$3 | Video.

[ffuckoff]

[Fiona is sitting at home, on her bed, hair tied back in a loose pony tail. She's wearing a simple T-shirt. Altogether, she looks casual, comfortable and like a real go-getter! What a coincidence, what with that being her intention and all.]

Hey! This is Sigyn house. [She moves the camera around, so it gets a good view of her room: clean, neat, organized.] I'm sick of living here anymore. But I need you [she points directly into the camera] to help me out.

I have enough saved up to rent out a place, but I need roommates. I'd prefer an actual house, but I'm good with apartments and condos, whatever. Anything that doesn't have those giant rats crawling around outside-- have you seen 'em? Pink, with the huge ears?-- in the walls is basically great.

I'm clean- [she lets the camera get a good look at the neat and orderly room around her again] and sane. You won't even have to see me too much, I work most of the day as a secretary. I don't have any infectious diseases, and I can mix drinks. Call me. Fiona Gallagher, Sigyn house.

[Still cheery, she waves at the camera, if a little... can waves be sarcastic? If so, this one was. And then, affecting a slightly more serious tone and posture, she says:] On a totally unrelated note, does anybody around here know anything about exorcisms, or demonic possession, that sort of thing? This is on school business, don't worry, my head's not gonna start spinning around. Gimme a head's up if you have any experience in that area; I might have a job for you. Just, y'know, contact me over the network, and watch out for any real big flights of stairs.

Comments

[ffuckoff]

[This gets an excited, if understated, smile out of Fiona.] Jesus, I thought I was the only one. I mean, I know a guy who says he was abducted by aliens, but I'm pretty sure that's just the LSD talking.

[gayagenda]

Brittany thought she got abducted once, too. I think everyone knows someone like that. [Except Brittany wasn't doing LSD. ... She was just being Brittany.] But aside from a super crazy cheerleading coach in high school, yeah, we're all normal.

[ffuckoff]

Good to know. I thought I was the only one for a while there. [From a lifetime in customer service, a game Fiona's become accustomed to playing with people is 'how long can we go before you ask a question about me?' Usually, she lets people off the hook pretty quickly, but she is trying to get a sense for this girl's character... and, truthfully, not divulging huge swaths of her past to a 'normal' person suits her just fine.] So tell me about this commercial you were in?

[She grins, curious and perhaps a little excited for the idea. She's never known anyone who was on television... No, Frank, the evening news doesn't count.]

[gayagenda]

[Can she lie about this? ... She thinks about it, and ultimately decides against it. There's no point in lying, anyway. It's a funny story, even if Santana would normally dress it up. But Sam and Brittany know about it, and sure enough, one of them would end up spitting it out.

At least she thinks they do. This stupid time thing is still tripping her up.}

It was a commercial for that yeast infection cream. The stuff you shove right up inside of you. [She gives an easy smile and then proceeds in a sing-song voice:] I like yeast in my bagel, but not in my muffin.

[ffuckoff]

[And Fiona bursts out laughing, but how can she not?] You're serious? Shit, that's awful. [She only realizes belatedly that she doesn't know this girl, and she won't know she's not laughing at her. She doesn't know this girl, she doesn't know if her sense of humor runs like her and V's did, laughing about their horrible jobs. Which gives her an idea...]

[Eugh, she doesn't want to talk about this, but she will.] It's okay. I worked in waste management last summer. Drained basements when the sewer leaked into 'em. [She holds her bottle up, a silent cheers to the air.]

[gayagenda]

[She does take some offense to it, but not much. Santana knows it's ridiculous, and while she does take herself seriously (a flaw she's not entirely aware of), she does realize that, yeah, what a terrible commercial to start with, but hey, it's on her resume.

For a while, she even had a leg up on Berry. And that's important.]

My commercial is way better than smelling someone's basement shit. [It's stated mildly as she takes a sip of her drink.]

[ffuckoff]

Pretty sure most things are. [She's pretty sure she offended Santana with that move, but it's hard to tell. Some people just have those sorts of faces. Of course, what never fails is asking people more questions about themselves.] So, have you always wanted to sing and act and shit?

[gayagenda]

I had a detour into being a cheerleader. [Which was still like showmanship, but not fully grasping where she was going with it.] But yeah, my mom told me I was always into it. ... She also mentions that I was a total lezzie my entire life in the same breath, so maybe mothers really do know best.

[ffuckoff]

[And Fiona, born tragically without any gaydar, appreciates that comment especially. She keeps laughing.] I wouldn't go that far. My mother was sure I was gonna wait 'til marriage when I was little. [Monica was also flirting with Mormonism at the time, what a wacky three-and-a-half months. She dropped it when Lip told her they weren't okay with alcohol.] In high school? My nickname was 'First Date Fiona'.

[gayagenda]

Yeah, I've never asked mom if she thought I'd sleep with half the football team before I realized I was a lesbian. [She says it quite nonchalantly, but at one point, it was actually a point of pride.

After all, she had all those idiots wrapped around her finger.]

[ffuckoff]

[Fiona just keeps laughing. She hopes it's clear she means it kindly, by now. Everyone should laugh at themselves, now and again.] The football team? Really? I never really... but then again, my type was apparently 'potential drug dealer'.

[She isn't a judgmental person, at heart. If the girl says she's gay, whatever. If she says she's slept with men, whatever. Fiona's experience with this issue is skewed and limited, but she comes from a culture where 'live and let live' is occasionally a matter of survival.] That's not to say I never went near the football team, though. Some of them had cars. [Rigorous criteria, here.]

[gayagenda]

Yeah, my dad was a doctor, so cars wasn't really the point. [She shrugs readily, taking another sip only to realize her drink is mostly gone. Stupid cocktails. They never last along enough. Before she goes on, she orders another drink.

And then thinks. How much is she going to let this girl know about her? Then again, they'll be living together. Santana has a feeling there's going to be enough ridiculous floating around.]

It was for a different kind of status. You don't have to like the guys to control them. [Another shrug.] But that was high school.

[ffuckoff]

Oh, shit. You were scary, weren't you? [She says it with no small amount of respect. While that was never an ambition of hers, it's something to respect.] I never wanted to control anybody. Underachieving, I guess.

[gayagenda]

Just a little. [The fact that she responds so easily means she passes some kind of test. Sure, Santana's not as much of a mean girl these days, but she has her moments. And she does those things for a reason of course. Someone's looking out for other people.] But I can give you lessons if you decide to change your mind on that.

[ffuckoff]

Nah, I'm a bit old for the football team. [But she can't help smiling at the offer. Santana, she's getting the sense, is a girl she would have fucking hated if they'd met in high school. But they're both older now, and it's a freaky kind of victory that they can get along at all. It makes Fiona feel old, but in a good way.] Only guy I'd wanna control is my boss, anyway, and I'm not sure anybody should sleep with him.

[gayagenda]

Well, there are other ways to do it, too. [It's casually dropped.] But maybe we'll just let me handle that if I spot you in need of it, all right? [She offers her a smile.

The smile itself? Not at all genuine, but it does seem like someone who would go out and blackmail other people if she thought someone needed it.]

[ffuckoff]

[Fiona knows a fake smile when she sees it, but far be it from her to judge anybody for that shit. Being able to fake emotions is a weapon and a defense; everyone deserves a powerful skill.] 'Preciate it. [She gives Santana a little salute.] So you'll round up your people, and drop me a line when you have enough for a deposit, okay? I've been saving up since I got here, so I kinda have the lead on you.

[gayagenda]

Yeah, I'll ask for an advance. I don't want to chance having to share a bathroom with a weirdo. [Which she will, in time, because Jack Sparrow.] This has been good, though. And oddly ... normal.

[ffuckoff]

[Fiona stands, putting her money on the counter. She gets her bag and her coat together.] Yeah, yeah, I try. [Said as though trying to be humble about a huge compliment. 'Normal' is nice, though; there's no denying that.] Call me up when you think you're ready, or I'll call you in a few weeks. Y'know, whatever.

[gayagenda]

I'll let you know if anything changes, too. [Which she'll have to, considering.] It was nice meeting you.