001. Video

[fishdouche]

[Eridan is admiring his new bracelet, twisting and turning it to watch the stone set in the middle shimmer. He pauses, tapping at the center of the stone before addressing the screen, his entire demeanor radiating barely controlled rage and indignation.]

Wwhat the fuck is goin on here? Maybe you havven't heard a me, but, believve me, I am a seriously important troll an you're goin to rue the day you messed with Eridan Ampora. So wwhy don't you just go ahead an showw yourself an stop bein a fuckin cowward.

I don't blame you for hidin though, 'cause once I find wwhoevver is fuckin with me, you're dead.

[Suddenly occuring to him that his words might be more apt than he originally thought, Eridan is uncharacteristically struck silent for a moment. After all, he was dead. Not many trolls, even ones as talented as him, could survive being chainsawed in half. He'd been d-e-a-d dead and, now, well, he was here. Maybe this was some sort of afterlife... He dismisses the idea almost immediately with a visible shake of his head. This is stupid. Magic doesn't exist and these gods don't exist and... Right, getting back to the point. He taps at the bracelet again.]

I mean, at least you “gods” havve an appreciation for the finer things in life, but Eridan Ampora is nobody's toy. Least a all a bunch a shoddy magicians or wwizards or wwhatevver you wanna call yourselvves. Evveryone knows that magic isn't real. So, nice try, but  I'm not buyin it. Game's ovver.

[Secure in his victory over whatever charlatans are trying to pull the wool over his eyes, a smirking Eridan shuts off the video feed. Or at least he attempts to but only manages to change the video screen size. He curses, spluttering in frustration as he pushes buttons randomly until the bracelet finally turns off. So much for his attempt at coolkid status.]

Comments

[samantha_grey]

[Oh look. Another troll. Samantha was still getting over being wanged by Gamzee in the back of the head, so seeing yet another of the impossible to understand cretins show up wasn't exactly on her list of 'things to do.']

So there are important trolls now, as opposed to chainsaw wielding gardeners and insane clowns. Right. Where's Aradia when you need her? She made sense.

...

Hate to break it to you, troll boy, but you're stuck here like the rest of us, and Baldr and Loki do like to treat us as toys now and again.

[She wasn't even going to dignify the magic comment with a response. Without her spells, it was little more than hot air anyway.]

[Video]

[fishdouche]

A course there are important trolls. An I happen to be one a them. I'm practically royalty, so wwatch your mouth, land dwweller.

--Wwait, Chainsaww wwieldin--... Kan. [Good job. Eridan looks flustered.]

[Audio]

[occulthymns]

[Oh god that voice is familiar.]

You again??

[Audio]

[fishdouche]

Wwhat do you evven mean by that? I havve nevver seen you before in my life. Not that I can see you noww.

Howw do you make this stupid charlatan's toy wwork? Tell me.

[sanscoq]

I woke up this morning as a woman. Be careful in what words you sling about in public, non?

[Lest you become a goldfish or something. That'd be a confining lifestyle.]

[fishdouche]

Oh yeah, I'm gonna believve somethin like that. Howw do I knoww you're not wworkin wwith these freaks to fuckin fool me? You havve probably alwways been a female.

[Yeah, that entire taking advice graciously thing? Eridan missed that day of school.]

video

[badluckdelivery]

You're just a big ball of rainbows and sunshine, ain't ya kid?

Video

[fishdouche]

Wwhat?! [Eridan looks offended, but probably not for the right reasons. Trolls have always had a problem understanding sarcasm.]

I do not look like one a them fuckin freaks a nature from Kan's wweird novvels. You take that back.

video;

[entreats]

So if this isn't 'magic' according to you, what would you call it then?

[ since that last part is.. well, pretty familiar to her, despite this guy just looking plain weird. ]

video;

[fishdouche]

Science a course.

[Uh, duh.]

[video]

[hazukashii]

[ what a strange-looking guy... ]

Um... But it is real in some worlds... That's what I heard.

[video]

[fishdouche]

Clearly, someone's lyin to you, an you shouldn't let them make a fool a you any more.

video;

[debunk]

You're back.

[ that's all she'll say - she's tired of being intimidating and chasing him around, only for him to disappear. she's not wasting energy this time, but she definitely doesn't look happy. ]

video;

[fishdouche]

[The thought occurs again that maybe he is dead. That would explain why this entire situation seemed tailor made to make him miserable. It would also explain Kanaya, not that those two were really mutually exclusive. Especially if Kanaya remembered, well, just about anything.

But, he clings to the hope that maybe she wouldn't. Wouldn't remember. Wouldn't hate him. Not that he actually cared. He didn't regret anything. It's just that this situation was getting increasingly more awkward.]

Oh, hey, Kan. I wwas here before?

[Smooth.]

[trickyoutwice]

So if you're no one's toy, what're you doing stuck here with the rest of us?

[text]

[fishdouche]

im not goin to be here for vvery long so dont wwworry yourself ovver me

video;

[trainwrecking]

I'm going to give you the same advice someone gave me once. The situation was kind of similar to this: wake up in a strange world, wonder if you're dead...

[ He speaks as if this is 100% normal. You know, like the sun coming up in the morning or sunday television sucking. Yuzuru sounds fairly calm. ]

"Accept things as they are. Learn to be more flexible."

video;

[fishdouche]

Dead? That's just ridiculous. I knoww I'm not dead.

[His voice wavers even more than his normal accent. The only hint that he might actually be even slightly worried.]

An wwhat is the point a acceptin things as they are if as they are is just plain awwful.

[video]

[tipsygnostalgia]

What's up, troll Casanova? [She will never get tired of calling new-Eridans that.]

This place sure does love playing the revolving door game with you. It's all real though, maybe you should be a little nicer this time around!

[video]

[fishdouche]

[New Eridans. He's startin to resent even himself making him look bad.]

Casanovva? That better not be a damn insult.

And if these charlatan imposters think I'm goin to start makin friends with these lowwbloods and start exposin my collapsin and expandin bladder based aquatic vascular system for evveryone to see, they got another thing comin.

[biifurcatiion]

and lo and behold, the tool return2 agaiin two plague u2 wiith hii2 2elf-iimportant attempt2 at beiing relevant.
do your2elf and everyone el2e a favor and ju2t fuck riight off agaiin, la2t tiime you were pretty quiick two piick up on the fact that liiterally nobody want2 you here and the net happiine22 of everybody went up by 900% a2 2oon a2 kn hacked your fii2hy a22 iin two.

[text]

[fishdouche]

lo an behold looks like someone is askin to be showwn his place again
to be honest sol you can keep waxin caliginous for me with your juvvenile and frankly unimaginativve insults but i cant evven make myself care because youre just a pathetic wriggler
so why dont you just shut the fuck up
or else ill make it so you cant evver be showwn anythin else

video

[highstakesgame]

Hooooooh? Magic isn't real? Do tell me more!

[yeah, she remembers you from last time, but it looks like she might get to play with you more now]

video

[fishdouche]

There's not much else to it, really. Wwhat part wwas so hard to understand? Wwas my advvanced vvocabulary too difficult for you? Let me make a second attempt, out a my owwn generousity an understandin your human feeble think pan has a hard time graspin the difference in reality an fiction.

Magic. Is. Fake. It's make believve created for wwrigglers.

[honky]

well
IF IT ISN'T WHAT ALL IS MY MOTHERFUCKIN FISHBRO :o)
welcome back motherfucker.
HONK HONK :o)

[text]

[fishdouche]

[The last time Eridan had seen Gamzee, he'd had Nepeta's hat on. And he was a holding a club covered in her blood. Needless to say, he wasn't sure he even wanted to respond to this text but he found his hands betraying him as he typed out the simple greeting.]

wwell gam im glad at least one person is happy to see me

[spaghettiokay]

Nice hair.

[He totally means it, too.]

[video]

[fishdouche]

[Eridan is quiet for a moment, sizing up the situation.]

... Thanks.

Yours isn't too bad either.

[fiduspear]

Woah. Heyy, Eridan.

[video]

[fishdouche]

Oh. Hey Tavv. I guess you're here to tell me howw it'd be better if I wwent back to bein' dead, too.

Just savve your breath. I don't care wwhat any a'you think a'me.

video; sorry this is late!

[tyrian]

You're back again? [Luckily, Feferi has (at least for the moment) exhausted the amount of times she can immediately be angry at a new Eridan. She still manages a great deal of annoyance, though, and rolls her eyes accordingly.]

I don't see why they keep bringing you here. You're not going to be any help.

video; don't apologize! It's perfectly fine! <3

[fishdouche]

Fef.

[Her name is whisper quiet as he stares at the video feed projected from his bracelet. There is a long pause before he speaks ad then his normal bravado is back.]

Maybe wwhoevver is in charge a'this place is givvin' us a chance to wwork out all the shit betwween us, Fef. I mean maybe they're givvin' you a chance to change your mind and make the right choice this time.