asgardeventide | 20. Vicesimus

[ even in war there is time for philosophy. maybe. Kaworu comes to the video, smiling. He is sitting in his room; on the walls, there are MANY photos of many different people he has met while in Asgard. In his lap there is Zadkiel, an adult orange cat, who is purring loudly (surprisingly, because this cat is the devil) ]

Of all the things you have learned through your life, which is the one you praise the most, the one you think of the most about, the one you are most glad to have learned, met or seen? And why?

[ and because he learned it's better to answer your own questions in order to help others answer, Kaworu will do exactly that ]

I'd say mine is rain. Since this body was created, I have lived inside a laboratory and I was not allowed contact with the outside world. When I first arrived to Asgard, it was around this time of the year and it rained. It was the first time I had seen and felt it, during an afternoon when I shared with someone who is no longer in this world. I suppose that's why I came to love it. Rain reminds me of him. Rain reminds me of many things, and each is very dear to me. [ his hand reaches to pet the cat's head as he looks down at him ]

Ever since I arrived, I was allowed to learn much and see much. I was allowed contact with others, and I was allowed to learn about others. [ yes, "allowed". Because before, he was more of a labrat, not allowed much.

He smiles softly and after he turns to the bracelet again ]

I'm very glad for the time I have spent here. And I thank you for it. I thank you for all that you showed me and taught me, and I thank you for being there. It made this extra time I was allowed much more meaningful.

[ and he is talking about himself which is weird for those who know him, but the war is ending and it's time ]

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I'm....not sure. The person I'm most glad I met would probably be Lee. He is the reason I'm still alive. He taught me how to survive. How to shoot. He saved me so many times.

[But then. That's something nearly everyone knows. Hardly the first time she's talked about him after all. But that doesn't make it any less true. Lee took care of her. Got bit because of her. And in the end, he did keep that promise to help her find her parents.]

I guess I'm too used to being outside in the rain back home to appreciate it the same way you do though. 'Extra time'?

[She guesses that makes Kaworu another one that is supposed to be dead back home?]

[ Kaworu hums ] I'm glad he was there for you, Clementine. And though you do not appreciate rain the same way I do, you have had the chance to see so much. It's something to be glad for, as well.

And I mean that am I dead.

I am too. I wouldn't have made it without him and everything he did to help me. Some of it....I wish I didn't see. But you're right. I was able to go outside when I wanted. I had a normal life before the walkers.

[There's a pause at his answer and a solemn nod, though he can't see that on voice. She swallows.]

I thought so. I know a couple of people who are....dead back home too. I hope you can stay. Sending people back home only to die....seems like murder. Sometimes things are better here.

And here, were you able to enjoy things here as well? new or otherwise?

[ she can't see it, but Kaworu smiles softly ] I must return. My role is not finished yet.

I...guess. There was this...slumber party Maribelle had. It was....fun. I hadn't really been to one before. There's lots of things in Asgard I didn't get to experience back home.

[But. Wait. What? Okay that has her confused.] How do you mean?

If feels good to learn new things, doesn't it?

[ how to explain this without making it overcomplicated? You don't. Basically. because Evangelion, man ] My existence is linked to the existence of future timelines. You can say it's a loop.

When the timeline is over, another will begin, and the world will go through rebirth, just like the souls part of it. I am meant to come into that reborn world with the memories of the last and I will be the only person.

It does. I missed it. And school.

[She listens, not....entirely sure she fully grasps it but thinks she gets the vague idea at least.]

It sounds....lonely. For you to be the only one to remember.

School? Why? [ he doesn't quite know what school is, to be honest ]

It is, very lonely. [ nobody really understands just how much ] it's alright, though.

Maybe because that's what I most remember when things were normal. Before the walkers. Being in class, having homework....

[The same sort of thing perhaps as this school in Asgard, albeit not necessarily the same subjects.]

You're just...used to it then? That's still just...depressing.

In Asgard you were allowed it again. The war has influenced it, though, no?

[ he speaks the next words softly ] I'm very glad for it. Each time, i'll be able to meet the person I love once more. Each time, I'm allowed to learn more and see more of him. I only hope to make him happy, and I will keep doing it until I'm no longer needed.

So it's not something to be sad about. It's something I wish to do, out of my own selfishness.

It has. But it is still....school. Still classes, still having homework. It's normal. Routine. Familiar. People need that sometimes.

[There's a pause as Clementine considers that for a moment. She doesn't entirely understand but she can empathize with caring for someone. Not wanting to let them go.]

I guess. I just never really thought of things like that. Like--reincarnation, sort of? Once we're dead, that's it. Back home. Well. Except for the walkers.

And routine is good, it makes one comfortable.

[ he hums softly ] Reincarnation, but with consequence. The life one lead in one cycle may influence the next. However, no one truly knows such will happen, besides myself; I am the only one and thus, everyone will believe there is nothing else after death.

And even if you tried to tell someone? They might not believe you. Even then....trying to explain this to someone....even I can tell you're not fully telling me all of this. And this much is hard enough for me to try understand.

[ kaworu pauses for a moment ]

I don't have to tell anyone. This sort of thing is happening because it's allowing people to grow. They have to be the ones doing it, to learn by themselves.

However, the reason why I'm doing it is because I want someone to find happiness. And that's all it matters to me. If I told him about this when we met in a new cycle, it'd only bring him pain.

Edited 2014-10-15 08:08 (UTC)

Learning by teaching themselves. By...doing, I guess? I think I get it. It still seems lonely but if you accept it....that's the main thing.

[Like Lee said in her dream after she got shot. Sometimes, caring about people means we might let others get hurt if necessary. Sometimes people will lie to protect those they care for. Whether outright or by omission.]

Not by doing. By living. You learn everyday, even when you don't notice it.

And it doesn't matter if I'm lonely. [ because Kaworu always says he doesn't matter ] Loneliness is something one can never erase, anyway.

I guess we do. Even when we don't necessarily think of it or see it as learning and actually.....reflect on it. We do. You're right.

Of course it matters if you are lonely. Nobody should be. Especially here with so many of us.

[But she knows how it can be. She spent months here without Lee at first, after all.]

It doesn't. [ matter, he means ] It's quite alright, neither is something to worry about.

20. Vicesimus | Video

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