asgardeventide | 05 - Video of Equius Zahhak Sucking at Advertising

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05 - Video of Equius Zahhak Sucking at Advertising

[Behold, it's a young, snaggle-toothed, gray-skinned guy in a black and blue tank-top wearing shades past sunset, one of his horns broken already. A few of you know him as the creepy afficianado of all things vaguely related to towels and archery. It's debatable whether or not he's particularly well-suited for either of these things, if we're being honest.

However, at the moment, there's grease smudges over his face and hands as he's wiping them off on a filthy looking towel. In the distance, a mewing sound that's vaguely humanoid can be heard.]

Yes, yes. I will inform the collective troglodytes and unwashed masses of this venture. Yes, that is a completely appropriate way to refer to them. They do not bathe nearly often enough and most of them do not have nearly enough towels.

[He sighs and grunts, half aware that he is already broadcasting and starting to sweat. He mops his forehead with the towel.

...

This just gets more grease smudges on him.]

As my employee Nepeta reminds me, it is wise to advertise the availability of new resources to some who might require them. I am Equius Zahhak, and this is Black and Blue. With the rise of such vehicular monstrosities as some of you claim to be accustomed to, I have familiarized myself with their inner-workings and the needs of the compressed detritus in liquified form that they require. [Pro Tip: He means gas.]

For all of your fuel and vehicular repair needs come to Black and Blue, where we will affix the necessary elements. Improvements and modifications are available on request, so long as I can get the parts. This world is incredibly back-water in terms of technologies, after all.

...

And Nepeta reminds me to say that there is plenty of ... candy in the front desk while you are waiting. She assures me it is delicious... repeatedly.

Come. I command it.

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[The moment he's done broadcasting she climbs onto his back, clinging to him.]

There, see! That wasn't too bad! ...except next time don't insult them to their faces and command them to come over. It might work a little better without that.

I am not insulting them. They are unwashed, and many of them reek to high heaven, Nepeta. I am only stating the facts!

[In a horrifically insulting way.

He sighed and then shook his head.]

I will try to remember, though, that they are not her Condescensions's subjects yet, and that I cannot go around ordering them as if they were rust bloods.

You're not saying it very nicely, and there isn't really any need for you to say it at all. We want them to buy from us! And they won't if you're not polite.

...and you shouldn't go ordering them around like that even if they were.

[She pokes him in the side a little. Silly meowrail.]

[He sighed again and fussed. This wasn't an easy topic yet. Patting her once on the head, Equius considered the matter for the ten-thousandth time in the last several weeks.]

It is our culture, Nepeta... our place. Admittedly, I suppose that I make exceptions for Aradia when she is about... even if part of me wishes she'd order me around again. [That solicited more mopping and he coughed to clear his throat.]

None of this makes the lowbloods besides her that good of an influence, though I suppose Tavros is harmless enough, even if that is half the problem with him.

Our culture is gone, Equius! Alternia is gone. We're the only trolls left and we can do what we think is right now. And you make exceptions for Aradia because she'd kick your butt otherwise and you know it.

[She huffs a little, making a face and rubbing the top of her head furiously against his hand like an unruly kitten.]

Tavros is pawesome. He gave me the nicest welcome when he found out I was here and was really glad to see me. He's one of the best of my friends and stop complaining that he's harmless. You'd like it a lot less if he wasn't!

It is only gone if we allow it to be gone, Nepeta dear, and I think it important to keep hold of what we were as well. But yes... she would... wouldn't she?

[He almost sounded wistful.]

Tavros is ... acceptable, really. I simply do not know how to speak to him at times. He is always stammering, even now. It is better than before, though. Death seems to have helped him, though I would not mind some rage that knew its place.

Edited 2013-03-05 19:45 (UTC)

We're still who we were! I don't know that changing a little about what we were would be too bad though.

[She snickers. This is so going on her wall.] She would!

Talk to him like you'd talk to me! Be friendly, and listen to what he says, and don't mind the stammering. It stops happening as much if he feels like you're not paying any attention to it.