[Anon Text] The editors are not responsible for any possible side effects.

[2cool4guardian]

 

Denizens of Asgard!
You wanted to know the truth about these so called gods?
The As(s)Guardian has heard you!
No more secrets! No more unanswered questions!
ARE YOUR BODIES WELL PREPARED?

The truth is shocking, isn't it?
How is it possible to be living under the ruling of such vitiate deities?
Well, dear readers, it shouldn't be a problem at all.
BECAUSE THE TRAVELLERS ARE AS BAD AS THEIR UNPOPULAR GODS!

And let's not forget about our blinging redhead and his collection of fanboys and fangirls!
Or should we say 'his pimps and ho's

Asgard is sure filled with tragic love stories, isn't it?
We could even say... inspiring!
ALLOW LADIES ROXY AND EURI TO SHARE THE MOST ROMANTIC LITERATURE WRITTEN BY THEIR VERY OWN LOVING HANDS

The keen eyes of The As(s)guardian have noticed that some of our lovely denizens struggle with the act of kissing. And if isn't the act of kissing itself it is kissing the wrong person!
My, such tragedy!
Therefore our glorious magazine has provided a most handy Kissing Guide. The complete overview of how to kiss with the tongues. We also had the (involuntary) help of Asgard's most famous kissing ninja duo: Whiskers and Sasuke. Please utilize this handy-dandy guide and become a MASTER OF KISSING!





{Images based on real events. That's what they teach you in ninja academy.}

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

((ooc: Well, ladies and gentlemen, here it is! The post for the Gossip Girl plot! Anything too dumb I'm blaming it on Loki. I'm turning off my notifs so feel free to mingle and jump on each other. Remember the network is glitchy so have fun with that too! Jack and Loki will anonfail some time in the comments so keep an eye out for them. If you need to contact us for anything, comment on the ooc plotting post or shoot us a pm.))

Comments

[kuramaless]

[At first...?

At first this is pretty funny to Naruto.

He spends a good few minutes checking it out, actually. Looking at the text and struggling reading though everything.

In fact, the piece about Gaara is pretty funny, and kind of accurate he guesses?

Only...

What... Is that?

What--]

WHO MADE THIS PIECE OF CRAP?????

[bladeisme]

...My condolences.

[THIS IS TOTALLY AWFUL and he hopes he's not next.]

[holyfight]

Oh my gosh! That explains everything!

I have to make my tongue all wiggly like that!

[bladeisme]

[GF no....]

N-No, you don't.

[bladeisme]

[He. just came back to This?!

Well nice to know frost giants won't take people's spirits down, but really?

But hang on a second]


....That's not how you kiss at all.

[AHAHA YES THAT'S WHAT BUGS HIM THE MOST ABOUT THIS OK]

[snugglesjugs]

Maybe ninjas just have a different way of kissing. If they teach it at schools, then maybe it's a way to send secret messages.

[Ninjas sure are amazing people]

[Video]

[timaeus_testified]

[He's scanning through it until he hits the part about Roxy and...the absolutely terrible fanfic with weeboo speak. Without a change of expression he picks up a pen.] You're doing it wrong. With this sort of thing, you make illustrations for all of it.

[Anon Text]

[2cool4guardian]

Two more seconds inside that girl's mind and we wouldn't have made it.

[video]

[ex_outofcontrol435]

EURI.

[Yes, that's it. Because clearly she shared the musical thing with whoever did this - Oswin's gone, after all - and what the hell is that terrible short story?]

[bladeisme]

Snrk.

[SORRY IT'S FUNNY OK]

[necrowmantic]

[Whoever made this had the best sense of humor. Henry has to laugh at it first before he can even reply.]

Huuh... good to know! Thanks for the info! You're gonna keep putting out more hints and tips, right?

[This is why you keep better security on your rosters. At least all his weird secrets are locked up back home.]

[Anon text]

[2cool4guardian]

We're here to illuminate the lost minds. You can expect more from us in the future.

[Audio]

[key_illusion]

[Alright, the beginning was funny, but the moment he hit that little bit about Euri's writing, his brain may have short-circuited.

So...just have some audio of slow clapping. Only for the first part. The rest of it is just disturbing.]

[Anon Text]

[2cool4guardian]

Thank you, thank you, we're here all week.

1/???

[no_dreams_for_you]

......

2/???

[no_dreams_for_you]

[Seriously, what is swag and bling?

He doesn't have any fangirls or fanboys! This is just ridiculous, plain and simple!

yes he does]

video;

[timesnewroman]

The Doctor bit--that one's the sixth, actually. But, um...if you're trying to make a joke, it really doesn't work. I wouldn't doubt if he'd done that exactly at some point in his life.

[Anon text]

[2cool4guardian]

No need to doubt, everything here is true.

voice;

[mullets]

Well. Damn. The more you know, huh?

[anon text]

[not_a_troll]

The more you know! :-)

[Video]

[saving_sound]

[Most of this goes flying way over Hibiki's head, but...]

You're supposed to kiss with the tongue?

[Isn't that kind of unhygienic though...]

[bladeisme]

[NO HIS INNOCENT LITTLE SISTER]

N-Not all the time.

[OH GOD WAIT NOW HE HAS TO EXPLAIN IT AUUUGH]

audio;

[occulthymns]

Huh?

[What is this.

What is going on.

Why is her name on that? What's a "goth"?

And most importantly....]

................................. Vampire??

[That's coming out in a tiny, fearful squeak. Priorities!]

audio

[showmeanguish]

[Pfffffff. Vanitas knows something about the above story's amiss, but he can't help but take the opportunity to tease her over it.]

Well, Euri. I always suspected you protested the whole undead thing a little too much.

[beforethewar]

[Oh great. If he wasn't in trouble before, he is now.]

How exactly did this information get out?

[Embarrassment by proxy. Wonderful.]

[Anon text]

[2cool4guardian]

You need to put a lock on your mind, doc.

[emperor_with_no_groove]

Sheesh... What the hell is this shit, high school gossip?

[He really dodged a bullet with this one! Next time...]

anon text.

[not_a_troll]

The truth.

[video]

[averagemedium]

[Oh my god. He just has his head in his hands, giving the feed the most put-out look he can possibly muster.]

You have GOT to be kidding me.

voice;

[necrowmantic]

C'mon, those were some pretty great puns.

[Still not seeing the problem here.]

[audio]

[needsnoheadsman]

I didn't know people used this network to gossip like fishwives.

[Also he can totally testify to kissing not working that way.]

[audio]

[freezerburned]

I didn't either.

[SIGHS.]

I think it's more the posters making fun of everyone than it is actual fact. There's no way some of that stuff is even remotely true.

[Audio]

[2cool4guardian]

[One angry Guardian doesn't notice the glitchy network is recording when he yells at his partner in crime.]

I told you to keep it PG-13!

[audio]

[needsnoheadsman]

It was you, then.

[Can you hear that, Jack? That is the sound of EPIC UNAMUSEMENT. Really, Jack, really.]

{ video }

[applegoddess]

What the hell is this and that stupid kissing guide?

[Good thing these guys didn't find out about her... thing with Anders...]

[anon text]

[not_a_troll]

The kissing guide is not stupid.

[video]

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ Oh god... Shinji just wants to hide. Right here. Right now. ]

It was just one girl! [ Man. Why did Asuka even do that. ]

...Who's doing this?!

[Anon text]

[2cool4guardian]

And it should've been just one brush of your teeth!

[Text]

[fowlisfair]

[Oh, no, this is amusing. It takes Artemis only a few moments to figure out how to text on this thing.]

Bravo. It's so nice to see that high school level gossip persists even in Asgard. Not to mention informative for new arrivals. Should we expect to see more of these things in the future? Or is this simply a one time deal that we're all subjected to?

[Granted, Artemis won't complain if it's a one-time thing. Nobody needs to know that he writes romance novels in his spare time under a pseudonym.]

[Anon Text]

[2cool4guardian]

High school levels? Please, their gossip doesn't include truth. If the gods don't cut our fingers for this? Then yes, we shall be back.

[Video]

[madcuriosity]

[Alice has no idea what she just read.]

Is that all true?

[Video]

[2cool4guardian]

[BRB HATING HIMSELF at least for the duration of this conversation he's actually proud of this mess]

Alice? I... don't think it's a good idea to read this.

video

[asgardsfog]

[Slowwwwww clap ]

This is what you use the network for? I'm starting to think my brother collapsed from overloading on gossip instead of from being attacked.


[Someone's shamelessly reading all of the things on the network right now. What, he's bored okay.]

video

[averagemedium]

It's what some of us apparently use it for. Think I can safely say that's the first time I've seen this.

[Yep, somebody's still looking pretty put-out. Guys why.]

1/2

[multifacets]

[oh my god what the heck.

did someone really start a gossip mag while she was away???]

video;

[multifacets]

Pffffffffffffffffffffft!

[pretty soon she's just doubled over with laughter. some of these are just too ridiculous to be taken seriously.]

I think some of your information's off. What's with the kissing guide anyways?

[Video]

[goesagainst_thegrain]

[The video wavers in and out for a moment before stabilizing on a Six who... doesn't look terribly amused.]

What... who... how...?

[No, those questions don't matter.]

It wasn't like [Static] ...t ALL!

[So maybe he's shouting just a bit toward the end of that. Um.]

[Anon text]

[2cool4guardian]

I assure you shouting is totally helping your case.

text;

[fantastix]

...yes, thank you for this vital information.

But please, if you would be so kind, tell us what those boys are doing with dying worms in their mouths. That doesn't look pleasant.

audio ||

[eternityalone]

[She's reading and she's very amused by this remark.]

Oh, I think that's some creative artistic license going on.