3; video/action

[takebow]

[The feed opens up with a thud, the thud of someone's fist hitting the wall. And that would be what causes the bracelet activating at the same time.]

...you gotta be -- there's no way... [Some more, louder thuds as said someone goes into an unattractive temper tantrum.] I'll never-- I--

[Another thud and the bracelet deactivates without her having ever known it was on. But just a short while later, Yukari does intentionally make a video post. Because for some reason she feels it's chickening out on a text post. Her expression is cautious, neutral.]

...H-Hey. I know there's always a few of these messages, but... [y'all can suck it up] Minato-kun's gone... again, I guess. [She takes a breath, carefully concealing a catch in her throat.]

I... don't need to hear anyone feel sorry for me, okay? [Wait, why did she even say that? She regrets it immediately; nothing good can come of it. She either looks like a defensive idiot or alienates her friends, and either way looks totally self-obsessed, because obviously not everyone knows that they're -- Whatever. She's just rambling now... better get off this quickly.] I mean... Sorry, it's not that I wouldn't--ya know--appreciate that, but... [She waves a hand.] Just--Just don't want to hear that again. That's it. 

[Ooookay. Still kind of a disaster. But that's as good as she can probably do right now, right?

She cuts the feed and then leaves Freya House to go wander the district and make her way gradually around, through Sigyn and back, just walking to cool off.]

Comments

[samantha_grey]

Sounds like a plan, then. You might look into the library or the hospital. Something that a lot of people need and use around town, but that isn't a shop. There's bound to be one of those things that could use another helping hand, after all. Maybe talk to Doctor Watson about first aid lessons while you're at it.

[takebow]

Mmm... Mm, yeah, those are good ideas, Sam... Definitely would be better than sitting around, stewing in - bad feelings and stuff.

[samantha_grey]

I've gotta say. It does help take your mind off of other crap one way or another. I've been surprised how much it's helped me to have something to do, so I understand wanting one yourself.

[takebow]

Exactly. I'll look for it... Maybe even tomorrow.

[Or maybe she won't do anything tomorrow except have her first hangover? It all depends.]

Anything new with you? Oh, I guess you were probably part of the team that found the vaccine in the end, huh? Nice work with that.

[samantha_grey]

Well, I helped with getting the materials together and working on the medicine. But, really, it was the doctors who pulled the big work off in the end. I don't like taking the credit on it, but I was glad to help.

These days, I've been working on herbs a lot. [She took another gulp of her cooler.] Work keeps me from thinking about other things as much, and there's still a few other things to keep me busy, like some idiots and other folks that seem to not mind me even if I go crazy now and again.

Been thinking about the whole militia thing Arthur's talking about. Might join.

[takebow]

Hmm. Wonder if I'm an idiot or an other folk. [She laughs.]

Militia? [Someone hasn't been checking the network.] What's that?

[samantha_grey]

Nope, just really really stubborn. [A thin chuckle.] You know what you're getting into by now, better than most. I think you know better than to go easy if I go nuts around you.

It's like an army, only smaller. They're trying to organize an actual sort of military structure. Problem for me's not fighting. I just suck at taking orders, and I really don't trust myself not to lose it. I prefer smaller tactics.

[takebow]

Definitely. Yeah, no, Ms. Crazy-Stabby Bad-Samantha isn't getting any leniency from me. [She rambles just a little bit there.]

Um. Well, if you prefer something smaller, maybe you should see if there is something smaller.

[samantha_grey]

Heh, good. That side of me doesn't need any leeway.

[Nervous chuckle. Moving on...]

I'm going to wait and see what he puts together, and if some other sort of organization forms up. If he starts sending out small teams, I might tack onto that, but I'm not going to organize it. The research takes just enough time that I can't spare it for that, and I think until I know I'm safe I'd rather not lead anything around here.

[takebow]

Sounds reasonable to me...

[BARRELING BACK...]

I don't really think of her as a side of you anyway, ya know? No, I mean, it's more like a separate person totally. That's what makes it okay, I know I'll be able to do what it takes.

[samantha_grey]

You can do whatever you have to to handle it. I have to keep in mind that she is me. It's important to me that I keep myself accountable for what she does. Even if I'm not punished for the things I do when I'm like that, I need to do this so I keep myself responsible for fixing this, help or no help. But if you need to think she's someone else so you can stop her... you do that.

Just... [and she looked worried for a second.] Please stop antagonizing her. I remember what she wanted to do to you, Yukari... What she said.

[takebow]

Oh, well... [Yukari, a little embarrassed, goes back to the drink.]

I mean, it's not like she wouldn't wanna do that stuff to me even if I didn't antagonize her, really. I'm not about to let her either way.

[samantha_grey]

[She sighed and nodded. She didn't want to explain that pissing that side of her off could make things worse at times.]

Something... like that. As long as you make sure it stays that way, Yukari, I'll be happy. I don't want to have to apologize to you afterwards. I've had enough apologies for a while.

[takebow]

Well, you don't have to apologize to me no matter what happens, okay? I mean I know you prolly will even if nothing happens. But yeah. I'll make sure. I can take care of myself, ya know.

[samantha_grey]

I will, but yeah. It's good that you know how to take care of yourself. And if we keep her out of sight, you won't have to.

[takebow]

That's the spirit...! [ She pats Sam on the back before draining the last of her drink.]

[samantha_grey]

[She chuckled and set her own down, smiling over at her in a thin fashion. It didn't really reach her eyes, but her smiles rarely did.]

You want another, or you good?

[takebow]

Um... I'll have another, but I won't start on it for a coupla minutes... Yeah, that sounds good.

[samantha_grey]

[She polished hers off and nodded to a waiter, whispering to him to bring another pair in a minute.]

It's easy to overdo it with these things. Don't go too crazy on them, Yukari. The fizzy goes straight to your head, though it makes things feel better faster that way.

[takebow]

... No harm in overdoing it just a little for one night, right? I already do feel better.

[samantha_grey]

[She laughed and sighed.]

I'm going to have to help you back to Freya, aren't I? Not that it's always a bad thing. You deserve a break tonight. We all need to forget sometimes.

[takebow]

Yeah. Yeah, no, that's exactly it. Just for a day, ya know... I mean, I wish I could've done that at home, but -- you know what, it's better here. To do it here, I mean. There's none of the other stupid stuff... even if it keeps happening, at least I'm used to it now.

[ramble ramble...] Basically, I mean, I don't wanna forget about how I learned ... to forget. You know?

[samantha_grey]

[That got a raised eyebrow and a waved motion. the drinks were in front of them pretty quick afterwards and she took a swig from her bottle.]

That's a two drink lesson, and I'm only at one drink. I barely feel this stuff some days, so I'm going to need to catch up.

Not sure I understand, but I think I get it. It doesn't work at home, but here it's ok?

[takebow]

No, I mean... I could never forget at home. Well, I couldn't drink anything at home. Or I could if I wanted to, but seriously the very last thing I wanted to do was ask some sketchy boy for a drink after Minato-kun--died I mean I didn't want to do it before, either. Anyway, it's different here.

And I couldn't. Because I promised him I wouldn't, I'd keep going, on, I mean... And so I was just barreling on doing stuff, and all the whole time I Was just holding on tighter when you're supposed to let go. You know, like, if you're supposed to loosen up but you tense up instead, when you're - stretching or aiming a bow or whatever. I couldn't forget at all because I was telling myself I had to the whole time.

[gulp]-- But then I got here and I got so much better at forgetting. It didn't hurt that he was here, and then gone again, and I guess I got practice at losing him, huh?

And that hurts too, but actually now that I know how, it's really... [She gestures with her drink.]

[samantha_grey]

[She listened to all of it and then reached over to Yukari's hand and tried to put it around the drink, taking a swig of her own and nodding.]

You're so Freya it hurts. You're hung up on him in ways I can't even begin to imagine, and he's dead for you... I guess you can't go back and bring him back from the dead either. God.

No, you don't have to be that here. If he's here, enjoy your time together. Here's not there. Hell, maybe when it's done you two could stay a little longer. There's... nothing wrong with a little escape. Not once in a while.

Tonight, just drink yourself silly. I'll make sure you get home safe.

[She managed that out, but really this was more than she was used to dealing with. Yukari had issues, just like she had her share. She didn't feel selfish for dwelling on her own, but she didn't really have a solution to the kind of heart ache Yukari must have gotten used to pushing down. She'd never managed to get anything close to a real relationships, just half carbon copies of them that faded like mirages after blood and pain.

Was she opening herself to this kind of hell?]

Is he really worth it?