[Video]/Action for Hel

[parasiteye]

[ Today's video post starts with lots of glare; sunlight streams directly into the feed through a window for several second until whoever's got the camera on shifts--apparently pulling their arms down from above so that they're held at an angle where there's just a view of the windowsill and their hands. Normal people hands with black nails and a lovely little midget wolf spider dangling between them. They'll twist upward so they stand parallel with the window, and as the spider taps at his hands to test the waters Kaz will start speaking like he's talking to someone off-screen. ]

Okay, so...I guess the first thing is glad t'see you're eatin' right. I mean you started off super-puny so I figured you'd be dead by but seriously, look at you. Totally fattening up there. Good work~ When it gets warmer I'll sneak some of the good stuff in for you. My treat.

I'd tell you not to pay me back but s'not like you've got anything I want. Your place is pretty empty...the other idiot that lives here can't decorate for shit. [ And while he carries on the little wolf spider will drop to his thumbs and start crawling around there, scoping out the large "O" he's made with his fingers to spin a web ]

So, rule number one. Always keep your legs up--right, yeah, like that. Up up so she thinks you're bigger than you actually are. That's the most important thing since as soon as she's on top of you that is basically it: no escape. Don't waste time trying to overpower her because you're obviously not gonna be able to do that. Just go in with your teeth and bite her as much as you can...wait no--first you gotta get up on her back make sure you're on top and then bite her.

When you stick 'em in go right for where she's soft. That's your best bet to give her as much as you've got. If you're lucky it'll be quick and you can get the fuck away before she figures it out.

[ CONGRATULATIONS ASGARD YOU NOW KNOW HOW TO FIGHT A SPIDER. That's what he just described....ye...p.......

GIVIN' ADVICE TO ALL THE ARACHNIDS. ]

You got all that Qhhth'ssqhk? This is important shit. [ YES HE ALSO NAMED THE SPIDER SHUT UP. ]

Comments

[video]

[wasthemaster]

[...y e p. It's official; the people of Asgard have completely lost their minds.]

Vital advice, I take it?

[video]

[parasiteye]

Shut up.

[video]

[wasthemaster]

Not exactly an answer. [He's just kind of staring at the video, watching that spider.] You don't really think it can understand you, do you?

[video]

[parasiteye]

It's a spider. Of course it doesn't understand anything a human would say!

[video]

[wasthemaster]

And yet you're talking to it anyway? Seems quite counter-productive.

[video]

[parasiteye]

Shut up? I can do whatever I want.

[video]

[wasthemaster]

You can, but you should also expect running commentary when you allow yourself to be seen by the public.

[video]

[parasiteye]

It wasn't supposed to be.

[video]

[wasthemaster]

I'd check more carefully next time if I were you then.

[video]

[parasiteye]

Like I didn't think of that already?? Thanks brat.

[video]

[wasthemaster]

My only question is where did you obtain something that hideous?

[video]

[parasiteye]

Huh?

[video]

[wasthemaster]

The spider.

[video]

[parasiteye]

... [ hdu insult Qhhth'ssqhk ]

You're not that much of a looker yourself y'know.

[video]

[wasthemaster]

[hdu 8|]

Much better off than that thing, I can tell you that.

[video]

[parasiteye]

As if! Look at you. You're...rickety.

[video]

[wasthemaster]

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

[video]

[parasiteye]

And your haircut's stupid. Pretty much the only thing going for you is your huge forehead.

[video]

[wasthemaster]

[...HISS.]

How dare you. My haircut's perfectly fine. If anything, you should see to fixing your own. And ditch the nail polish, unless you're trying to look like a teenage girl.

[video]

[parasiteye]

I don't paint my nails--that's stupid. Just like your haircut. [ AGAIN. 2x stupid hair combo draco ]

[video]

[wasthemaster]

[Urgggh shut uppp.]

They're black.

[video]

[parasiteye]

[ ]

I'm a demon.

[video]

[wasthemaster]

[jfldkasjf 8|!!!! RUDE.]

So?

[video]

[parasiteye]

So I don't have normal delicate human nails, that's what.

[video]

[wasthemaster]

[...wait a moment. Spiders. Demons.

...]

You're Kaz, aren't you?