Voice; 2

[tonsofpun]

Okay, time to lighten the mood.

[Because after all this shit that's happened, she needs to smile. She needs something, anything, to take her mind off all of this and for a second, remember that being alive is good, and right.

And maybe to remember a simpler time.]

I've got this book of puns, right? Well, back in the day, it kinda used to be my thing. And I figure you guys could use this. Or groan, whatever.

Here goes.

A clown held the door open for me the other day.
I thought it was a nice jester.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder.
He got a little behind in his work.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
The doctor says I'm okay, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

Pffft.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

[That one actually makes her laugh out loud.]

Comments

[proudofwhatiam]

I'm afraid you might be far better versed in puns than I am, but perhaps you'd enjoy Dog Latin.

[She switches to audio for this; it's easier to understand the joke if you can hear it.]

Take, for example, the following:

Caesar ad sum jam forti
Brutus et erat
Caesar sic in omnibus
Brutus sic in at

It translates to some rather boring text about Caesar and Brutus, but if you read it with English pronunciation rather than Latin, it sounds like this:

[This time, she says the words as she might any others, amusement in her voice.]

Caesar had some jam for tea.
Brutus had a rat.
Caesar sick in omnibus.
Brutus sick in hat.

[tonsofpun]

[Ellie bursts into laughter and has to breathe again. Evy sounds like a librarian, or a teacher.]

That's awesome. I've never even heard of Dog Latin.

[proudofwhatiam]

[Evy laughs, too. The start of their conversation was a bit uncomfortable; if she can set their course to better waters, she won't be sorry.]

It's another old and dusty practice, from what I'm given to understand. A relic from a time when schoolchildren were taught Latin simply as a matter of course.

[She still can't believe schools are removing their Latin courses.]

There's another I suspect you might like, one my brother taught me when I was a very little girl. Illegitimi non carborundorum. It doesn't really mean anything in Latin--it's essentially nonsense--but it sounds like it ought to mean 'Don't let the, er, bastards [it's weird, swearing when she's explaining Latin to a child, but she really does suspect Ellie might appreciate this one] grind you down.' Bit of a useful phrase to have up your sleeve, especially someplace like here.

[tonsofpun]

It sounds like some kind of code. A secret language or something.

[Even if it sounds kind of dumb, it's attractive in that way that things are to young people. Something that can be made secret, made her own and shared with those she chooses, a small spark of harmless rebellion in words.]

[proudofwhatiam]

I suppose it is. A bit of trivia, if nothing else.

[So far as Evy's concerned, Ellie's enthusiasm for the idea of the words serving as a code of sorts should only be encouraged. Appreciation for Latin jokes can occasionally come to be appreciation for the language itself.]

[tonsofpun]

You sound like a teacher.

[It doesn't sound precisely a compliment, but what it really is is a question. And invitation. Who is she? How does she know this stuff?]

[proudofwhatiam]

I am, as Professor Snape's school opening. At home, I was a librarian.

You, meanwhile, sound like a student.

[tonsofpun]

What do you teach now?

-- annd. I used to be. Now, I'm just taking Herbology and Potions.

[proudofwhatiam]

Latin, ancient Greek, ancient Egyptian, and Egyptology.

That would explain why I haven't seen too much of you about the school, I suppose. [Or heard, as it were.] Evelyn Carnahan, pleased to meet you.

[tonsofpun]

How many languages do you know?

[Including some long dead ones. Holy shit.]

Uh, I'm Ellie. Just... Ellie. Nice to meet you, too.

[proudofwhatiam]

Oh. Well. [And she pauses, because that's a question she has to think about. Also, it always sounds like puffing herself up to answer, oops.] Those three, as I mentioned. English and Arabic, of course, and enough French and German to get by among archaeologists from the continent. Which brings it to around seven.

How have you been enjoying your classes, Ellie?

[tonsofpun]

Shit.

[Whispered. She wonders if she shouldn't have said that, immediately afterward.]

Uh, yeah. I mean, Teach is really tough, but I've learned all kinds of stuff from him already. I signed on for Growth, but the potions stuff is amazing when you get into it.

[proudofwhatiam]

[Language, Ellie. But she's not going to say anything; there aren't many replies to that comment that aren't horribly immodest.]

I'm not surprised to hear Professor Snape is an excellent teacher--but I'm glad to hear you've been enjoying his courses. What have you learnt about potions so far?

[tonsofpun]

[It's a point in favor, in Ellie's book. She's seen enough shit that she figures she should be able to call it what it is.]

Uh, mostly what blows up if you stir it wrong. You'd be completely amazed what gets really angry when you stir it clockwise instead of counterclockwise.

At least I haven't melted any containers yet.

[proudofwhatiam]

[Evy laughs. She really hasn't got a good sense of what herbology and potions are like, but that's as vivid description as she could ask for.]

It sounds as though you're lucky you've still got eyebrows. [Unless she doesn't, in which case...well, sorry for being insensitive, Ellie.] I didn't realize potions were so particular about how they're stirred.

[tonsofpun]

Pure luck. Teach has got nerves of steel, I swear.

[It's an odd thing to call him, some strange little endearment that she picked up along the way. She couldn't call him by his name, often had trouble calling him Professor.]

I'll give him that, he really knows what he's doing.

[proudofwhatiam]

I think you have to have nerves of steel if you're going to run a school--especially in a place as chaotic as this. But he really does find a way to go above and beyond the call of duty.

[tonsofpun]

Good at having your back when the giants come, too.

[Man, who ever thought she'd see a day when she'd praise the guy? At least it's not to his face.]

[proudofwhatiam]

I suppose I'm lucky I haven't seen him in such a situation.

[There's a pause.]

But I'm glad that's the case.

[tonsofpun]

Two times for me.

[Ellie's gonna have to take a deep breath though. And stop. Because this is getting dangerously close to what she's trying to forget.]

Are you a friend of his?

[proudofwhatiam]

Then I'm not the only one who's been lucky.

[She's quiet a moment or two, considering the question.]

I suppose so. He's a good man.

[tonsofpun]

He's something, all right.

[She gives off a sense of playfulness, like she's trying to make light of it, but lot of respect and genuine care comes through anyway. He's definitely important.]

... and, good. Good.

He should have friends.