asgardeventide | => 001

[The feed cuts in at the Heimdall Welcome Hall, and a troll that may be familiar to several individuals appears on the screen.]

WELP.

THIS SURE IS GREAT.

I LOVE BEING UPROOTED FROM ONE SHITTY SITUATION TO ANOTHER, MORE ASININE ONE. MOST DEFINITELY MY FAVORITE THING IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE. ASK ANYONE.

SO, WHAT? I GUESS I LIVE HERE NOW?? WHATEVER. I THINK I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SAYING HELLO TO EVERYBODY, BUT I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY.

[Karkat probably doesn't have time to actually say anything because there's suddenly a shout.] Karkat? Karkat! [The video feed is probably a blur of motion with lots of greys, blacks, and reds. There's a face that hasn't been around recently. Aradia has bounded over to Karkat and is basically invading all his personal space.]

When did you get here? Have you talked to Sollux or anyone else? A lot of our friends are here you know! You have to tell me what point of the timeline you're from.

[Aradia had lost her bracelet and is pretty much oblivious to what's been happening as of late.] I guess we got here at the same time! I mean I was here earlier but I lost my bracelet hehe.

ARADIA, STOP. I ONLY GOT LIKE HALF OF THAT--

HANG ON.

[The feed is cut.]

(( Grey is Karkat, Red is Aradia.))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

IT IS HORRIBLE. REALLY, REALLY HORRIBLE.

MARRIAGE IS THAT HUMAN UNION CEREMONY ISN'T IT? THE ONE OF THE FLUSHED PERSUASION? SO PEOPLE JUST GO OFF GETTING MARRIED WHENEVER THEY FEEL LIKE IT?

[Does that count as three questions?]</small?

[She's lost track already. She'll remember to count later.]

Humans don't have quadrants, but I guess that's closer? There's at least one that's in the works yeah. Might be two. I can't remember. I think they've been here most of the last few months, so I guess it's not completely willy-nilly.

By the way. Your whole concept of romance is kind of fucked up. Just saying.

I KNOW HUMANS DON'T HAVE QUADRANTS. I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'VE SEEN PLENTY OF HUMAN ROMANTIC COMEDIES. HOW DO YOU THINK I KNEW WHAT A MARRIAGE WAS?

ALSO, NO. OUR CONCEPT OF ROMANCE IS NOT FUCKED UP. IT MAKES COMPLETE AND ABSOLUTE SENSE, IS INTRICATE, AND IF EXECUTED PROPERLY CAN MAKE A TROLL FEEL EMOTIONALLY FULFILLED.

HOWEVER, I DON'T EXPECT SOMEONE WHO'S GROWN UP WITH A HUMAN CONCEPT OF LOVE TO UNDERSTAND.

You watch that trash? Crap. I saw one of those. Never again. And, ummm, I don't know if you've caught on quite yet, but humans don't have horns.

I haven't lived in much of human culture, Karkat.

I SAW YOUR HORNS, BUT YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW MORE ABOUT HUMAN ROMANCE THAN TROLL ROMANCE.

I NEVER SAID YOU WERE HUMAN, I JUST THOUGHT YOU HAD SIMILAR TRADITIONS. MY BAD.

ALSO NOT ALL ROMCOMS ARE BAD. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A TROLL ONE?

It's... complicated. I'm half demon. We're not exactly known for stable romance. But no, I haven't seen a show like that unless you're talking about live shows.

LIVE SHOWS?

NOPE. DON'T WANNA KNOW. THAT QUESTION DOESN'T COUNT.

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY SEE AN ACTUAL MOVIE.

[A snort and a laugh. He'll find out eventually.]

Fine then. Maybe later. Next question.

I KIND OF DOUBT IT, BUT ARE THERE ANY IMMEDIATE THREATS WE HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT? BESIDES ORNERY GODS I MEAN.

Right now? All's quiet on the western front. When Freyr blew himself to hell, he took out a lot of the enemy. Both sides have lost a lot of people and the gray's back in force again. It looks like everyone's licking their wounds for now.

OKAY. I THINK I CAN ROUGHLY UNDERSTAND THAT.

That whole thing makes more sense in time. Well, at least a little more sense. Next question. [Ok, she was having fun with the questions game. It wasn't like he was asking personal questions anyway.]

I'M HAVING A HARD TIME THINKING OF ANY MORE. HOW MANY HAVE I USED UP?

Seven, I think. I won't count that one. You want to save them and ask me later around the time you come barreling down my door to shout at me for some shit I've done?

[Hey, come on, it's not like sh hasn't had uncomfortable talks with Feferi, Sollux, Eridan, Kanaya, Karkat and Gamzee at various times.

Why should this be any different?]

YEAH, I'LL WAIT.

YOU'VE GOT SOME HISTORY WITH US DON'T YOU?

Three months is apparently long enough to get yourself into a fair amount of stupid drama, yeah...

No, really. I'm fine with you guys except Sir Honks a Lot, and I'm fine keeping my distance from him if he shows up again. I just have a way of breeding shit by being me.

I actually like most of you guys, though you can be a lot to take in as a group.

TRUST ME, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN.

AS LONG AS YOU DON'T START STIRRING UP SHIT WITH US, I WON'T CAUSE TROUBLE FOR YOU EITHER.

FAIR?

...

Fair.

I've got a question about that, actually, but how about I let you get a breath in on your first day back? Come bug me at my shop. I'll send you the directions. I've got something I want to ask, but I'm not sure how to do it, and everyone around here's either involved or hard to understand.

[She points at Aradia with a wink after the second statement.]

YEAH, GOT IT. I'LL GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU IN A WHILE.

[There was no actual reply. An hour later, he had directions to Pinch of Sage sent to him, but Sam seemed content to close the feed.

God, that was going to be a tricky question to ask. Hopefully Karkat didn't hate Eridan too.]

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