$3 | Video.

[ffuckoff]

[Fiona is sitting at home, on her bed, hair tied back in a loose pony tail. She's wearing a simple T-shirt. Altogether, she looks casual, comfortable and like a real go-getter! What a coincidence, what with that being her intention and all.]

Hey! This is Sigyn house. [She moves the camera around, so it gets a good view of her room: clean, neat, organized.] I'm sick of living here anymore. But I need you [she points directly into the camera] to help me out.

I have enough saved up to rent out a place, but I need roommates. I'd prefer an actual house, but I'm good with apartments and condos, whatever. Anything that doesn't have those giant rats crawling around outside-- have you seen 'em? Pink, with the huge ears?-- in the walls is basically great.

I'm clean- [she lets the camera get a good look at the neat and orderly room around her again] and sane. You won't even have to see me too much, I work most of the day as a secretary. I don't have any infectious diseases, and I can mix drinks. Call me. Fiona Gallagher, Sigyn house.

[Still cheery, she waves at the camera, if a little... can waves be sarcastic? If so, this one was. And then, affecting a slightly more serious tone and posture, she says:] On a totally unrelated note, does anybody around here know anything about exorcisms, or demonic possession, that sort of thing? This is on school business, don't worry, my head's not gonna start spinning around. Gimme a head's up if you have any experience in that area; I might have a job for you. Just, y'know, contact me over the network, and watch out for any real big flights of stairs.

Comments

[gayagenda]

A little more than that. Sam sometimes is as dumb as a sack of bricks and does these really embarrassing impersonations. But he's nice. Like, will have your back nice, and he's well-meaning. [These are the types of things Santana would never say to Sam's face. Well, she'd call him dumb, but the rest she wouldn't do. Why would she readily compliment people without hesitation?]

As for Brittany, she's ... [How does she say it?] Well, she's my best friend.

[ffuckoff]

[And Fiona listens. Maybe before coming here, the thought of rooming with three people she doesn't know would have scared her, but here? This place isn't her old neighborhood (and it's weird to think of her neighborhood as 'old', but she's gotta), she's not in danger from some teenagers barely out of high school.]

What's she like? [Which will, she figures, indirectly tell her a lot about Santana, too. If you look at V, you can tell a lot about the kind of person Fiona would prefer to hang out with, can't you?]

[gayagenda]

She's one of those really ... loving types. [Some people would note here that Brittany isn't very sharp, like, at all, but not Santana. The fact that Brittany is a secret genius or interpreted to be one in some weird backwards way doesn't shock her in the least. Sure, sometimes Brittany had her moments of saying things Santana side-eyed the hell out of, but that's different.]

Basically, the exact opposite of me in a lot of ways, but we complement each other well.

[ffuckoff]

[So this girl doesn't think she's a 'loving' type. Noted. Not that Fiona can really judge. As long as you're not the type to sell someone out for a nickle, it's a viable way to be. If Fiona could afford it, she'd employ it more often. She just... she just can't.]

They sound alright. You met in New York?

[gayagenda]

No, high school. [There's a beat, because she realizes that this girl might think she's younger than she's presenting herself. And definitely not.] We kind of parted ways a bit. Plus, she's from the past? It's weird.

[ffuckoff]

[Fiona assumes the girl is younger than her-- based more on the way she acts than her looks-- but old enough to be out of school. So she's in the no man's land between eighteen and twenty-three. Fiona remembers that; it was a pain in the ass.]

Yeah, I heard that can happen. I haven't seen it straight up, though, I'm the only person here I know. From before, I mean; I've met plenty of people since I got here. [She's become hesitant to say 'from my world', though, if only because she's never been outside of Chicago. For all she knows, her and Santana are from the same world, until Santana mentions fucking aliens or some shit. And even then, maybe the aliens just stick to New York. She pulls a pack of cigarettes from her back pocket, and a lighter from her purse. Before she lights up, she pauses for a quick test of compatibility:] D'you mind?

[gayagenda]

Only if you don't give me one. [Her hand extends for a cigarette. Santana herself is more of a social smoker than anything, but she's picked it up here and there. She also believes it gives her a raspier singing voice. But living with Rachel has meant that she has basically given it up in all situations, if only to keep Rachel from lecturing her about how she shouldn't be smoking at all.]

And honestly, take it from me: you're lucky you don't have people here. But then again, who wants to be here, much less other people they know?

[ffuckoff]

[Fiona is similarly a social smoker-- can't (couldn't?) afford to be anything but-- and so she hands a cigarette over, and lights them both up. She smiles:] Oh, don't worry, I don't gotta take it from you. Knowing my luck, nobody I wanna see is gonna show up if they do. [She had a dream about Frank showing up at her door, last night. Fucking nightmare.]

Everybody around here's got some aliens or werewolf infestation or some shit. What's your deal?

[gayagenda]

I don't have one. I know, you're probably not gonna believe that, but even if some people here have like, really weird shit that happens to them, I'm not in the same boat. [There's a pause, a moment where she discards some ashes.] Thankfully. Ugh, I've seen enough movies to know that no one wants that crap to happen to them.

[ffuckoff]

[This gets an excited, if understated, smile out of Fiona.] Jesus, I thought I was the only one. I mean, I know a guy who says he was abducted by aliens, but I'm pretty sure that's just the LSD talking.

[gayagenda]

Brittany thought she got abducted once, too. I think everyone knows someone like that. [Except Brittany wasn't doing LSD. ... She was just being Brittany.] But aside from a super crazy cheerleading coach in high school, yeah, we're all normal.

[ffuckoff]

Good to know. I thought I was the only one for a while there. [From a lifetime in customer service, a game Fiona's become accustomed to playing with people is 'how long can we go before you ask a question about me?' Usually, she lets people off the hook pretty quickly, but she is trying to get a sense for this girl's character... and, truthfully, not divulging huge swaths of her past to a 'normal' person suits her just fine.] So tell me about this commercial you were in?

[She grins, curious and perhaps a little excited for the idea. She's never known anyone who was on television... No, Frank, the evening news doesn't count.]

[gayagenda]

[Can she lie about this? ... She thinks about it, and ultimately decides against it. There's no point in lying, anyway. It's a funny story, even if Santana would normally dress it up. But Sam and Brittany know about it, and sure enough, one of them would end up spitting it out.

At least she thinks they do. This stupid time thing is still tripping her up.}

It was a commercial for that yeast infection cream. The stuff you shove right up inside of you. [She gives an easy smile and then proceeds in a sing-song voice:] I like yeast in my bagel, but not in my muffin.

[ffuckoff]

[And Fiona bursts out laughing, but how can she not?] You're serious? Shit, that's awful. [She only realizes belatedly that she doesn't know this girl, and she won't know she's not laughing at her. She doesn't know this girl, she doesn't know if her sense of humor runs like her and V's did, laughing about their horrible jobs. Which gives her an idea...]

[Eugh, she doesn't want to talk about this, but she will.] It's okay. I worked in waste management last summer. Drained basements when the sewer leaked into 'em. [She holds her bottle up, a silent cheers to the air.]

[gayagenda]

[She does take some offense to it, but not much. Santana knows it's ridiculous, and while she does take herself seriously (a flaw she's not entirely aware of), she does realize that, yeah, what a terrible commercial to start with, but hey, it's on her resume.

For a while, she even had a leg up on Berry. And that's important.]

My commercial is way better than smelling someone's basement shit. [It's stated mildly as she takes a sip of her drink.]

[ffuckoff]

Pretty sure most things are. [She's pretty sure she offended Santana with that move, but it's hard to tell. Some people just have those sorts of faces. Of course, what never fails is asking people more questions about themselves.] So, have you always wanted to sing and act and shit?

[gayagenda]

I had a detour into being a cheerleader. [Which was still like showmanship, but not fully grasping where she was going with it.] But yeah, my mom told me I was always into it. ... She also mentions that I was a total lezzie my entire life in the same breath, so maybe mothers really do know best.

[ffuckoff]

[And Fiona, born tragically without any gaydar, appreciates that comment especially. She keeps laughing.] I wouldn't go that far. My mother was sure I was gonna wait 'til marriage when I was little. [Monica was also flirting with Mormonism at the time, what a wacky three-and-a-half months. She dropped it when Lip told her they weren't okay with alcohol.] In high school? My nickname was 'First Date Fiona'.

[gayagenda]

Yeah, I've never asked mom if she thought I'd sleep with half the football team before I realized I was a lesbian. [She says it quite nonchalantly, but at one point, it was actually a point of pride.

After all, she had all those idiots wrapped around her finger.]

[ffuckoff]

[Fiona just keeps laughing. She hopes it's clear she means it kindly, by now. Everyone should laugh at themselves, now and again.] The football team? Really? I never really... but then again, my type was apparently 'potential drug dealer'.

[She isn't a judgmental person, at heart. If the girl says she's gay, whatever. If she says she's slept with men, whatever. Fiona's experience with this issue is skewed and limited, but she comes from a culture where 'live and let live' is occasionally a matter of survival.] That's not to say I never went near the football team, though. Some of them had cars. [Rigorous criteria, here.]

[gayagenda]

Yeah, my dad was a doctor, so cars wasn't really the point. [She shrugs readily, taking another sip only to realize her drink is mostly gone. Stupid cocktails. They never last along enough. Before she goes on, she orders another drink.

And then thinks. How much is she going to let this girl know about her? Then again, they'll be living together. Santana has a feeling there's going to be enough ridiculous floating around.]

It was for a different kind of status. You don't have to like the guys to control them. [Another shrug.] But that was high school.

[ffuckoff]

Oh, shit. You were scary, weren't you? [She says it with no small amount of respect. While that was never an ambition of hers, it's something to respect.] I never wanted to control anybody. Underachieving, I guess.

[gayagenda]

Just a little. [The fact that she responds so easily means she passes some kind of test. Sure, Santana's not as much of a mean girl these days, but she has her moments. And she does those things for a reason of course. Someone's looking out for other people.] But I can give you lessons if you decide to change your mind on that.

[ffuckoff]

Nah, I'm a bit old for the football team. [But she can't help smiling at the offer. Santana, she's getting the sense, is a girl she would have fucking hated if they'd met in high school. But they're both older now, and it's a freaky kind of victory that they can get along at all. It makes Fiona feel old, but in a good way.] Only guy I'd wanna control is my boss, anyway, and I'm not sure anybody should sleep with him.

[gayagenda]

Well, there are other ways to do it, too. [It's casually dropped.] But maybe we'll just let me handle that if I spot you in need of it, all right? [She offers her a smile.

The smile itself? Not at all genuine, but it does seem like someone who would go out and blackmail other people if she thought someone needed it.]