asgardeventide | 20. Vicesimus

[ even in war there is time for philosophy. maybe. Kaworu comes to the video, smiling. He is sitting in his room; on the walls, there are MANY photos of many different people he has met while in Asgard. In his lap there is Zadkiel, an adult orange cat, who is purring loudly (surprisingly, because this cat is the devil) ]

Of all the things you have learned through your life, which is the one you praise the most, the one you think of the most about, the one you are most glad to have learned, met or seen? And why?

[ and because he learned it's better to answer your own questions in order to help others answer, Kaworu will do exactly that ]

I'd say mine is rain. Since this body was created, I have lived inside a laboratory and I was not allowed contact with the outside world. When I first arrived to Asgard, it was around this time of the year and it rained. It was the first time I had seen and felt it, during an afternoon when I shared with someone who is no longer in this world. I suppose that's why I came to love it. Rain reminds me of him. Rain reminds me of many things, and each is very dear to me. [ his hand reaches to pet the cat's head as he looks down at him ]

Ever since I arrived, I was allowed to learn much and see much. I was allowed contact with others, and I was allowed to learn about others. [ yes, "allowed". Because before, he was more of a labrat, not allowed much.

He smiles softly and after he turns to the bracelet again ]

I'm very glad for the time I have spent here. And I thank you for it. I thank you for all that you showed me and taught me, and I thank you for being there. It made this extra time I was allowed much more meaningful.

[ and he is talking about himself which is weird for those who know him, but the war is ending and it's time ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Is it bothersome?

Are you pleased with all you have learned, Equius?

Pleased? I'm not sure that the word I would use is pleased. No, much of what I have learned is exceptionally unpleasant in its own way. But at the same time, it's been necessary.

Fulfilled? I think that word is appropriate.

Unpleasant? Such as what?

Do you feel fulfilled, then?

The realization of the internal inconsistencies and inadequacies of one's entire culture are at times a little bit on the harrowing side, Kaworu. However, it would have been foolish to ignore those. But, yes, I feel more fulfilled than when I arrived.

I'm glad yo hear that.

Do you think there are perfect societies, Equius? That many live in a world where everything is perfectly laid for them and there is nothing else to make better?

If you had asked me once, I would have said as much, but any longer and I would not be able to say that any species or culture is truly perfect. There must always be assumed to be room for improvement or stagnation is guaranteed.

it's the same with people, no? One always has room for improvement.

This is not an easy thing to accept at times, Kaworu. I suspect you know this by now. Most people are not prone to the kind of introspection necessary to recognize their limitations. My species is particularly poorly suited to it, if I were being honest.

Certainly it's not. I have told you before, one measures themselves by one's own small measurements; it's difficult to see beyond what you know.

But I'm certain your species is still able to, even if slower than you'd hope.

To be completely frank, I suspect that there were specific individuals who attempted to do so. They were usually executed for heresy or treason or something of that nature. Were Feferi to have survived, she might have been more successful due to her bloodline...

Change comes in all sort of different forms. The game you have entered in your universe is perhaps the beginning of a change your kind aimed towards.

... I wish that was actually accurate, Kaworu, but it was the ill-conceived notions of a doom obsessed fool and the one he often duped into their shared shenanigans who frequently led our number, despite the inappropriateness of it. In the end, I expect that, from what some have said, there is an effort to cause the game to be something more, but it requires the death and failure of countless versions to reach.

Honestly, I cannot conceive of that much failure as being somehow indicative of a cumulative success. It speaks to poor design.

Do you believe that failing does not bring any kind of success?

That much failure and ill conceived maneuvering seems unlikely to produce positive results. From the little information I have, it is epic in its problems.

I hope you will get to see the end result nonetheless, somehow.

I may be dead while doing so, but we will see in the meantime. Hopefully I can appreciate it at the very least. That would be... something.

Do hope to stay in Asgard, or returning is your priority, Equius? [ kaworu has asked this many times all through the months they have spent here. He asks because he wants to know if the opinion changed ]

I would have preferred to remain while Nepeta was here, and I would... accept it if I did, but I have come to terms with the fact that I am not likely to do so when this is over.

Are you afraid you might regret that choice?

No. It is simply the reality of this place. I have no control over Nepeta's departure, and it is impossible to keep us here indefinitely. Coming to terms with it has simply been needful.

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