01. Primus | Video

[5thchild]

[Kaworu comes to the screen with a kind and gentle smile.]

Hello. I'm looking for a piano or a violin. I'm not sure where I can find one; not to buy - I simply wish to play for a while.

[and now that is out of the way, he wishes to ask something else]

I do have another question. Are you happy?

Comments

[5thchild]

Are you lonely?

[key_illusion]

Possibly. [He has no clue if it's more than just the memories he holds. It's very possible though, and he wouldn't be surprised.]

[5thchild]

Don't you think there is a way to fade the pain you feel due to this loneliness?

[key_illusion]

The pain will always be there. That's how I'm supposed to be.

[5thchild]

Life is painful, but it's not pain. You can't erase the pain completely, but you can fade and forget it.

And life is what you decide you want it to be. It's your truth.

[key_illusion]

No, you're wrong. The memories I have to keep won't fade. They're the source.

I have to be the reminder that that pain still exists. That's why I exist. The ending isn't up to me in the end either.

[5thchild]

If that's what you believe, that's what it will be. No one can change it but yourself.


Is it up to whom?

[key_illusion]

I can't change what the basis of my nature is. Just like I highly doubt you can stop being so curious. [And yet he's still responding.]

The one who seeks the truth. He'll eventually come to understand his hurt, and I'll disappear. I can't change that.

[5thchild]

Are you afraid that you will disappear?

[key_illusion]

I'll disappear whether I fear it or not.

[5thchild]

But the way you look at it makes all the difference.

[key_illusion]

[There's a long pause just so ??? can think over his answer.]

I accept it. I don't necessarily fear it because it's something that's a part of my existence. As long as the message is passed on, then I don't care.

[5thchild]

Have you learned anything during your existence?

[key_illusion]

Yes, but all my time here will be forgotten once I go back.

What do you gain from learning about other people?

[5thchild]

But not to other people who remain.

Understanding; I wish to understand them.

[key_illusion]

Most of the people who know me have to return at some point.

Are you trying to help them understand themselves as well?

[5thchild]

Do you remember why we are here? Our influence in this world. Your influence will remain. There will be a part of you that will stay.

I would rather if they did that for themselves. They are capable of it.

[key_illusion]

It's a nice thought. [However, at this point in time, he can't care much for it.] Influence here isn't what I'm interested in though.

Capable, but that doesn't mean there aren't distractions to get in the way.

[5thchild]

What are you interested in?

There will always be distractions, pain, suffering, sadness. But one is still capable of forgetting, fading or overcoming it.

[key_illusion]

The people who matter to me the most. [At least now...]

What if someone doesn't have that ability anymore?

[5thchild]

Why do they matter?

Are you talking about yourself?

[key_illusion]

Because they're familiar.

Possibly.

[5thchild]

How do you feel about them?

"Happy on a sunny day, sad on a rainy day". If that's what you were taught, that's what you will believe. But you can enjoy a rainy day. And you can dislike sunny days. Your truth changes according to your position; that's how fragile truth is.

[key_illusion]

I'd do anything for them. [In a very literal sense too.]

I never had the chance to change before. I'm still not sure if I can change drastically against how I was supposed to function.

[5thchild]

So you love them. being with them doesn't make you happy?

I understand. Do you wish to change, though?