSHOLE? MY LOYAL LEGION OF PUPPET OGRES.

[TEXT]

[timaeus_testified]

And now you're here.
With more people than you can shake a stick at.