$3 | Video.

[ffuckoff]

[Fiona is sitting at home, on her bed, hair tied back in a loose pony tail. She's wearing a simple T-shirt. Altogether, she looks casual, comfortable and like a real go-getter! What a coincidence, what with that being her intention and all.]

Hey! This is Sigyn house. [She moves the camera around, so it gets a good view of her room: clean, neat, organized.] I'm sick of living here anymore. But I need you [she points directly into the camera] to help me out.

I have enough saved up to rent out a place, but I need roommates. I'd prefer an actual house, but I'm good with apartments and condos, whatever. Anything that doesn't have those giant rats crawling around outside-- have you seen 'em? Pink, with the huge ears?-- in the walls is basically great.

I'm clean- [she lets the camera get a good look at the neat and orderly room around her again] and sane. You won't even have to see me too much, I work most of the day as a secretary. I don't have any infectious diseases, and I can mix drinks. Call me. Fiona Gallagher, Sigyn house.

[Still cheery, she waves at the camera, if a little... can waves be sarcastic? If so, this one was. And then, affecting a slightly more serious tone and posture, she says:] On a totally unrelated note, does anybody around here know anything about exorcisms, or demonic possession, that sort of thing? This is on school business, don't worry, my head's not gonna start spinning around. Gimme a head's up if you have any experience in that area; I might have a job for you. Just, y'know, contact me over the network, and watch out for any real big flights of stairs.

Comments

[ffuckoff]

Well, I don't mean to be all spooky and shit, but you can beat Nazis.

[zen_en_vert]

That's true.

[As though she's made a very philosophically valid point.]

It's probably also more comprehensible.

[ffuckoff]

I... guess? I haven't exactly talked to a lot of Nazis. The fucking skinheads at my high school don't count.

[zen_en_vert]

Skinheads?

[Horrified.]

[ffuckoff]

Yeah, they were just trying to be edgy and ended up at racist. I'm pretty sure Jerry regrets all those fucking tattoos; he works at the DMV now.

[zen_en_vert]

I narrowly dodged a few bad tattoos in my life, and definitely am pleased about that.

[ffuckoff]

I have one on my ankle, but it's a star, not a swastika.

[zen_en_vert]

Stars are fine. But keep in mind I was at the height of adolescent rebellion in about the year 1985. My 'I hate my family and am such a rebel' tattoos would have been a lot more... well. Probably some sort of celtic themed animal expressing my independence, or else something scifi themed.

[Actually he was only ever at risk of getting math jokes tattooed on him... but it's fun to catastrophize his near misses.]

[ffuckoff]

[She laughs.] I think I know a few guys who got weirdo celtic tattoos, would you've gone wolf or a weird angry tree?

[zen_en_vert]

I want to say tree, but really, the wolf might have won me.

[ffuckoff]

How is a wolf better than a tree?

[zen_en_vert]

There's this overtone of masculinist aggression that's really weird and strikes me as sort of unhealthy. I'd rather be a plant than a predator.

[ffuckoff]

"Masculinist"? Are you for real?

[zen_en_vert]

It's a word. Isn't it a word? I might be smooshing it out of two words.

[ffuckoff]

I dunno, you're the fucking scientist. I just never thought I'd hear that kinda complaining from someone post-1960.