[video]

[nukeoleptic]

[ The video starts begins with the frowning face of a teenage girl with perked dog ears atop her head. ]

Okay, first of all! Everyone who is new, hi! My name is Jade, and welcome to Asgard, and make sure to let someone know if you need something! I can be helpful - I've been here practically forever now.

Secondly, I am going to need everyone to stop dying, thank you very much.

Thirdly - and this one kind of goes back to the second point, here - if you don't know how to use a weapon, you need to learn how to use a weapon. [ The frown on her face grows a little more severe. ] We are at war, and we can't always rely on our powers! Because some of them kind of suck - no offense, Harry - and when we're attacked, they're not gonna care if you're able to make a giant fireball or if you can just float half a foot off the ground.

[ Her expression is very decidedly stubborn. ]

I can teach you how to shoot a gun. I want to teach you how to shoot a gun! If you can't fight? Please let me teach you how to shoot a gun so you don't die, okay? Between here and home I've died like four times [ five, she's just unaware of that last one right now ] and I am getting sort of sick of it. Let me help!

Or at least let someone.

[ Jade leans forward, as if to end the video, before she wrinkles her nose and adds - ]

Also there's no pie at the Highwind today because my baker is being a butthead. Sorry Stiles. Take it up with Ryan!

Comments

[chronologistics]

Wrong.

[teenyoda]

...

Or not.

[Weirdo.]

[chronologistics]

No.

[Give him a little credit here; his expression -- what little can be seen with the sunglasses and all -- does grow somewhat serious, almost somber.]

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how much experience with guns, or swords, or ninjaku, or goddamn rainbow-shitting flying cats you got. When it's all fire and brimstone, and the sky is falling, and some major shit is going down, everyone is capable of physically wielding a weapon. The ones that don't die are the generally gonna be the ones who let themselves get stitched up a couple of times.

[teenyoda]

And someone took this conversation to serious town.

[Stiles just rolled his eyes.]

Look, I get it. Shit happens in all kinds of worlds. I sort of figured that. But that doesn't mean I'm going to think that giving a loaded weapon or sharp pointy thing to someone that isn't capable of using it is going to do them or anyone around them any good. You know the statistics on gun related deaths because of children getting their hands on a gun? I do.

[chronologistics]

Says the guy who's going to statistical city.

[Shrug.]

Look, between you and me, I don't think there's really a good answer. Just bottom lines. All I'm sayin' is, if there's anyone who's disciplined enough to handle a gun, it's Harley.

[teenyoda]

Says you. I still don't want her waving one around me.

[chronologistics]

Says me. She's a clean fuckin' shot.

But now you got me all curious.

[teenyoda]

About what?

[chronologistics]

What do you think should happen? We're kinda in the middle of a goddamn war. I mean, it's not like we can all sit in a circle, drink herbal tea, and make flower crowns while singing Kumbaya. I might have to just take myself out back behind the shed and blow my own brains out, in that case.

[teenyoda]

[He wasn't going to admit to the guy he'd do the same, but come on.]

I think that this whole thing is bullshit and I'm getting really tired of being dragged into shit that I don't have anything to do with and having to suffer because of it. Or having my friends suffer. I think the gods have their thumbs up their asses more often than not and they're putting a shitload on our shoulders without giving us the full scope of what's going on. So you know what? If I want to go get high off hippie tea instead of getting eviscerated, maybe I will.

[chronologistics]

...

[Wow. Okay.]

Well at least we can agree on the fact that the whole thing is bullshit.

[teenyoda]

[Yay. Dave got his verbal diarrhea. Sorry, Dave.]

Yeah, I'll sign off on that one.