=> 001 | [VIDEO]

[cancerass]

[The feed cuts in at the Heimdall Welcome Hall, and a troll that may be familiar to several individuals appears on the screen.]




WELP.

THIS SURE IS GREAT.

I LOVE BEING UPROOTED FROM ONE SHITTY SITUATION TO ANOTHER, MORE ASININE ONE. MOST DEFINITELY MY FAVORITE THING IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE. ASK ANYONE.

SO, WHAT? I GUESS I LIVE HERE NOW?? WHATEVER. I THINK I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SAYING HELLO TO EVERYBODY, BUT I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY.

[Karkat probably doesn't have time to actually say anything because there's suddenly a shout.] Karkat? Karkat! [The video feed is probably a blur of motion with lots of greys, blacks, and reds. There's a face that hasn't been around recently. Aradia has bounded over to Karkat and is basically invading all his personal space.]

When did you get here? Have you talked to Sollux or anyone else? A lot of our friends are here you know! You have to tell me what point of the timeline you're from.

[Aradia had lost her bracelet and is pretty much oblivious to what's been happening as of late.] I guess we got here at the same time! I mean I was here earlier but I lost my bracelet hehe.

ARADIA, STOP. I ONLY GOT LIKE HALF OF THAT--

HANG ON.

[The feed is cut.]


(( Grey is Karkat, Red is Aradia.))

Comments

text;

[biifurcatiion]

ehhh, depend2.
how full ii2 your biile 2ac riight now?

text;

[cancerass]

A LITTLE OVER A QUARTER FULL.
AND GROWING.
TO BE HONEST I'M FINDING MYSELF ONLY REMOTELY ABLE TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS WHOLE SITUATION.

[Right now anyway.]

text;

[biifurcatiion]

doe2 that mean ii mii22ed you 2hriiekiing your2elf iinto a 2tupor, becau2e iif ii diid, fuck ye2, ii have EXCELLENT tiimiing.

text;

[cancerass]

YEAH, PRETTY SURE YOU'RE HALF A SWEEP LATE FOR THAT.
YOUR TIMING? PRETTY IMPECCABLE.

text;

[biifurcatiion]

ii2 thii2 about the meteor?
becau2e ii know fuck all about that, 2o, glad ii could dodge the iineviitable 2hiit2torm that ii2 your furiiou2 temper tantrum at confrontiing your ultiimate faiilure, or whatever that'2 all about.
ii gue22 ii'll fiind out?
or am ii dead at that poiint.
plea2e 2ay ii'm dead and ii mii22ed iit, that would be the one benefiit two beiing a depre22iingly battered blown out corp2e.

Re: text;

[cancerass]

UH
SORT OF?

text;

[biifurcatiion]

that ii2nt a ye2.

text;

[cancerass]

IT'S THE TRUTH THOUGH. YOU SORT OF DIED.
BUT YOU SORT OF DIDN'T.
YOU'RE LIKE
I DON'T KNOW, HALF DEAD?
EITHER WAY, YOU'RE KIND OF OFF DOING YOUR OWN THING I GUESS. I HAVEN'T SEEN MUCH OF YOU SINCE THAT DAY ON THE METEOR.
I'D ASK HOW YOU'VE BEEN BUT YOU'VE MADE IT PRETTY FUCKING CLEAR THAT I'M TALKING TO A SOLLUX FROM EARLIER.
NOT THAT YOUR QUIRK DIDN'T MAKE IT OBVIOUS.

text;

[biifurcatiion]

yeah but dont bother catchiing me up, each tiime a new aa pop2 up 2he ha2 two 2pend liike twenty miinute2 telliing me how ii lii2p agaiin and how ii can 2ee and iit wa2 2o much better when ii wa2 dead.
and iif you agree wiith her go fuck your2elf iin the gapiing aby22al wa2teland that ii2 your eternally neglected nook.

text;

[cancerass]

MAN I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU'RE ALIVE OR DEAD.
I GIVE A SHIT THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY HERE AND I HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO THAT ISN'T A COMPLETE ASSHOLE.
OH WAIT, IT'S YOU. I TAKE THAT LAST PART BACK.
BUT I AM ACTUALLY GRATEFUL THAT YOU'RE HERE IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT.

text;

[biifurcatiion]

eheh, ii know you are enough of a blubberiing 2en2iitiive pan2y two 2ay that and mean iit.
ii know that for a fact.
but ii'm actually glad you are back, iif only becau2e now ii dont have two try two keep everybody'2 rank mountaiin2 of emotiional 2hiit iin liine.
liike how ii'm pretty 2ure even though theyre dead and datiing, whiich make2 me want two empty my biile 2ac iin the neare2t 2hrub, vrii2ka ii2 probably goiing two end up kiilliing tv agaiin becau2e that'2 ju2t what 2he doe2?
or how gamzee fliipped all hii2 collectiive 2hiit when you peaced out the la2t tiime.
or keepiing track of whiich iiteratiion of whiich per2on we are on now and how 2pectacularly 2crewed up they made everythiing before they left?
all the2e thiing2 are now YOUR PROBLEM.
ii bequeath them two you.
youre welcome, ii diid your job for you whiile you were gone, you can thank me at any tiime.

text;

[cancerass]

OH TERRIFIC.
WHAT A WONDERFUL GIFT YOU HAVE BESTOWED UPON ME.
SERIOUSLY, I AM SO HAPPY YOU THOUGHT OF ME THE INSTANT SHIT STARTS HITTING THE FAN, AND ARE PASSING ALL THESE PROBLEMS UNTO ME.
THIS IS THE PERFECT PRESENT.
ONE THAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED.
YOU FUCKING BULGE.

text;

[biifurcatiion]

your complaiint2 are duly noted, the adviice of thii2 offiice ii2 two 2uck iit up and DEAL WIITH IIT.
ii made 2ure nobody kiilled each other whiile you were gone and nobody diied but me and jade.
iit wa2 a rou2iing 2ucce22, ii wa2nt goiing two let you come back two an unholy dii2a2ter the liike2 of whiich are only riivaled by the actual apocalyp2e.
but now you are back and ii would liike two re2ume not giiviing a 2hiit.

text;

[cancerass]

UGH, FAIR ENOUGH.
YOU MAY NOW RESUME YOUR DUTIES IN THE DEPARTMENT OF CEASING FUCKS.
WAIT, YOU DIED AGAIN?
JADE DIED HERE TOO??

text;

[biifurcatiion]

yeah dont get worked up about iit, iit wa2 an acciident.
techniically ii've diied twiice here already but the fiir2t tiime ii got liike 2hot iin the back? iit wa2 really 2tupiid, we are not goiing two talk about iit.
and wiith jade, there wa2 thii2 huge battle and 2he wanted a 2pare battery but iit turn2 out when ii cea2ed two be the mo2t powerful p2ychiic thii2 2iide of any uniiver2e and 2uddenly diidnt have eye la2er2 and 2he 2topped beiing ma2ter of all 2pace our iinvulnerable bada22 2tatu2 got nuked along wiith iit.

text;

[cancerass]

OH.
WELL THAT CONFIRMS A LOT OF SUSPICIONS EQUIUS GAVE ME.
SO IT WAS JUST A BIG FUCK UP. GOT IT. SUBJECT DROPPED.
TAVROS JUST SAID DYING DOESN'T MATTER HERE. THANKS FOR CONFIRMING THAT I GUESS.

text;

[biifurcatiion]

ba2iically.
ii dont even thiink you have two corp2e2mooch two provoke a reviival but ii diidnt get confiirmatiion on that, 2iince ii wa2, you know, dead both tiime2.

text;

[cancerass]

YEAH. I GUESS IT'S JUST SAFE TO ASSUME THE RULES FROM BACK HOME DON'T APPLY HERE AT ALL.
SO SINCE I'M ASKING EVERYONE APPARENTLY, WHICH HOUSE ARE YOU STUCK IN?

text;

[biifurcatiion]

the 2hiitiie2t one po22iible.
heiimdall.
you?

text;

[cancerass]

SERIOUSLY?
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

text;

[biifurcatiion]

oh no, are you here two?
2eriiou2ly??

text;

[cancerass]

APPARENTLY.
I GUESS I WAS IN HEL BEFORE??
A PRISON'S A PRISON, SO WHATEVER.

text;

[biifurcatiion]

ok but 2ee iin the other prii2on2, you are actually cur2ed wiith the abiiliity two do other 2tuff than fuck your2elf over iin new and exciitiing way2!
by eiither ab2orbiing 2omebody el2e'2 liife threateniing iinjuriie2 or iinfliictiing your own by beiing a liiviing battery, whiich ii2 the word ii u2ed for a rea2on.
becau2e ii wa2nt kiiddiing, ii liiterally get dragged along 2o that when people run out of energy they can take miine.

text;

[cancerass]

WAIT
SERIOUSLY?
HOLY FUCK.
THIS PLACE SUCKS.

text;

[biifurcatiion]

dude ii wouldnt liie about 2omethiing liike that.
ii mean FUCK, you know how ii feel about beiing the liiviing battery, liike ii diidnt have that hangiing over my head for my entiire fuckiing liife that ii miight get hacked off at the joiint2 and 2hoved iinto a 2hiip and then ii get 2tuck here doiing almo2t EXACTLY THAT.
iit2 iin2ufferably iironiic.
whiich diid you get, do you know yet.