Voice; 2

[tonsofpun]

Okay, time to lighten the mood.

[Because after all this shit that's happened, she needs to smile. She needs something, anything, to take her mind off all of this and for a second, remember that being alive is good, and right.

And maybe to remember a simpler time.]

I've got this book of puns, right? Well, back in the day, it kinda used to be my thing. And I figure you guys could use this. Or groan, whatever.

Here goes.

A clown held the door open for me the other day.
I thought it was a nice jester.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder.
He got a little behind in his work.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
The doctor says I'm okay, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

Pffft.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

[That one actually makes her laugh out loud.]

Comments

[tonsofpun]

Ahhh, the accent you have, that's Antivan?

[tumbler]

Of course! Antivan is the language of love... and business transactions.

[tonsofpun]

Okay, weird combination.

[tumbler]

Obviously you are not from Antiva, my friend. We do not say so there.

[tonsofpun]

... ew.

[Yeah, her mind kinda went there.]

Sounds like a weird place.

[tumbler]

Ah, but in Antiva, we have a saying: even if you were born in prison, you would miss home.

Where are you from, little Ellie?

[tonsofpun]

[She snorts a little, but it has her thinking back, uncomfortably.]

... I actually don't know. I- got shipped around a lot.

[tumbler]

Ah, a strange concept. I stayed in one city the whole of my life. It was very nice, you know, aside from the business transactions. It was a city, very near the ocean, you see. I wonder if anyone is from a similar place: a city, an ocean, you know. That sort of thing.

[tonsofpun]

There's a good chance you could throw something and hit somebody like that.

[She grins right back, but then excitedly hunkers down to ask:]

Will you tell me about the ocean? Never seen it.

[tumbler]

Ah, but perhaps I like to have an easy target.

[But let's be real, there's no way he's going to pass up an opportunity for story time.]

Well, I speak of the Rialto, it is a bay. They call it the jewel of Antiva, or perhaps Antiva is the jewel of the Rialto? I can never remember. In any case, it shines blue in the sun, like a sapphire. If one climbs to the very top of the Calabria Cathedral-- which is very dangerous and should not be done unless you have someone watching nearby to take bets on whether you will fall-- you can just see Rivain on the horizon.

[tonsofpun]

[Ellie is quiet, adopting a thoughtful smile. She's had a lot of dreams over the years, and the ocean features now and again.]

Is it true that the world actually curves before you can see land again?

[tumbler]

[Does Thedas have a spherical earth theory? Who knows!]

You know, I have always thought it looked so. When a new ship comes in, you can see the sails first, before anything else. And then, you know, the pirates.

[tonsofpun]

Aye, ye land-lubbers.

[Horrible pirate accent, by the way.]

Hey, I actually met a pirate the other day. A Captain Jack Sparrow.

You heard of him?

[tumbler]

No, I am afraid not. I only did business with the pirates who hired me, you see. I have always found it strange how many were named after birds, however. Should they not be named after fish? Dolphins? Barnacles?

[tonsofpun]

Sharks.

... are they really? I haven't heard about a whole lot of Pirates. The ones I heard about had dorky names.

[tumbler]

Yes, Captain Shark, striking fear into the hearts of legitimate businessmen everywhere.

Of what names have you heard, eh? Now I am curious.

[tonsofpun]

Hey, I'd steer clear of Captain Hammerhead.

Uh, you know. Davey Jones and stuff like that.

[tumbler]

I would wonder how he could manage the traditional hat, I think.

That sounds far too innocuous! No, you would want to steer clear of Peregrine Septima, Vasco Jorges, Rafael Kingbird. Those are names to be feared.

[tonsofpun]

I bet he'd have a really special hat made. And doorways with really wide tops.

... that sounds like something out of a bad romance novel.

[tumbler]

Ah, an expensive life to lead! No wonder the lad turned to piracy.

I find the line between such things is often very fine... and influenced in no small way by whether or not the name was thought up at the tender age of fifteen, or thereabout.

[tonsofpun]

Oh, like fifteen year olds can't come up with a good pirate name.

That's what you're saying, Zevran?

[tumbler]

What would you do if that were the case, I wonder?

[tonsofpun]

Do you want to find out?

[tumbler]

I suppose I must! [He laughs.] Do your worst, little Ellie.

[tonsofpun]

... shit, now I need to think of a good Pirate Queen name.