13. Tertius decimus | Video

[5thchild]

[ So, kaworu's posts are often to ask things about you. But today, he has decided not to make it about you, as much he loves you all. Because, during the masquerade party last night something happened and that kept Kaworu up all night long thinking about it. And because his only friend left, he will turn to the network. ]

Unconditional love doesn't care for rules such as self-preservation. When you do not care for your shape, you do not care if you are alive or dead, you can forget your truths that limit you and the world of shapes you live in, for you need nothing from this world. And so you can love unconditionally, limitlessly, weightless and without any definitions to it.

I love you unconditionally, from the depths of my heart. [ though he is speaking generally, right now, he will talk about this on an individual level, too ]

I do not understand what romantic love, sibling's love, friend's love. I do not have such limitations to how I feel towards you. For each person I love individually, I can not measure my feelings. I do realize the way I love one is different from the way I love another, because each person I individually love is different. [ but because it's different, it doesn't mean it's more or less. Considering Kaworu's feelings have no weight, it's impossible to give it an amount of how much he loves a person. He loves you and he'd die for you, period. ]

But- [ this is what causes him to stop. That small "but". ]

I am closer to some people than to others and the way this connection is made is drastically different between each of you. I love Jade [ Draco, he is not hitting on your girlfriend, he loves you too, okay? ] and yet the way we connect is not like the way I connect with Shinji-kun. The level of intimacy we share is different.

[ he actually expected to feel the same towards everyone else he loves. Same level of intimacy, same level of being close, same level of attraction towards everyone just the same. And he doesn't. ]

I don't understand why.

Comments

[ video | private ]

[nukeoleptic]

You're so silly, Kaworu.

[ video | private ]

[5thchild]

Why?

[ video | private ]

[nukeoleptic]

No one understands why.

[Audio]

[clean_cut_corporal]

[Levi sat on the chair in his room, just watching the video feed at first. He wasn't going to say anything at all, but after a short while and some deep thought, he decided to talk anonymously, after all, it was a subject close to his own heart.]

You're not meant to understand it. To understand such raw human emotion as love, in my eyes at least, would devalue it dramatically.

[His voice is low set, each sentence slowly and clearly spoken between sips of tea he was drinking.]

You might understand why like someone differently than others, but to be moved by them on such a deep level? It's a blessing. You should enjoy it while it lasts, because you never know when it will be gone.

[Audio]

[5thchild]

But you can define feelings of love for another like that - romance, friendship, best friends.

I don't hold those definitions, and yet my attachment to each person I love individually is different. I am closer to some than I am to others, even if I still love them the same way.

I should feel the same level of intimacy, as well.

[Audio]

[clean_cut_corporal]

You're making it more confusing that it needs to be.

[This is why Levi doesn't normally reach out and talk to strangers, his patience wavers fast.]

Why don't you define your feelings anyway? It's normal to have feelings of love for friends and possible love interests in a different way. What's wrong with you that you can't do that?

[Wow yeah, he's reflecting this a little onto himself if he's honest. Asking questions he should be asking himself instead. Sorry Kaworu.]

Video

[alternia_strength]

[ahem. He knows that he's somehow involved in this one, though he doubts it's anything recent. He had, after all, allowed the romantic venture to go fallow for the most part. Sighing, he looked at the feed and grunted.]

Let us attempt an analysis of your feelings. Take, for example, your feelings for this Shinji-kun and myself. Do not speak of the sameness in it or the things that are universal. Explain only what tells the feelings apart, what differentiates them.

Video

[5thchild]

[ yes he is. And it may not be recent, but Kaworu still thinks about it regardless. ]

I know all about him and I understand the pain in his heart. I feel that I must protect him. I know you don't need me and I realize you are capable of standing on your own. [ you are not frail, like Shinji ] I want you to be happy, but you don't need me for that. Shinji-kun doesn't either, but he still hasn't realized that. [ so Kaworu must be with him. ]

I am drawn to him. To everything he does. [ Kaworu almost adds something to it, but he stops before that. ]

I just want him to be happy.

Video

[alternia_strength]

You are withholding things... and still you seem to focus in part on the commonalities. [harumph. Be easier to break open, alien space angel boy.]

So, you wish to protect him and to make him happy, drawn to everything about him. And this is different from your feelings for me in what explicit ways?

[Incidentally, it's good that he's given up on that little thing. Oh how it would have broken his black heart, given that protection was part of pity.]

[becauseichooseto]

Why? Because if you felt the same way about everyone you'd end up exhausted, hurt and quite possibly bored.

[5thchild]

I don't understand why I would feel like that for loving others.

[video]

[notsogrimreaper]

I'm not sure anyone can truly understand the differences between love. Every type of love between every different person is unique, and there isn't a specific definition for whatever it is your feeling.

I wouldn't worry about trying to understand. Just... accept that it's happening.

[video]

[5thchild]

What if someone hopes a different kind of love from you?

[Video]

[tonsofpun]

Waaaas this supposed to go to somebody in particular?

Because it's really sweet and all, but you need to slow your roll.

[Video]

[5thchild]

It is about someone. Ikari Shinji. [ he is not even shy about it. He doesn't know it should be kept as secret or something ]

Slow my roll?

text

[windbreak]

yeah dude idk how new this is to you but for future reference?
that is WAY WAY too strong to just shout at a bunch of people you've never met!
they're gonna get totally the wrong impression!!

text

[5thchild]

Wrong impression?

[Video]

[comeonthensexy]

I don't think anyone can ever truly understand. You could spend a whole lifetime trying to figure out just what it is that makes something, someone... different. But if you do that, you'll forget the feeling itself. Why isn't the important thing.

[Video]

[5thchild]

But should I not feel the same level of intimacy and closeness towards everyone I love, when I make no distinctions of love?

video | private

[thehedgehogsdilemma]

[ Kaworu.

Kaworu, did you just really...?

REALLY?

Shinji died of embarrassment for a moment before finally responding. ]

How are you not embarrassed, saying all that in public?!

video | private

[5thchild]

It's how I feel. [ how can he be embarrassed of that? ]

[audio]

[dicey]

This is weird.

You're weird.

[audio]

[5thchild]

I have been called so many times.

Why am I weird, according to you?

Video;

[tradingsecrets]

That's because there are people that you may love, but you are not in love with. There are different degrees. Let me see if I can explain this properly.

I love my mother because we have that family connection and because she raised me to be the person I am, but that is not how I love my friends. My friends I would do anything for and I love them in a different way. I'd protect them, and I did so even when I ended up dying for it.

But, that is not the same way I love Annie, my wife. I share a special connection and I love her like no one else. She makes me feel completed and whole.

There are different types of love. Does that make sense?

Video;

[5thchild]

I understand you feel different types of love. And I understand the concept that you love each person differently. The way I love a person is different from the way I love another.

I don't however, have a concept of different kinds of love, which is the reason why i do not understand why I feel closer to one than to another, even though I love them the same.