asgardeventide | ①

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① | video

[ What's up Asgardians. On this particular video feed, there is this stupid troll kid grinning a mile wide at all of you from her crosslegged seat on her bed. And she's got these sharp fangs and bright yellow sclera, some candy corn horns, and solid gray skin. Oh, and one of her eyes has seven (!!!!!!!) pupils.

Yeah, she is basically sort of hoping she freaks some people out. Being an alien sure has its benefits! ]

Okay, so let me get this straight. Whatever powers we had, we all lost them. Which, by the way, is still total bullshit! And it's all because of those fakey fake "gods" that keep telling us they're in charge. They kidnap us from all our homes and dump us here and take and take and take things from us, and they expect us to give them something in return!

What a load of hoofbeast shit. I ain't doing nothing for no fake gods! Instead I will just take advantage of the stuff they've given us and not give anything back. Sounds like a fair deal to me!

Oh, by the way. For all you humans just meeting your first alien, here is a tip. Don't grab our horns! [ YES WITNESS SHE IS REFERRING TO YOU. EVEN IF YOU AREN'T HUMAN. ] It's really rude! Kind of a cultural faux pas. You should all try to be a little bit more culturally sensitive! Jeez.

While I am here, I expect something in exchange for that tip! Why don't you all tell me whatever ridiculous "god house" you were put in? Hahahaha. So stupid.

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Powers, huh? Are you some kind of super hero? Cool.

[ ............. did he just say super hero. Are those words that she heard coming out of his mouth.

Vriska grins like she just won the lottery. The troll lottery. ]

Yeah! That's exactly what I am. Or ........ was. I guess. But anyway, I was going to use my awesome powers to save everyone! And not just my friends, but the whole universe! Pretty awesome, right? [ It actually is true. The part where she was going to try to do those things, at least. ]

That is mighty impressive. I don't think I've ever met a bona fide superhero before... hyahahah, I should try to get your autograph some time!

The whole universe, though... that sounds pretty ambitious. Now I guess you're back to square one, but you only have to save this place for now.

[ She's grinning all the way through. Yes, just heap the compliments on her, she--

...

...

...

Shit! That was halfway clever of him. She walked RIGHT into that one, didn't she. Her grin vanishes, momentarily replaced by surprise ... then another, far more sly grin replaces it. ]

Okay. I will hand it to you, I totally set myself up for that one. I guess I can consider it, if that is what a totally awesome superhero would do.

I don't know much about the super hero business other than what you'd see in movies and comic books and stuff... you're probably more of an expert than I am.

But considering it sounds good. There are a lot of people here who need rescuing. I'm sure they'll be grateful for your help.

Troll superheroes are the best superheroes, though. I bet they are so much better than your lame human ones!

[ Hrm. A brief frown flickers across her features. ] Hey, let's get something straight. I don't help people just for the sake of helping them. That's not my thing! There has to be something in it for me. [ Ladies and gentlemen, the reason she is in Baldr house. ] Like I said, I'll consider it. But that doesn't mean I'll actually do anything!

Trolls? Like the guys that live under bridges and stuff? Huh, I didn't know they had their own superheroes. You learn new things every day.

Mmmm... [ a nod of understanding. ] Of course, that's the only sensible way to live. What's the point of doing something without any compensation? Even heroes need to have some reward, even if it's just statues made of them and things like that. Me, I could never be that respectable of an individual. Not interested.

Jeez. All you humans think like that! Your stories about trolls sound really stupid. No, I am not that kind of troll! We all come from the planet Alternia. We're a totally separate species from you guys!

[ Another pause. Wow, she really can't tell if he's fucking with her or not! What is his deaaaaaaaal. ] Who cares about being respectable! I mean, the rest of that sounds okay. Even if the reward is just my friends being alive! [ Just? ] At least they're people I care about and not just random strangers.

Hyahaha, sorry, sorry! I guess the stories do sound kind of strange when you really think about it. But I never would've thought that trolls come from an entirely different planet... heh, so is this an alien encounter? I could get big bucks reporting something like that. I'd become a huge star.

[ no one can... ] Are you friends usually in danger? [ huh. she's starting to sound a bit more respectable with each passing second. ] That's true, you gotta care more about the people close to you... that just makes sense. No one's gonna blame you for that.

That's what I said at the beginning, stupid! Jeez, try and keep up. [ A beat. ] Hahahaha. Too bad you're stuck here instead of at home where that might actually matter, then! [ ::::)

He is kind of mysterious. 8| ] Well, not usually. It is kind of a long story! But we were being chased by this incredibly powerful demon who wanted to kill all of us. I was going to stop him! In fact, I was just about to leave before I ended up here instead. Stupid gods. [ Vriska? Respectable???????? Shh, don't tell anyone. You'll ruin her immaculate reputation for being a heartless bitch! ] Well ... they better not. Blame me, I mean. Like you said, it's only fair! [ Harrumph. But she seems the tiniest bit mollified by that. ]

Oh... that's true. Tsk. There's always some little hitch in all my big great rich quick schemes. But one of these days I'll find one that works!

Incredibly powerful demon, huh? Sounds scary. And you could stop him? [ have some applause. ] Sounds like the kinda stuff you'd see in an action movie. You were probably all pumped to go off and fight this guy... then bam, you get brought here. If I were in the audience, I'd want my money back. [ okay it'll just be their little secret. ] Don't worry about it, right now everyone's way too busy worrying about themselves to care much about anyone else.

Sure you will! But it will probably only be because I found a better one first. [ She did collect a huge pile of riches back home. ]

Yeah, that's exactly what happened. So annoying! [ Good good. Can't have anyone know she was trying to stifle a more-genuine-than-usual smile just then either. Jeez!!!!!!!! ] At least that I can understand! I still haven't figured out my way around this whole place yet. I wanted to come find my respite block before finding anything else! I guess I will go explore soon.

They always say there's some out there in this world better than you... I guess that's you.

For such a commendable super hero, an inconvenience like this shouldn't be too big of a deal, at least. Then you can go back and kick the crap out of this demon and go on your way, doing whatever it is you were doing before. [ he's kind of afraid to ask what that was. ] Your respite block? What's that?

You got that right! [ GRIN. ]

Uh ........ yeah, sure! That's the plan. [ ... well actually killing the demon would have preceded resetting the universe and maybe trying to escape into a different universe altogether?????? Something like that. ] Oh, duh! I forget you humans use all these weird words for things. I guess maybe you would call it a bedroom.

So who's better than you then?

Oh, that makes sense! I guess aliens would use different terms for stuff, huh? So what do you call a bathroom? A relief station? Hm... what about a closet... or a pantry... nah, you don't have to answer those, lemme see if I can come up with them myself. This is kind of fun.

Hey, I was just agreeing with the part where I'm better than you!

[ . . . . . . . . ] Wow. How about not! Humans can be so ridiculous about all this cultural stuff. You'd be better off asking some of my friends who actually care about that sort of thing!

Hyahahah! So basically, you're saying you're the best? I guess it's an honor to meet you then.

Oh? So you've got friends here too? Not bad, but I guess you do sound like the type that'd be pretty popular.

Duh! Of course I am. I am the greatest at everything I do. Why do you think it was going to be me to save the universe? Jeez.

[ She actually pauses for a second. Feferi is ... sort of a friend. Karkat hates her. Gamzee apparently not only hates her but wants her dead. Friends, right... ] Uh, yeah! No one can resist my charms. [ ARROGANT HAIR TOSS. ] I guess sometimes they get a little jealous of how awesome I am, but that's their problem, not mine!

[ "You're Dangerous"
"No way! I'm just fine." ]

Why'd that end up being your job anyway? A whole universe must have a lot of super heroes. Kinda sucks that they left it all to you.

[ he laughs again at that, thoroughly amused. ] I can tell! [ so glamorous, vriska. ] When you're at the top, you've gotta deal with all your admirers... even the jealous ones. It's a hard life, but you seem to know how to handle it.

Haha, they just couldn't keep up with me. I was the strongest, so of course it had to be my job! Maybe if they hadn't been so lame, I might have let one of them help me ... but too late for that now!

[ Hahahaha... ] Psh, of course I do. What have I been saying this whole time? I'm the best! [ Her grin is wide and unabashed. ] Someday they'll just learn to deal with the fact that they can't measure up.

Too lame to help you? You mean they were so weak that they'd just get in your way...?

Sounds like being strong can be pretty lonely.

I ........ guess it can be. [ For a moment she looks away, a little distant. ]

Hm... hit the nail on the head, huh?

[ Her gaze snaps back to him, and her eyes narrow slightly. ]

Whatever. Of course it's going to be a little lonely at the top! The whole point is that no one else is up there with you. It's nothing I can't handle.

Heh... nah, I get it. As long as you're happy with that, there's no problem.

Otherwise... all you can do is wait for someone to reach you at the top, eh?

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