9th Card ♛ Text | Day 214

[key_illusion]

[Hello Asgard, it's "???" popping up again.]

What makes a home?

Is Asgard a home to you now?

[........Yup, that's all he has to say, even if he should probably notify people who may be interested to know that he's alive awake.]

Comments

[key_illusion]

There's a difference between helping someone get better and succeeding and trying to help, making it worse, then not backing off.

[He's rather calm while explaining, but still not quite looking at the feed.]

[faints]

There's a difference between being angry and stabbing someone too! [ And that he actually raises his voice a little for, hands clenching into fists. ]

[key_illusion]

Why do you think I was angry?

[faints]

I don't know anymore--you won't even talk to me. You just yelled last time I tried to ask you. [ Hurt flashes across his face for a second, and for a brief moment he copies Access and avoid looking at the screen as well. ]

[key_illusion]

I yelled at you because I was angry and confused. [It's still any issue even if he's barely focusing on it now.]

I didn't want to be human, but after experiencing what it was like...It screwed me up, and I was so angry that I had to be like this again. It was like getting a heart and then having it ripped away-- it hurt, and I didn't want to think about it.

[Bad example since the other problem he had was learning about how Nobodies could have hearts, but he's not going to explain that one.]

[faints]

[ He'd suspected, thought that might be the case... But he didn't want to assume given how up ???'d been. Again he finds himself unable to look at the screen, shoulders slumping. ]

But how could you hurt Lea? What if it'd been me?? Would you have... [ Stabbed him again, like he had during the Darkness event? ]

[key_illusion]

No, I wouldn't. [The response is immediate. He really doesn't have to think at all about that.]

Because he was reminding me of my own pain. He was hurting me too, and he wouldn't stop.

[And then he lost it.]

[faints]

Then is that...me? With my memories? Or is that you, Access? [ "Do I become the sort of person who'd attack the people he cares about?" SECRET IS YES YOU DO, ROXAS. ]

[key_illusion]

That--... [Is not the question he was hoping to hear, and it's incredibly hard not to keep the guilt out of his expression.]

...Let's meet up. [He's not going to answer it now.]

[faints]

...Where?

[key_illusion]

At the bench. [You know the one.]

[faints]

.....

Alright. [ The usual "I'll see you soon" is absent as Roxas switches off his bracelet, but even then he doesn't leave right away. He just sits there, wondering if this is a good idea or if he even really wants to see Access.

But the answer to the latter is an obvious yes, angry or no. He was really worried about him. So more than a little conflicted he'll grab his coat, heave a sigh, and head out to Gefion. ]

[key_illusion]

[??? will be there, standing by the bench and staring up at the sky. He's picked his grey hoodie and the scarf Euri gave him to go out in.

He has no clue how this is going to go, but he knows without a doubt he wants to see Roxas. After everything he's been through back in the datascape, it will be good to see him, even if his original is angry.]

[faints]

[ He'll have to wait a little while since he's on foot instead of his skateboard, but even then Roxas approaches in silence. There's no need to call out or say anything because Access probably sensed him the moment he entered his power radius. And he also doesn't know if he should, or if he wants to right now.

So he just walks up to his twin in silence, watching him with a mixed expression. ]

[key_illusion]

[???'s actually not bothering with Telepathy because it's something he doesn't want to focus on at the moment. He simply wants his own thoughts, but it's still not a surprise when Roxas approaches. He still remains silent for another moment, but he sighs.]

It was both you and my experiences here.

[faints]

...Huh?

[key_illusion]

[??? just shakes his head.]

Never mind. Just know that I'm never going to hurt you, okay? What happened with Lea was a disagreement, but what I did wasn't because of something that happened in your past.

[But his actions were similiar to Roxas' past actions when everything was too much.]

[faints]

How could you become that sort of person though Access? What if it'd been Namine? Or Nina?

[key_illusion]

...Because I was hurting too much. [And he's always been this person.]

And don't bring Namine into this.

[faints]

Why not? Lea, Namine, Nina--they're all people you care about.

What happened to you, Access...?

[key_illusion]

Because... [He's quiet, thinking over what he's going to say before sighing again, although more reluctant.] Because Namine is my creator, so our relationship is different.

And like I said, I had a lot taken from me. That and everything else...was hard.

[faints]

Why wouldn't you let me help? You just shut me out when I tried to talk to you... [ his fists clench again, but finally he's able to look up at his copy, expression hurt. ]

Do you have any idea how worried I was??

[key_illusion]

[??? looks up as well, but even if the anger isn't there from before, there's that subdued, hopeless look.] ...I knew, but you couldn't make me human. And just thinking about it felt like I was being ripped up. I didn't know what to do except to try to ignore it.

[faints]

[ It hurts, seeing that. Because it's him, because it's not, because...he really cares a lot about you, Access. ]

But that's how I felt when I found out I was a Nobody, that my memories weren't real. I thought that everything I thought I'd felt might have been fake, that I'd never really know what it felt like and I wouldn't be able to be normal like other people.

But that just made it worse. Don't you remember...?

[key_illusion]

I do... ['But it's different', he wants to say. He's been through almost the same thing through Roxas' memories, and yet turning back into data felt just as bad.] Everything you felt was real though, and they're still real.

[Which is why he's still bitter about the fact that Roxas had to return to Sora. It didn't have to be that way.]