asgardeventide | 13. Tertius decimus

[ So, kaworu's posts are often to ask things about you. But today, he has decided not to make it about you, as much he loves you all. Because, during the masquerade party last night something happened and that kept Kaworu up all night long thinking about it. And because his only friend left, he will turn to the network. ]

Unconditional love doesn't care for rules such as self-preservation. When you do not care for your shape, you do not care if you are alive or dead, you can forget your truths that limit you and the world of shapes you live in, for you need nothing from this world. And so you can love unconditionally, limitlessly, weightless and without any definitions to it.

I love you unconditionally, from the depths of my heart. [ though he is speaking generally, right now, he will talk about this on an individual level, too ]

I do not understand what romantic love, sibling's love, friend's love. I do not have such limitations to how I feel towards you. For each person I love individually, I can not measure my feelings. I do realize the way I love one is different from the way I love another, because each person I individually love is different. [ but because it's different, it doesn't mean it's more or less. Considering Kaworu's feelings have no weight, it's impossible to give it an amount of how much he loves a person. He loves you and he'd die for you, period. ]

But- [ this is what causes him to stop. That small "but". ]

I am closer to some people than to others and the way this connection is made is drastically different between each of you. I love Jade [ Draco, he is not hitting on your girlfriend, he loves you too, okay? ] and yet the way we connect is not like the way I connect with Shinji-kun. The level of intimacy we share is different.

[ he actually expected to feel the same towards everyone else he loves. Same level of intimacy, same level of being close, same level of attraction towards everyone just the same. And he doesn't. ]

I don't understand why.

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[ Needless to say, that makes Shinji hide his face again, for a moment. Even if this was private. ]

You say it so easily-!

[ But he's also sorry for being embarrassed, Kaworu. He's not ashamed of you. Not at all. It's just... Feelings. How does Shinji show them? So he hesitantly finally speaks up after pulling his hands away, ]

Um... W-Would you like me to only kiss you, too?

[ Eh? If he'd like that?

Kaworu doesn't want to force shinji into doing something. The other boy is free to do whatever he wishes to do, that's how Kaworu is. ]

Shinji-kun, is that something you want? To only kiss me?

[ A sigh escapes Shinji's lips. The boy looking like his courage was leaving him the more time passed.

'I love you. Why wouldn't I want that?'

Still not quite sure he can say it (and it doesn't look like Kaworu would force it out of Shinji.), he only resorts to nodding at the question, his gaze averted. ]

It would only mean something when it's you. [ Another pause before speaking up. ]

I'm sorry for leaving like that last night... I'm not ashamed of you or this.

It's alright, Shinji-kun. You don't have to worry about that. [ Kaworu never minds anything Shinji does. ]

And we will only kiss each other. [ Kaworu smiles softly ]

[ Though pink cheeks flush darker, almost red, a soft smile was beginning to come to Shinji's lips. Genuine. Bashful smile, not embarrassed, not awkward. ]

Kaworu-kun... Thank you. No one has ever cared that much about me before. [ Maybe there were people who did, but no one has gotten that through to Shinji like Kaworu has. And even though you don't understand and didn't have to... ]

[ the boy smiles back. he is sure Shinji is deeply cared for others, he simply has yet to notice it. ]

As long you are happy, that is enough for me, Shinji-kun.

[ He really isn't sure what he can show you, Kaworu. He isn't sure if he's anymore knowledgeable about this than you. But... Shinji will see what he can do.

Is it really enough, Kaworu...? Shinji didn't dislike that. He just wondered a moment if there was anything he could do for you, as well. But perhaps he'd talk about that another day. Rather than question it, he looks around for a moment. (Judging from his apron and the scenery of the kitchen, Shinji was on break for this. )

Shinji still feels awful about leaving Kaworu that night. And he knows if he says "Let me make it up to you.", the angel would just brush it off. So he won't go that route. But, instead, he does this.

He moves his bracelet to show a cello in the corner. Something he was definitely taking home with him. ]

Um... I never really got this until now because I stayed at the Heimdall housing. [ Playing one there would have been noisy for the other housemates. Probably.] And I've been practicing at the theater, so I was wondering... i-if you'd like to hear me play this new cello for the first time by playing something I made for you.

[ the angel blinks, tilting his head.

Ah- that.

Kaworu's smile widens, brightly, and he nods ]

I'd love to hear you play, Shinji-kun. I never did, before.

[ (And watch him not be able to play it when the city becomes mute. sob.)
A hand is raised and he rubs at the back of his neck in that bashful manner. His gaze is averted, unable to keep eye contact.

No, he's not quite used to compliments. Kaworu is just being Kaworu.]

Normally, I play what my teacher taught me. So I hope you'll like it, still. [ It'll be the first time Shinji created something. ]

I can't be as good as you are on the piano. [ And he does remember your Ode to Joy when they first met. ]

I'm sure you will, Shinji-kun. As long it comes from your heart, as long you set your heart to it, you will do amazing.

[ Kaworu is sure of it. He smiles gently at the boy ]

I can't wait.

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