02 [Video]

[littlesoul]

[She had nightmares again. Screaming, bloody things that leave her tearing at her mind, crying out and pleading with whatever god will listen to make them stop, make it all top.

But when she opens her eyes, she finds herself calmer, grateful even to be where she is, despite not having her crew, her family, with her. At least not most of it.

So she's awake and perched on her window, watching the sun. She smiles a little bore turning on her bracelet and staring into the recording device]

This place is strange. It gives us the people we love, then takes them away again. It gives us great gifts but at the price of some of the gifts we had...

But I think about where I could be. All the places I could be, one of them being dead, and I'm grateful that I'm here. Not every day, not most days, but right now I'm just grateful I can see the sun.

Comments

video.

[livedtwice]

No place is perfect. Every place can lead to loss.

So, I guess the way you're speaking ... I agree, River. I'm not certain I'd put it that way, but I definitely agree.

[littlesoul]

[She smiles a little, nodding her head.] Everywhere is changing and part of change is loss. We'll always lose people, it just becomes a matter of being able to survive once they're gone.

[livedtwice]

I think people usually survive, but it's handling the loss to get there that makes it difficult. But you're right, part of change ... is loss, except for those who have experienced a lot of loss. Then it's not much of a change at all, is it?

[littlesoul]

Becoming numb and lack of change are different things. You still change, even if you refuse to acknowledge it

[livedtwice]

I don't know if I'd call it numb, though. But you're right otherwise.

[littlesoul]

Inaccurate. Sorry. I'm...not as good as I used to be. Not with some things.

[livedtwice]

It's fine. Most people aren't used to loss in a way that doesn't involve numbing.

[littlesoul]

Maybe it was just hoping. I don't remember what it's like to be numb.

[livedtwice]

What ... does it feel like to be you, then?

[littlesoul]

Loud. Everything loud and in your face. Screaming. Everything screaming and clawing and trying to get your attention. You feel everything and it pulls you down, makes you feel like you're choking. Drowning.

[livedtwice]

That's ... not good. Even now? Here?

[littlesoul]

No, not here. It's different here. Sometimes it's loud but it's never as loud as it was. Everything's external, nothing's in my head. Nothings pulling me down from the inside.

[livedtwice]

So ... how you feel, it might be exaggerated by an ability of some kind.

[littlesoul]

[she nods.] Used to be. Not anymore.

[livedtwice]

I wonder if there is some way you can permanently learn to handle it while you're here, so that when you go back, it isn't difficult anymore. Unless you mean it's easier there, too.

[littlesoul]

Things were...they were changing. They might be easier, might not. Can't really be sure, I wasn't there long enough to find out.

[livedtwice]

So you don't even know if you have something to look forward to.

[littlesoul]

Not entirely. Things should be different, they should, but it doesn't mean they will.

[livedtwice]

Are you alone here? Or are there others you knew before Asgard?

[littlesoul]

One person. She's around but I don't see her often.

[livedtwice]

I'm sorry about that. Especially if things are good for you here. It might be nice to have others, even considering the circumstances of why we are here.

[littlesoul]

Try not to think about it, why we're here. Try to remember that we are needed for more than just weapons

[livedtwice]

I would never see myself as just as weapon. No one should.

[littlesoul]

I try, doesn't mean I always do.

[livedtwice]

Did that—is that something that started before here, too?