asgardeventide | 001. Video

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001. Video

[Eridan is admiring his new bracelet, twisting and turning it to watch the stone set in the middle shimmer. He pauses, tapping at the center of the stone before addressing the screen, his entire demeanor radiating barely controlled rage and indignation.]

Wwhat the fuck is goin on here? Maybe you havven't heard a me, but, believve me, I am a seriously important troll an you're goin to rue the day you messed with Eridan Ampora. So wwhy don't you just go ahead an showw yourself an stop bein a fuckin cowward.

I don't blame you for hidin though, 'cause once I find wwhoevver is fuckin with me, you're dead.

[Suddenly occuring to him that his words might be more apt than he originally thought, Eridan is uncharacteristically struck silent for a moment. After all, he was dead. Not many trolls, even ones as talented as him, could survive being chainsawed in half. He'd been d-e-a-d dead and, now, well, he was here. Maybe this was some sort of afterlife... He dismisses the idea almost immediately with a visible shake of his head. This is stupid. Magic doesn't exist and these gods don't exist and... Right, getting back to the point. He taps at the bracelet again.]

I mean, at least you “gods” havve an appreciation for the finer things in life, but Eridan Ampora is nobody's toy. Least a all a bunch a shoddy magicians or wwizards or wwhatevver you wanna call yourselvves. Evveryone knows that magic isn't real. So, nice try, but I'm not buyin it. Game's ovver.

[Secure in his victory over whatever charlatans are trying to pull the wool over his eyes, a smirking Eridan shuts off the video feed. Or at least he attempts to but only manages to change the video screen size. He curses, spluttering in frustration as he pushes buttons randomly until the bracelet finally turns off. So much for his attempt at coolkid status.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

how about you hold 2tiill whiile ii riip out your throat and then pii22 all over your 2ad mutiilated corp2e, you 2elf-2erviing fe2teriing piile of fii2hrot!
SIINCE YOU WANT TWO BE DEAD 2O MUCH.
whiich, coiinciidentally, ii2 the only way ff would ever be 2afe becau2e the only threat to ff ii2 the fact that YOU cant get over your2elf and your bloated, waterlogged ego and get iit through your head that 2he doe2nt want you or need you!
and iif 2he diid, 2he wouldnt have dumped your a22 liike la2t periigee'2 tra2h, now would 2he?

i knoww she doesnt wwant me like that asshole
but some a us can fuckin look past our owwn problems an do wwhats best for the trolls www care about evven wwhen theyre a heartless coldblooded bitch wwho drain trolls dry a their devvotion an loyalty
no you knoww wwhat
if she wwants to wwaste her life and demean herself wwith a fuckin bulgesuckin lithpin thithead
then fine
just keep her the fuck awway from me

oh boo hoo iit2 everybody'2 fault but your2.
ii'm eriidan ampora why doe2nt anybody feel 2orry for me why don't ii get theiir uncondiitiional love iit mu2t be theiir fault and not the fact that ii'm an iintolerable 2hiitrag wiith no 2elf awarene22.
gue22 ii'll ju2t go eat worm2 and cry iin my pretentiiou2 douchebag cape.
2hut up and get the fuck out of my face.

NO YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME SOL
you took awway fuckin evverythin ivve evver evven thought about wantin
so you stay the fuck out a my face or i wwill make up for the imperial drones mistake
an cull you
on sight

OH MY FUCKIING GOD.
ok ii realiize you are allergiic two rea2on or 2en2e or rememberiing how event2 actually happen becau2e you are fuckiing delu2iional, 2o let me try two piiece thii2 together for you.
II, 2OLLUX CAPTOR, have been TRYIING TWO GET RIID OF YOU 2iince you deciided two go 2talkiing my a22 all over creatiion tryiing two get my attention.
and ii diidnt take anythiing away from you.
you took iit away from you.
you were 2uch a diip2hiit that 2he dumped you, ii diidnt tell her two do that and fuck you for thiinkiing ii could make her do anythiing becau2e unliike you ii dont a22ume that anyone who'2 friiend2 wiith me belong2 two me or that ii have a riight two diictate two them what they can or cant do.
but gue22 what, 2he hate2 you all on your own, YOU lo2t iit and YOU bulliied her and YOU were the one who went off the fuckiing deep end all on your own and that'2 nobody'2 fault but your2.
iit ii2 all on you, 2o you can ju2t 2uck iit up and deal wiith iit you whiiny a22 biitch.
ii have been telliing you ii am NOT IINTERE2TED iin your 2hiit from the fiir2t niight you came after me but you ju2t cant take a hiit.
we can do thii2 a2 many tiime2 a2 you want but the one way or another the one dyiing ii2 alway2 gonna be you, your royal douchiine22.

damn sol im not goin to fuckin rise to your rather juvvenile bait
you can yell until youre piss in the face but as long as you stay the fuck awway from me i dont care about your disapprovval or wwhatevver
not like i evver wwanted to fuckin impress any a you wwrigglers anywway
so this convversation is fuckin ovver

[He's just going to play the cool and collected card now, Sollux. And take the high road. Because it makes him better than you.]

[...did he just get what he wanted?]

GOOD.
FIINE.
2tay fucked off for the re2t of your 2hiit fiilled liife!

[No, not really. But, he never seems to get anything he actually wants. Maybe if he stopped being a douche and actually asked for-- ... no, that would never work.]

FINE
GOOD
goodbye sol
try not to die in a fire wwhile im not there to wwatch

[now if only Eridan would go away, Sollux could have what he wanted. Sort of. At least he could have quiet.]

WHY ARE YOU 2TIILL TALKIING TWO ME.

youre the one still talkin to me freak
so just fuckin' shut up

you 2aiid you were goiing!
WHY ARENT YOU DOIING THAT.

IF YOU WWOULD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLY SHORT LOWWBLOOD LIFE I WOULD

Edited 2012-09-01 21:31 (UTC)

MAYBE IIF YOU WERENT 2O NAU2EATIINGLY DE2PERATE FOR ATTENTIION II WOULDNT HAVE TWO KEEP TELLIING YOU YOU WERE A PATHETIIC GRA2PIING 2HIIT2TAIIN WHO DOE2NT KNOW WHEN TWO QUIIT.

[No, Sollux. This is Eridan Ampora. And he will have the last word. Or dye of hand cramps trying.]

AN IF YOU WWERE SO DESPERATE TO CONSTANTLY PROVVE WWHAT A INSUFFERABLE BULGEMUNCHIN WWASTE A SPACE YOU ARE THEN I WWOULDNT HAVVE TO KEEP RESPONDIN TO THESE MESSAGES TO PUT YOU IN YOUR FUCKIN PLACE
WWHICH IS ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT A ME BOWWIN AN SCRAPIN LIKE THE FUCKIN LOWWBLOOD COMMONER YOU ARE

i dont understand wwhats so hard to get sol
im higher on the hemospectrum im more powwerful
im just better than you
ADMIT IT

Edited 2012-09-03 00:58 (UTC)

FUCK OFF AMPORA.
ii refu2e two contriibute two your ma2turbatory 2e22iion2 of iimagiiniing your2elf a2 a per2on of any actual worth or value ju2t becau2e you have fuckiing fiin2 and the biigge2t douchebag cape that the uniiver2e can abiide by wiithout 2elfde2tructiing out of 2heer embarra22ment for haviing you iin iit.
go 2uck your own bone bulge, ii am bu2y haviing a liife that wa2 2hockiingly great wiithout you bargiing your way iinto iit.

NO YOU FUCK OFF CAPTOR
if you fuckers wwould just help me for once in your damn useless livves an tell me howw to get the fuck out a this place i wwouldnt be ruinin your perfect life

iif ii knew how two get riid of you dont you thiink ii would tell you how two get the fuck out?
no waiit you wouldnt thiink that becau2e youre a paranoiid lunatiic lackiing the nece22ary cell2 two rub together two proce22 that ii would gladly kiick your a22 two the curb and fulfiill your de2iire two wallow iin your own mii2ery by your2elf forever iif iit meant ii diidnt ever have two hear from you agaiin.

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