asgardeventide | 001 ♊ text

[ Stuck somewhere you don't want to be? Time to be a brat about it. Cue terrible teenager hissyfit incoming in 3... 2... 1... ]

ii wa2 doiing 2ome thiinking
real deep 2oul 2earchiing 2hiit about beiing here
and ii came two a conclu2iion:
ii hate thii2 place and ii hate everyone here
actually ii diidn't even have two thiink very long or hard about it
everyone ii2 all liike
2ave u2 2ollux you're our only hope two not be hopele22ly boriing and mindle22 for the re2t of our mii2erable liive2
(two whiich ii have two 2ay welcome to beiing me hope you hate your own exii2tence a2 much as ii do)
and all ii really want two do ii2 go back two lyiing on that 2hiitty horn piile and talk about 2hitty feeliing2

ii have an iidea though ju2t hear me out
what ii do ii2 ii trade iin thii2 gaudy piiece of crap bracelet
take my p2iioniic2 and my mutant braiin and all that other 2hiit
buy a tiicket for the get the fuck out of here expre22
and go back two that 2hiitty rock
fuckiing geniiu2 ii know

p2 before anyone 2ay2 iit
ii don't know you and you defiiniitely don't know me
maybe you thiink you know 2ome other me but you don't
2o don't even go there

[ translation:

I was doing some thinking
Real deep soul searching shit about being here
And I came to a conclusion:
I hate this place and I hate everyone here
Actually I didn't even have to think very long or hard about it
Everyone is all like
Save us Sollux you're our only hope to not be hopelessly boring and mindless for the rest of our miserable lives
(To which I have to say welcome to being me hope you hate your own existence as much as I do)
And all I really want to do is go back to lying on that shitty horn pile and talk about shitty feelings

I have an idea though just hear me out
What I do is I trade in this gaudy piece of crap bracelet
Take my psionics and my mutant brain and all that other shit
Buy a ticket for the Get The Fuck Out of Here Express
And go back to that shitty rock
Fucking genius I know

P.S. before anyone says it
I don't know you and you definitely don't know me
Maybe you think you know some other me but you don't
So don't even go there ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I know what you wrote. I would like to know why do you think people would "put up" with you. Do you think you are that terrible?

Edited (engrish i know it) 2013-11-07 18:58 (UTC)

ii don't thiink.
ii know.

Alright. what makes you terrible?

oh ii don't know everythiing
what do you want me to lii2t out everythiing ii hate about my2elf
becau2e we'll be here for a few day2 at lea2t

Then tell me the main reason why. What you makes you hate yourself so much?

Edited 2013-11-07 19:06 (UTC)

fuck ii don't know how can ii piick ju2t one?
becau2e ii hate everyone?
becau2e ii'm a fe2teriing ball of mutual loathiing and 2elf-loathiing?
because ii'm depre22iing a2 fuck even on a good day?
E2PECIIALLY on a good day.
2hould ii keep goiing or are we done wiith thii2 poiintle22 exercii2e now?

I would ask "why" to ask of those questions. [ but it'd be pointless.

So instead he is going to ask - ]

What do you live for?

[ Good plan. Rant averted. ]

nothiing
ii gue22 two diie
iit'2 goiing two happen you know

Everybody dies. Some sooner than others. Death is the ultimate freedom; nothingness. You become nothing and no one needs nothing. But if you look at your hand or if you look in the mirror, there is something there. You are not nothing, you exist and you are here. The reason why, only you know. But you are something. You are someone. And that is already worthy.

yeah that'2 all niice and 2appy and whatever
but ii know ii am goiing two diie
twiice actually and ii already diied once
and ii have the feeliing iit wiill be pretty 2oon
or at lea2t ii diid
but ii'm pretty 2ure that'2 thii2 place ju2t fuckiing iit up
and not anythiing actually changiing

[ Sollux, let's not make a contest out of "who dies the most times". kaworu pretty much dies in every single canon of his. He is literally the character meant to die. ]

It won't. You will still die. But while you are here, you have time. It may be brief. That's why in this brief life, you do whatever you can.

[ Death olympics! Except Sollux doesn't even know he can't even die right yet... ]

go tell iit two 2omeone who actually care2 then
iif you thiink ii'm about two ju2t roll over and change my miind on thii2 2orry but iit'2 not happeniing
you miight a2 well quiit wa2tiing your time and go be 2iickeniingly optiimii2tiic 2omewhere el2e

I don't think it's wasting my time. And it's fine if you don't change your mind. You are fine. [ he just would like for Sollux to see it ]

that'2 pretty weiird

Why?

becau2e you ju2t wa2ted all thii2 tiime telliing me thii2
when you don't even know me
and iit diidn't make any diifference
and you ju2t don't care at all?

It's not time wasted. [ and he does care ]I can't force you to see what you are and I can't force you to know what you are. But even so, you are fine the way you are. Either you see it or not. Either you understand it or not.

ii'm not the one who doe2n't under2tand here
ii thiink ii know my2elf after siix 2weep2

There are people who spend their lives searching for who they are and never find themselves completely. But as they go, they learn things they never knew. There is much you are capable of that you still don't know about.

ii'm not 2earchiing
ii know who ii am and ii know what ii'm capable of and that ii2 liike almo2t half the problem

Are you worth anything?

And yet you exist. Life is what you decide you want it to be. It's your truth. It's your mind that conceives that you are worthless and bad. The mind which confuses the reality you believe with truth. Your truth is formed by a narrowed view of the world, formed by information you collected to protect yourself that was given by other people or by your own experiences. But the view of the world one can have is quite small. One measures things only by one's own small measures. But if your view and position change, the things inside the mind will change a lot. "Happy on a sunny day, gloomy on a rainy day", if that's what you are taught, that's what you'll always think. But you can enjoy a rainy day. Your truth can be changed simply by the way you accept it - that's how fragile truth is.

no that'2 wrong
that ii2 wrong on 2o many level2 ii know what the truth ii2
and the truth ii2 that my entiire exii2tence ii2 leadiing up two the day ii go bliind and diie
no one every beliieve2 me about thii2 2hiit untiil iit'2 actually happenniing
and then they're act all 2urprii2ed that iit happened
even though ii 2AIID iit would
iit happen2 exactly how ii 2ay and no one care2 or notiice2 that 2ollux was riight
becau2e that'2 ju2t how iit ii2
becau2e ii'm the a22hole who ju2t 2iit2 around biitchiing about how terriible everythiing ii2
becau2e iit II2 terriible but even when ii'm riight no one want2 two lii2ten becau2e they're sick of iit
2o iit'2 real niice that you're tryiing two 2pew thii2 optiimii2tiic hoofbea2t2hiit at me
but you're wrong

Does it upset you they didn't listen or does it upset you they didn't act like they cared that you'd die?

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001 ♊ text

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Text; ☆ gold star for effort... :')

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Text; /w-wordvomits i'm sorry

Text; no i'm the one who should be sorry

Text; never apologize <3

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