asgardeventide | 13. Tertius decimus

[ So, kaworu's posts are often to ask things about you. But today, he has decided not to make it about you, as much he loves you all. Because, during the masquerade party last night something happened and that kept Kaworu up all night long thinking about it. And because his only friend left, he will turn to the network. ]

Unconditional love doesn't care for rules such as self-preservation. When you do not care for your shape, you do not care if you are alive or dead, you can forget your truths that limit you and the world of shapes you live in, for you need nothing from this world. And so you can love unconditionally, limitlessly, weightless and without any definitions to it.

I love you unconditionally, from the depths of my heart. [ though he is speaking generally, right now, he will talk about this on an individual level, too ]

I do not understand what romantic love, sibling's love, friend's love. I do not have such limitations to how I feel towards you. For each person I love individually, I can not measure my feelings. I do realize the way I love one is different from the way I love another, because each person I individually love is different. [ but because it's different, it doesn't mean it's more or less. Considering Kaworu's feelings have no weight, it's impossible to give it an amount of how much he loves a person. He loves you and he'd die for you, period. ]

But- [ this is what causes him to stop. That small "but". ]

I am closer to some people than to others and the way this connection is made is drastically different between each of you. I love Jade [ Draco, he is not hitting on your girlfriend, he loves you too, okay? ] and yet the way we connect is not like the way I connect with Shinji-kun. The level of intimacy we share is different.

[ he actually expected to feel the same towards everyone else he loves. Same level of intimacy, same level of being close, same level of attraction towards everyone just the same. And he doesn't. ]

I don't understand why.

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[ kaworu nods ] Humanity is indeed part of it.

... that seems kinda weird to come out and say.

[Not a bad weird, but he's acting like he's... responsible for it or something.]

Weird?

I don't think so. You are amazing and you are capable of so much. Even when you feel pain, you still hope for happiness and you are able to overcome the hardships in order to live happy as you can. In your perfections and imperfections, you have everything that deems you worthy of love.

But sometimes, you need to be remembered that you are deserving of it.

[She knows he's talking about humanity in general, but the way he's talking about it makes it feel personal, and she shifts uncomfortably.

She doesn't know what to do with that. Even if it's nice to hear.]

You think that about everybody?

As a whole. And everybody I have come to see individually.

Everybody?

Yes. [ he tilts his head curiously. What's wrong with that? ]

Even people who torture and kill for the hell of it?

No one I love individually is like that.

[ but he will add something else - ]

In this world, people's lives are filled with circumstance. Something that went right and something that went wrong. The people that surround you and how you surround others. The world that you live in and the world you wish you lived in. Interaction can be positive just like it can be negative.

One rises according to their environment and their lives. Sometimes, their actions are what you deem to be wrong, sometimes they are what you'd call "right". And sometimes, when you consider something right, later you will call it wrong, just like when you consider something wrong you may end up calling it right. In the end, it depends on you how you see others. It depends on who you are, what you are and how you came to be that.

I understand there is "bad" and "good" in this world, but I also understand there is circumstance. And that no sin is beyond redemption.

[His words make her think, and she can follow them easily, calling up all the experience, blood and pain that her short life has already contained.]

... I know what you're talking about.

But I don't -- think so. The redemption thing.

Why not?

There's some shit that you just can't come back from.

Do you have an example?

How about hunting somebody down and shooting their horse out from under them, before locking them in a cage and telling them to join you or you're going to kill them and cannibalize their body?

Because you like them and they're special.

Did that happen to you?

[She's still a little worked up, still a little pissed, but she hesitates for a second before it bursts out.]

Yeah. Yeah, it did.

And fuck that guy.

How was your world like, Ellie?

Edited 2013-10-28 16:51 (UTC)

... kinda shitty, Kaworu.

[She doesn't really elaborate, though. She's only just now starting to realize what a crapsack it actually is.]

I'm sorry.

Do you want to stay here?

Forever? No way.

I've got stuff I've got to take care of. And I've got to get back to Joel.

Joel?

[She seems to consider it. Joel's a lot of things. There isn't really word for him.]

I guess we're partners. He watches my back, I watch his.

[It's more than that, clearly.]

Would you like for him to be here?

Oh, fuck no. He'd hate it. A war? No way.

He'd be pretty pissed if the gods dragged him into this.

And aren't you?

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