05 - Video of Equius Zahhak Sucking at Advertising

[alternia_strength]

[Behold, it's a young, snaggle-toothed, gray-skinned guy in a black and blue tank-top wearing shades past sunset, one of his horns broken already. A few of you know him as the creepy afficianado of all things vaguely related to towels and archery. It's debatable whether or not he's particularly well-suited for either of these things, if we're being honest.

However, at the moment, there's grease smudges over his face and hands as he's wiping them off on a filthy looking towel. In the distance, a mewing sound that's vaguely humanoid can be heard.]

Yes, yes. I will inform the collective troglodytes and unwashed masses of this venture. Yes, that is a completely appropriate way to refer to them. They do not bathe nearly often enough and most of them do not have nearly enough towels.

[He sighs and grunts, half aware that he is already broadcasting and starting to sweat. He mops his forehead with the towel.

...

This just gets more grease smudges on him.]

As my employee Nepeta reminds me, it is wise to advertise the availability of new resources to some who might require them. I am Equius Zahhak, and this is Black and Blue. With the rise of such vehicular monstrosities as some of you claim to be accustomed to, I have familiarized myself with their inner-workings and the needs of the compressed detritus in liquified form that they require. [Pro Tip: He means gas.]

For all of your fuel and vehicular repair needs come to Black and Blue, where we will affix the necessary elements. Improvements and modifications are available on request, so long as I can get the parts. This world is incredibly back-water in terms of technologies, after all.

...

And Nepeta reminds me to say that there is plenty of ... candy in the front desk while you are waiting. She assures me it is delicious... repeatedly.

Come. I command it.

Comments

[alternia_strength]

[He glanced down from what he was polishing and considered for a minute. It was good to make her be patient, after all. Admittedly, he wasn't very good at this.]

One moment more. It is almost cleaned.

[bestestfurrend]

Okaaay.

[She will just remain attached to his side and vibrate impatiently.]

[alternia_strength]

[He doesn't keep her waiting for very long thankfully before he's growling/grinning down at her and motioning for the door.]

Alright then. Shall we?

[bestestfurrend]

Yesss! Let's go! Mini-hoofbeast time!

[She bounces off enthusiastically. Better hurry if you want to keep up with her, Equius!]

[alternia_strength]

[He locks up behind her and tries to keep up with her. This is something of a prospect with Nepeta's bounding about, but he is at least within sight of her as she charges along.]

[bestestfurrend]

Come on, Equius! The hoofbeasts are waiting for us!

[She's going to pet all the animals, Equius. All of them! She runs back to him to grab his hand and try and tow him along.]

[alternia_strength]

I'm coming, I'm coming. My, you are energetic today.

[There was a hint of criticism there, but not that much. Miniature hoofbeasts, after all, were a good temptation to keep him from being too critical right now.]

[bestestfurrend]

It was my first day at my first job ever and now I'm going to visit a petting zoo with my meowrail! Who wouldn't be energetic about that?!

[She giggles, swinging from his arm.]

[alternia_strength]

Hehe, fair enough... I cannot expound in any way against that sort of behavior under the circumstances. Perhaps another day I could, but I think today it is permitted.

[bestestfurrend]

Yessss!

[Not that being told off ever curbs her enthusiasm, but having him allow it for the day is nice anyway!]

You're going to pet all the ponies too, aren't you, Equius?

[alternia_strength]

Well of course. I haven't had my lusus about to pat on the head for a long time. At least I will not crush their skulls in the process, yes?

[bestestfurrend]

Of course not! That would be pawful. We will pet them gently and feed them sugar cubes and it will be the very bestest outing.

[alternia_strength]

There are advantages, it would appear, with my being of less strength in this world. Say... do you think that this means that my lusus was actually not that weak, and I was simply too strong for it?

[bestestfurrend]

I'm pretty sure of it! Centaurs like Aurthour are suppawsed to be some of the strongest there are on Alternia, aren't they?

[alternia_strength]

He was certainly not supposed to be as flimsy and easily harmed as he appeared to be...

[bestestfurrend]

Equius, a mountain is flimsy and easily harmed next to you.

[alternia_strength]

Well of course. I've been wondering who actually makes mountains so easily crushed. Honestly, it's embarassing some of the mountains we dealt with in the game.

[It's hard to tell if he's joking.]

[bestestfurrend]

Pfft, silly. You're the only one who would think that! Come on, hurry! The hoofbeasts are waiting fur us!

[alternia_strength]

[And that word was enough to make him follow her in relative silence. Admittedly, he was constantly thinking about things, everything of things, but all the same the first sight of a small horse was enough to make him stop, pause and get the most child-like look on his eyes.

Thank glob the glasses concealed most of it.]

[bestestfurrend]

[Nepeta has to suppress a squeal when she sees the small, adorable ponies, careful to approach them slowly and not in the rush that she wants to. No spooking them!

She reaches out to pet one gently, looking back at Equius to beckon him closer.]

[alternia_strength]

[He takes his dear sweet time coming over. At the same time, when he finally gets there, it requires all of his decorum not to be all over the poor beast. However, despite the snaggletooth and his general demeanor, the horse didn't seem too bothered by him.

After all, he did know exactly how to approach and pet one.]

[bestestfurrend]

Here! I brought sugarcubes just in case. [Lies, she always carries some.] You take the first one.

[She holds it out to drop onto Equius' palm. This means a lot more to him than her, and so she wants to help him make the very most of it, perhaps make a pony-friend along the way too.]

[alternia_strength]

But these sweet things cannot be good for them. Why would I give them something that is not good them?

[He does take it, and he has his hand out in confusion before the thing just reaches out and gobbles it up out of his hand, causing him to look in stunned pleasure at it.]

[bestestfurrend]

A little won't hurt them, and hoofbeasts really like it - look, just like that! I have another one if you want. Next time we'll bring carrots instead, so don't worry, okay?

[D'aww, that look on her moirail's face. She may just have to sidle up to him for a quick hug.]

[alternia_strength]

Your turn, your turn. And yes, carrots would be good. The color is not perfect, but they would be healthier.

...perhaps we could paint them blue first.