asgardeventide | 6. video

[ Backdated a few hours back to the evening of the nineteenth!

Tavros is humming. Just humming. He's already sang on the network once, albeit due to a recording left running before he remembered he'd started one. The singing wasn't really all that bad!

This, however... ]

My chick bad,
My chick hood
My chick do stuff dat ya chick wish she could

My chick bad, badder than yours
My my chick bad, badder than yours
My my my chick bad, badder than yours

[ A pause. ]

Well, it's Friday and it's my day
Just to party all the way to Sunday
Maybe 'til Monday, I dunno what day
Everyday's just a holiday
Crusin' on the freeway
Feelin' kinda breezy
Got the top down, lettin' my hair blow
I dunno where I'm goin'
All I know is when I get there
Someone's gonna "touch my body"

[ He looks terribly confused at that lyric there. ]

Excuse me miss, I don't mean to sound like a jerk
But I'm feelin' just a little stressed out from work
Could you punch me in the stomach and pull my hair?
Spit on me, maybe gouge my eyes out? (Yeah)
Now, what's your name girl?
What's your sign?
Other trolls saying, "Man, you must be up out your mind"
No I'm just, checking out that behind,
Woah!
Beer Goggles! Blind!
I'm just trying to unwind!

Now I'm gonna make you dance
It's your chance
Yeah boy shake that ass
Oops I mean girl girl girl girl
Girl you know you're my world
Alright now lose it
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)
Just lose it
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)
Go crazy
(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)
Oh baby
(HA-HA)
Oh baby, baby
(HA-HA)

[ This? This is awful. It's filled with Tavros' trademark pauses, it doesn't match whatever beat he was supposedly going for. There are plenty of uhs and lengthy pauses where it looks like he desperately wants to say something about how none of these lyrics make sense except maybe he thinks the original rapper might be desperately longing for a kismesis but doesn't know how to blackflirt, but whatever magic this is encourages him to continue on with the atrocity rather than indulge in a moment or two of mind numbing stupidity. ]

Uh, [ he blinks, and then his chest swells with what has to be pride and like any good thirteen year old, Tavros declares his challenge. ] The stage has been, uhh, set, Asgard! For the straight up, mother-flipping, sickest fires to, take this town! I, challenge you, to a slam poetry contest, and, winner take all... But, there isn't actually a prize, so, bragging rights, are what you win. But, I, uhh, will, personally schoolfeed, all of you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Okay, prepare yourself for, some ill incendiaries. [ And he'll actually

beatbox first. ]

[Aika waits for him to begin, racking her brain to think of rhymes. She actually finds herself swaying along a little to the beatboxing.

So, Aika,
I'm so glad you decided to, bite-a,
I think that we're going to do just fine,
we'll start off slow and, just toe the line,
slam is a lifestyle and, we're gonna freestyle,
so hold that phone and, just wait to dial,
the hospital, 'cause all we're going to do is work up a boil,
hope you've got growing powers because these seeds are in the soil.

Hey, Tavros
Beats like yours should be played on all the stereos
I've never rhymed like this, so I hope I'm okay
Though the nerves in my voice might give me away
As for powers, nope, mine is charm
So it won't be much help when you disarm
My ears and my mind with this slamming you've got going
Now back to you, while we've got the rhythm flowing