asgardeventide | oo5 ❋ voice

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oo5 ❋ voice

[For a few moments, the only thing that could be heard was the muffled sound of someone crying before the feed cut. She was trying to say something, but her sobs overwhelmed her, and she found it impossible to speak.

After a few minutes, Gwen tried again. Her voice was still shaky, and she still sounded like she was crying, or rather, trying to hold back the sobs.]

I... I am so sorry. About everything. [The tears started up again as the memories of last month rush back.] If you want nothing to do with me, I understand. [Because she didn't want anything to do with herself either. But that was all she could say before the tears rushed back, ending her call.

For the most part, Gwen will be avoiding people she cares about, but they're welcomed to run into her. She's going to try and clear out her room in Thor and move out to get away from the people she hurt. Thought right now, she's unsure about where she'll go, Sigyn seems like a good plan for the time being.]

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Oh, child...

[Her voice is gentle as can be, masking all of the pain she feels. The devastation in the city was hard enough to bear, but hearing the true devastation of a traveller is a thousand times more terrible.]

I am merely a guest in this city for a short time, an emissary of goodwill and solidarity, but I would have an open ear if you desired a neutral party with which to speak. Of course I cannot truly understand, but I also cannot judge.

You don't know me. Not really.

But we were ... caught up in that together. I don't really have any words of reassurance, except that I understand why you feel guilty instead of ... not.

[He pauses.]

Er, what I mean to say is, if you'd like to talk, or have company with someone who understands, I am here.

You were not to blame. Nor were the others.

[He'd managed not to get as upset as she obviously was, publicly, but it didn't mean that the things they'd done didn't weigh heavy on his heart too.

He was waiting for forgiveness from a couple of people... and honestly? It was beginning to look like it wasn't an option but he would still keep moving forward, because that's what he does. He's just also keen to drag anyone else along for the ride.]

Oi. You talked to people yet or what?

[Oh. Oh no. He knows this guilt, and knows that she was caught up in that terrible event as he had been. It is somewhat like Alice told him; he couldn't let anyone else be crushed by the guilt, including people who he didn't even know.

When he speaks, his voice is quiet and hopefully soothing.]

Lady Guinevere...

[There's a pause. How does he put this? He can't be forgiving, because he was one of the people who also did horrible things. Well...here goes nothing.]

I know how you feel. Thiazi made me torture and kill people, including Natives who can't be brought back. I colored some of the grey areas in the city with the pain and suffering of those very Natives. Trust me, I know how much this guilt can crush the spirit.

But one thing I've learned is that the people who love you know that it wasn't your doing. They know Thiazi was the one holding the strings and that you're not at fault.

Goodness knows I've had that verbally beaten into my head enough times now. Please don't hide.

I do not wish to trouble you with such a horrific matter.

Yes. I remember you.

[And because she doesn't want to speak about herself:] How are you doing?

But was it still not I who committed such horrific acts? These... these memories. I did it. I was used as a pawn and I did such unspeakable things.

As of yet, no. Though I do not know if I can.

I could be better. Honestly, I'm sick of hearing that it "wasn't me."

[Though she hears his words and in a way, she agrees with them, because she know that this is what she would be telling other people. Not to mention if the shoe were on the other foot, she wouldn't be upset if someone killed her when they weren't in control of themselves.

And yet, she cannot bring herself to forgive herself. That's what was so difficult.]

I don't know what else to do. I cannot stand myself. How can I allow other's to be around me?

Is this something we are supposed to believe...? [Because she can't. If it wasn't her, then why does she have memories of doing it? Why is she plagued with nightmares of everything that happened? Why does she hate herself so much?

She knows that it wasn't really her, but at the same time it was.]

By your hand, not by your will.

Or would you commit such crimes again?

No! I would never do such a thing, but the memories will always be there.

[ Arthur startles when he hears rummaging in the next room. He'd thought everyone was out for the day, and it's far too early for them to have returned. ( He doesn't think about why he's not at the Citadel; the bodies were properly laid to rest and the blood's been cleaned, but - )

The curse is lifted, that much is sure, but a small vein of paranoia keeps Arthur strung tight as he gently nudges the door across the hall open to find: ]

Guinevere.

[ It's a sigh of relief, he's glad to see her, and that tension leaves his body immediately as he steps into the room fully. ]

Thank the gods, I thought we'd lost -

[ she's packing. He stops midstep, suddenly feeling as though the ground had been swept away altogether. ]

What are you doing?

I assure you, it would not be any trouble to me. I have come with the express purpose to aid in the healing of this city, and if I can help to heal one heart while I am here, it will be a greater gift than it could ever be trouble.

[Dany looks worriedly at her. Maybe she doesn't yet know Gwen very well, but she seemed sweet the times when she talked to her, and doesn't like the thought of her being sad.]

What is wrong, why do you have to be sorry?

I told you.

And how can I be healed at a time like this? [She mainly asks because she doesn't believe she deserves this kindness. Though she doesn't want these memories anymore, she feels like she deserves them as punishment.]

...I know.

Too many things to list.

[Damn, this seems serious...]

Did you happen to be one of Thiazi's... victims?

[It was much easier to pack when n one was home. She felt a little better about that. Seeing them, anyone, would've broke her, and she finally just stopped crying.

However, the sound of footsteps broke her silence, and once she heard his voice, she froze. Memories of what she did and how he was framed rushed back an brought tears to her eyes. She hated thinking about those awful acts, but those seemed to be the only memories she had at the moment.]

I... I will be out of here soon. [She refused to look at him. Refused to let him see her like this. He was a King, and a seemingly good one at that. He didn't need to be bothered by her.]

[No words. Only a nod and eyes full of tears.]

I thought the same way, but it only hurts them more if they think you can't trust them to realize that you would never do that. Surely you know that they'd never think such a thing about you.

I'm sure they'll want to help and comfort you. They are good people. Merlin especially! He's a good, kind lad and he'd never think that those terrible things were you.

Please, talk to one of them at least. Even as much of an oaf as Arthur is, I'm sure he'll be understanding.

[He gives her a little encouraging grin, hoping his poking fun at Arthur would at least ease her crying a bit more, if not bring out a ghost of a smile.]

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