asgardeventide | 01. Primus

Entry tags:

01. Primus | Video

[Kaworu comes to the screen with a kind and gentle smile.]

Hello. I'm looking for a piano or a violin. I'm not sure where I can find one; not to buy - I simply wish to play for a while.

[and now that is out of the way, he wishes to ask something else]

I do have another question. Are you happy?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No. Right now, agreeing wouldn't be only making me happy. It'd be... giving into...

[ emotional... blackmail. ]

...a compromise.

[he is.

well.

clearly conflicted. If not frustrated.

This might be one of the very few times Kaworu feels like this. And the first time Shinji has seen (pardon me, heard) him like this]

I don't want to, Shinji.

-- sorry. I'm sorry. I am. But you have to.

[ a long ass pause.

Actually, if it wasn't for some background sound, it'd sound as if kaworu had left the conversation.

But he does speak, after a while]

Yes.

Fine. See, it's not that ba - not at all that... bad.

I'll... I'll let you - you can have a rule too. There. Even. We're even.

[ excuse Kaworu, he is feeling things he hasn't felt up until now, so not only he is conflicted, but he is also a bit confused.

In layman's terms, he is kind of pouting. Maybe a bit sad, too. It's hard to tell, this is Kaworu after all. ]

I don't want to give you any rules.

Do or don't, it's fine either way.

I won't.

...don't make so much of it.

I don't like this feeling.

Don't worry. You get used to it.

Yes, I know.

...it's better like this. It's for your own good. I'm doing the right thing. Just... just trust me.

I don't matter, Shinji. [ he told you that before ]

Then why are you upset? Matter or don't. Feel or don't. Make a rule or don't. Die or don't. Stop making me decide things for you.

You matter. [ hence why he is trying to make you happy and you aren't letting him ]

And though I do not matter, I still exist. I won't end my life with no reason either; just like I don't enjoy feeling unpleasant emotions without reason.

[ a small pause ] I do trust you, though.

[ 'You matter' is due - but not forthcoming. ]

Do as I've asked you, then. Do... those things you want to do. You, yourself. After your own taste. After your own mind. After your own feelings. Not mine. I can't live for two people. Sometimes, I can barely live for one. I can't manage two, so - so, don't make me. Please, don't. Become your own person.

[ if you had said that from the start it would have been easier ]

I understand.

However, rather than having you living for me, I would prefer to live for you. I believe I was born to meet you, after all. [and he still adds] Besides, I have a hard time seeing myself individually. [ just like he has a hard time seeing everyone else individually ]

Edited 2012-10-23 23:32 (UTC)

[ And you're wrong. ]

Kaworu. We are not one person.

I see you separated from the rest. I love you individually. It was because of you I've come to love others. But they aren't you. [so he can't see them individually]

My love for others is conditioned by you for they are part of you. I see others as a whole and I love all of them the same way I love you, but only if they remain a whole.

[ so much love goin' on here ]

Edited 2012-10-23 23:42 (UTC)

In other words... in other words, you can't love them unless it's easy. Unless you don't know them.

I don't think you understand what it means me loving you and loving those who aren't Angels. [he condemned his whole damn race. Killed them. Don't call it "easy".]

I don't think you understand 'love.' It's a word you use.

It's fine if you believe that.

Are you... being... contrary?

[ ANGELS COME IN THAT FLAVOUR?! ]

01. Primus | Video

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;