asgardeventide | 05 - Video of Equius Zahhak Sucking at Advertising

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05 - Video of Equius Zahhak Sucking at Advertising

[Behold, it's a young, snaggle-toothed, gray-skinned guy in a black and blue tank-top wearing shades past sunset, one of his horns broken already. A few of you know him as the creepy afficianado of all things vaguely related to towels and archery. It's debatable whether or not he's particularly well-suited for either of these things, if we're being honest.

However, at the moment, there's grease smudges over his face and hands as he's wiping them off on a filthy looking towel. In the distance, a mewing sound that's vaguely humanoid can be heard.]

Yes, yes. I will inform the collective troglodytes and unwashed masses of this venture. Yes, that is a completely appropriate way to refer to them. They do not bathe nearly often enough and most of them do not have nearly enough towels.

[He sighs and grunts, half aware that he is already broadcasting and starting to sweat. He mops his forehead with the towel.

...

This just gets more grease smudges on him.]

As my employee Nepeta reminds me, it is wise to advertise the availability of new resources to some who might require them. I am Equius Zahhak, and this is Black and Blue. With the rise of such vehicular monstrosities as some of you claim to be accustomed to, I have familiarized myself with their inner-workings and the needs of the compressed detritus in liquified form that they require. [Pro Tip: He means gas.]

For all of your fuel and vehicular repair needs come to Black and Blue, where we will affix the necessary elements. Improvements and modifications are available on request, so long as I can get the parts. This world is incredibly back-water in terms of technologies, after all.

...

And Nepeta reminds me to say that there is plenty of ... candy in the front desk while you are waiting. She assures me it is delicious... repeatedly.

Come. I command it.

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I could. I am not planning on it, but I will at the very least keep the notion in consideration. And yes, Nepeta is a ... purrfect name for her, as she would explain it.

I suppose that some, though, would consider culture to be quite the broad and all-encompassing concept. I am not accustomed to such notions, as my culture has been very much central to my existence.

[Loki shifts in front of the screen and reaches out to grab something that seems to be a sandwich. He takes a couple of bites and turns his attention back to the screen.]

Or maybe a top hat... Perhaps you can also put a top hat and a bowtie into consideration, yes? It will emphasize your cultured mannerisms and aspects.

[He chuckles at the pun. Yes, he likes wordplay like that.]

I see, I see. Am I correct to assume you come from a different realm? Hence your skin is grey and your horns resemble Midgardian Halloween candy.

... I think you mistake the nature of our culture, though a monocle has merit.

Something of the sort. Ours is a galactic empire spanning many stars, but the world we exist in appears to be vastly different from the one that they are familiar with.

I cannot do anything else but agree to that. You haven't told me about your culture yet. That has to be our next point of discussion.

A monocle would befit you quite greatly, but I must insist on a mustache to go with it. A mustache of a curly kind is extremely important.

[Loki frowns briefly.]

Yet, one thing bugs me, stranger. You have mentioned that most denizens lack culture and are similar to cave dwellers and the like. Have you ever realized that this might be just their culture? Just like your culture is yours? And my culture is mine? And Midgards culture is that of Midgard.

Et cetera, et cetera and so on.

Is it not naturally to assume that your own culture is inherently superior to that of others? I would think that a part and parcel of pride in such a thing.

Well, I am quite an open minded kind of fellow, you see? For one drawing onto stone walls is the epitome of culture, for others it involves felines and cheeseburgers.

Of course you can take pride in your legacy and your culture. I will be the last one to judge you for that.

[Loki nods gravely.]

But, I had another question, Mr Equius Zahhak of the Black and Blue. You specialize in the repair and maintenance of vehicles, yes? Do you also sell these vehicles?

mmm, be careful of open minds. You never know what exceptionally inappropriate things might get inside as a result.

And no, I do not. I had considered that, actually, but it seemed more prudent to offer maintenance and compressed animal corpses. Both are needed, and appear to be separate.

Inappropriate? As in...? Your theories intrigue me.

[He shifts in front of the screen, a thoughtful and serious expression on his face. Yet, he is only 60% serious.]

Why not? It will be an excellent addition to your shop, you see? The whole package and the like.

[Wait...compressed animal corpses?]

Unless the sales of these animal corpses exceeds the sales of everything else, of course. After all, one cannot ever have enough compressed animal corpses.

I believe the sale of the animal corpses will be the main form of sales I have here. Apparently these humans go through their compressed animal corpses quite easily. I am told that the cost of compressed animal corpses is of incredible importance in some of their worlds.

However, I will at least consider it.

Are you referring to meat? Of course meat is important, it is a form of nourishment. And it goes excellent with ketchup. Especially when said meat is bacon.

What if you provide me with a vehicle and I shall advertise your shop to the denizens of Asgard by attaching signs to it saying 'Come to Black and Blue for all your compressed animal corpses and other repairments!'

I will even draw smileyfaces onto the signs to emphasize how enjoyable visiting your establishment really is!

No... I believe that the term that is used is Petrol. It is formed by the compression of animal flesh and plant material to incredible force over a great deal of time until their decayed corpses are a usable fuel.

Appreciated, though. Advertisement is apparently a good thing.

[Loki gives this a looooooong chinstroke.]

I see, I see...

[The words come out slow and pensive.]

You have to teach me more about this, Equius Zahhak of the Black and Blue.

Hmm, that leaves me with one very important question...

Edited 2013-03-26 21:38 (UTC)

And what would this question be?

When will you provide me with a vehicle?

These advertisements do not advertise themselves, of course.

Hah. The advertisement you've offered will buy you a full tank of this fuel. I do not think you are going to quite get a full vehicle from an advertisement or two, though I applaud your spirit in asking.

But since you provide fuel for these vehicles I am correct to presume you are one who sits close to the fire, yes?

[Loki pauses shortly, thinking some things over.]

I will provide you with the proper advertisements and you provide me with fuel. I think this is an excellent deal, Equius Zahnak of the Black and Blue.

A cultured deal.

[He considered for a moment. Tapping his chin, he then nodded.]

Show me one of these advertisements, and I think we can work out an arrangement, yes. It will be on you to find your own vehicle of course, but I think if I can see the horse's mouth, as it were, we will have a fine, cultured arrangement.

[Congratulations, Equius, you have just made a deal with Loki Laufeyson! Loki nods quickly and smiles.]

I can agree with this. Including the horse's mouth. I shall not let you down, Equius Zahnak of the Black and Blue!

If I am correct it is your turn to give me a deadline regarding the advertisements, yes?

[Yay! \o/]

Let us give it two weeks. The business operates itself to some extent, so I think a little leeway is in order.

I can work with that, yes. But do tell me, do you prefer smileys or stars of a sparkling kind to get your message across?

Speak with Nepeta about 'emoticons' if you seek to go that route. I want strong ones.

Strong emoticons? Hmm, I might have to ponder on those but I am sure we are able to find a most perfect solution.

Aye, please ask your furry companion to contact me. Talking cats intrigue me.

I will do so. Until next time...

Aye! Fare ye well, Equius Zahnak of the Black and Blue!

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05 - Video of Equius Zahhak Sucking at Advertising

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[video] o.O, thought I replied here...

[video] No prob :)

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