001 ⚜ [Video]

[387counts.livejournal.com]

[The video comes on shakily and off-center to a vaguely interested, but mostly pissed Gat shaking the arrival letter expectantly]

Yo, who the fuck do I gotta kill around here to speak to the goddamn management? This is bullshit. Can't believe I'm the first to say it. Not the whole color and life hippy shit either - That's a whole other crock of shit I don't even wanna deal with right now - but this letter. Look.

It says, and I fuckin' quote - "you will be provided blah blah blah ensure your health and happiness." Now, I don't know about you kind folks but I ain't been provided with shit for my health or fuckin happiness.

I'm about sick of freezing my ass off out here, haven't seen a damn beer one, and there ain't no fuckin stripper poles neither. [He says these last two things as if they are just as vital to ones' health and happiness and protection from the cold is. Priorities, man.] How the fuck am I supposed to be happy when I ain't even got the basics?

Comments

[ video ]

[unifying.livejournal.com]

[ Wow. Isn't he... ... ... ......... colorful. ]

U-Um. They should have given you a room? Maybe? That might help with the cold...

[ video ] sgdg I am so, so sorry for him

[387counts.livejournal.com]

[Colorful is a good way of putting it, yes.

He leans forward a bit, scrutinizing Orihime from behind his shades]

What the fuck good does that do me without the other shit?

lmfao never apologize!!

[unifying.livejournal.com]

Well. [ BREATHE, ORIHIME. CHIN UP. KEEP SMILING! ] Baby steps, ne? One thing at a time and - and all that...

[video] ALWAYS APOLOGIZE >:CCC

[387counts.livejournal.com]

Baby steps, huh?

I take it you've never heard of the Third Street Saints.

video;

[bosses]

[...the video feed clicks on.

Holy shit. For once in his fucking life, the Boss is speechless.]

video; well hello stranger

[387counts.livejournal.com]

[Gat relaxes almost immediately. While the entire situation still makes all of zero sense, the fact that the Boss is here means that shit is going to be sorted.]

Shit, if you aren't you a sight for sore eyes... So, what's the deal with this place? Guessin' we got an empire to rebuild?

video;

[bosses]

Gat, you are supposed to be fucking dead.

[Not that the Boss is complaining, but good fucking lord!]

[shigeharu]

If the management are supposedly gods, maybe you'd have to kill yourself to see them.

[He's seen at least one of them on the way in anyway, so he's completely aware what he's saying is bullshit.]

[387counts.livejournal.com]

[Gat is far from impressed]

Been there done that. Wanna try again, smartass?

[shigeharu]

[Nobody's ever impressed by the mini-samurai, he has transcended the realms of actually giving a fuck.]

Well, you asked.

They were hanging around a few days ago, though.

[saintdoms.livejournal.com]

... The fuck. Johnny?

[ Whatever shock that registers is brief. A few of the other posts on whatever the fuck network this was had mentioned being snatched from the grave, so maybe it isn't too surprising to see that Gat can even conquer death itself.

But, mostly, she's slightly :| at his current priorities. ]

Someone sends you into some freaky voodoo Alice in Wonderland pit and you're worried about ambience and stripper poles. [ So very deadpan. ] I'm gonna assume you didn't find your room yet if you're still walking around outside and turning into a fleshy human popsicle.

video; get hijacked

[bosses]

[Wh--]

Shaundi, when the fuck did you get here too?

[video]

[387counts.livejournal.com]

Good to see you too, Shaundi.

[He shrugs, obviously unfazed by Shaundi of all people judging his priorities]

Shit yeah. They want life in this bitch, what better way to get it than a few stripper poles here and there? [God, Shaundi, it's so obvious.

There's a pause before - ] Wait, I got a room? How the fuck was I supposed to - Where the fuck is it?

[at_heart]

[ oh. oh, allllll the laughing. he might make himself sick.

but he gets it under control before he actually responds to the video, so it's just a faint, smothered smirk. ]

Have you looked around thoroughly? Maybe they're hiding.

[387counts.livejournal.com]

[Completely, 100% unamused]

Well, when the Saints are done with this place? There won't be any place to hide.

[at_heart]

[ it's cool, he's calm now. just slightly quirked lips! ]

The Saints?

[video]

[charming-jerk.livejournal.com]

You ain't the first to say it, man. I think what would make me happy is to not be kidnapped 'n' forced into this shit, ya know? Also, a beer would be awesome.

[video]

[387counts.livejournal.com]

That's what I'm fuckin' talking about! Finally, someone on the same - [WHOA whoa whoa wait you are like... Unnaturally white. Gat taps at the 'screen' to no avail, trying to find a way to adjust it before realizing that no, the color is displaying just fine. This is awkward] Yo, what the fuck is wrong with your face?

[charming-jerk.livejournal.com]

[Johnny's attitude quickly changes at that. On top of being snow white, his eyes lack pupils and his teeth are pointy. Yay.]

Nothin's wrong with my face, jackass!

video;

[satisfies]

They have skimped a bit on the bare necessities, haven't they? sigh. ] You just have to sort of improvise.

Or maybe those are the things they brought us here for.

video;

[387counts.livejournal.com]

You ever try and improvise stripper poles?

[You get the most incredulous look. It really says all you need to know -]

Shit doesn't end well.

video;

[satisfies]

Can't be that hard, can it? I mean... they're just poles.

[ he gives it some thought, before shaking his head. ]

I guess that kinda thing oughta be left to the professionals though.

[democratize]

Stripper poles?

[387counts.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

Poles.

For strippers.

[democratize]

Sorry, I don't know what a stripper is.