asgardeventide | 001 ♊ text

[ Stuck somewhere you don't want to be? Time to be a brat about it. Cue terrible teenager hissyfit incoming in 3... 2... 1... ]

ii wa2 doiing 2ome thiinking
real deep 2oul 2earchiing 2hiit about beiing here
and ii came two a conclu2iion:
ii hate thii2 place and ii hate everyone here
actually ii diidn't even have two thiink very long or hard about it
everyone ii2 all liike
2ave u2 2ollux you're our only hope two not be hopele22ly boriing and mindle22 for the re2t of our mii2erable liive2
(two whiich ii have two 2ay welcome to beiing me hope you hate your own exii2tence a2 much as ii do)
and all ii really want two do ii2 go back two lyiing on that 2hiitty horn piile and talk about 2hitty feeliing2

ii have an iidea though ju2t hear me out
what ii do ii2 ii trade iin thii2 gaudy piiece of crap bracelet
take my p2iioniic2 and my mutant braiin and all that other 2hiit
buy a tiicket for the get the fuck out of here expre22
and go back two that 2hiitty rock
fuckiing geniiu2 ii know

p2 before anyone 2ay2 iit
ii don't know you and you defiiniitely don't know me
maybe you thiink you know 2ome other me but you don't
2o don't even go there

[ translation:

I was doing some thinking
Real deep soul searching shit about being here
And I came to a conclusion:
I hate this place and I hate everyone here
Actually I didn't even have to think very long or hard about it
Everyone is all like
Save us Sollux you're our only hope to not be hopelessly boring and mindless for the rest of our miserable lives
(To which I have to say welcome to being me hope you hate your own existence as much as I do)
And all I really want to do is go back to lying on that shitty horn pile and talk about shitty feelings

I have an idea though just hear me out
What I do is I trade in this gaudy piece of crap bracelet
Take my psionics and my mutant brain and all that other shit
Buy a ticket for the Get The Fuck Out of Here Express
And go back to that shitty rock
Fucking genius I know

P.S. before anyone says it
I don't know you and you definitely don't know me
Maybe you think you know some other me but you don't
So don't even go there ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

2ee al2o: thiing2 ii've already done
are you ju2t here two tell me the obviiou2 or what?

Learn something new every day. Well, that's a lesson for me. Thanks for the in-depth look into your life. I'll give you the same deal I'm giving Karkat. Twenty Questions. I don't really care how dumb they are.

Consider it karma if you need to know why. Take em or leave em. I don't care enough to give two shits.

waiit 2o you're actually giiviing me the choiice to contiinue thii2 iinane driiveliing excus2e for a conver2atiion
do you hone2tly thiink ii am actually goiing two take iit

You know, you have a point. If you're anything at all like the other bastard who we're not going to name right now, you'll say something dumb, insulting and purile and hang-up. So, fuck it.

I'm not going to go away, so you might as well ask the twenty questions now, because you're not going to want to later.

ii don't want two riight now 2o iit'2 not liike that'2 goiing two change
oh look another problem 2olved
ii ju2t blew my own miind

You have no concept how much you won't want to soon enough. Start asking, or I'll start really irritating you, biclops.

[Why did she feel like she owed Sollux one? God only knew, but he'd been helpful once before, so ... maybe she could tolerate this shit for a little.]

nope not happeniing
you were already annoyiing me though
2o agaiin nothiing change2
you 2uck at thii2 game

You're like talking to a brick wall, you know that? This isn't really a game, you realize. None of it is. It's deadly serious, and god help me when you're not being a complete tool, I'd like to think you're almost useful now and again, so maybe I'd like you to get past the idiot stage a little bit quicker than you might already.

uh well then you thiink wrong
there ii2 nothiing pa2t the iidiiot 2tage
that'2 all there ii2

Sure there, is Sollux. There's the idiot stage where you think you're going to get out of here in a week or two and won't listen to shit. Then there's the moron stage where you try something colossally stupid to get home. Then there's the almost intelligent stage where you hunt down someone you trust to get answers. And then there's the surly asshole stage where you cope with shit and make yourself useful.

Skipping stage two would be grand.

okay 2ee here'2 where you're wrong
and here'2 where the poiint about YOU DON'T KNOW ME come2 iin
ii get iit we're 2tuck here
iif you could ju2t leave no one would be here
but ii gue22 sarca2m ju2t goe2 riight over your head
ii don't need an2wer2
ii need to be left alone by a22hole2 liike you
who 2TIILL thiink no matter what ii 2ay that ii owe them 2omethiing
ii don't know you ii don't giive a 2hiit about you and ii don't owe you 2hiit
what you liike or want ii2 2o far from relevant for me riight now iit might a2 well be back on the meteor
except that iit doe2n't even exii2t iin my uniiver2e 2o iit'2 nowhere
my level of cariing about any of thii2 ii2 runniing at a defiiciit
2o you miight a2 well ju2t quiit whiile you're ahead becau2e thii2 whole conver2atiion ii2 poiintle22 and goiing nowhere

Yeah, this is real familiar, Sollux. Real familiar. You two are a lot alike, you know.

[funny, that.]

But you're wrong. This isn't about what you fucking owe me. It's about what I owe that shithead who left. It's just getting deposited to your account for free. You don't need answers? Fine.

But, I almost guarantee we're going to talk again sometime soon. So, if you don't want answers, I'll do you one colossal favor. Learn from the other jackass and stay the hell out of my love life, for both our sakes. The whole god-damned planet will appreciate us not having that conversation again. And when you get over yourself, maybe we can have a civilized talk this time around.

I'm not betting on it.

iif you really want two pay back 2ome fiictiional debt fiine
ju2t do iit by leaviing me alone

That might actually be better, but I just don't see us doing that well at it. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Here's the number for a pizza place in town. I think they deliver.

[Arguably the most useful piece of information he'd get from her today.]

ii 2ee me doiing ju2t fiine at iit
2ee ii'll do it riight now

[Welp, he did at least get his wish. She'd shut up, and he hadn't even gotten her name. Of course, odds were decent this wasn't the of things, and she was still silently stalking the thread, just in case.]

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