asgardeventide | First Bewitching ☾ Video;

[Oh my~ That would be a pair of long legs being shown on the feed first there, Asgard! Which quickly pans out to show this beautiful witch lying on her side in a chair. She's in her room, and she's looking hella amused at all the complaining and whining going on.

Obviously, being dragged places doesn't bother her at all. She's been into Paradiso, space, and all around the world- why should this be any different?]

So, "Travellers~" I wonder how many of you there are here.

[Bayonetta lifts one leg to cross it over the other, pushing up her glasses and giving a wry grin.]

As far as I can tell, some of you poor things haven't ever heard or seen a microwave or a television [Here's looking at you, Boromir], so I'm curious to see where everyone comes from.

Let's start with me, shall we, darlings~? You may call me Bayonetta. I'm a witch, and before you ask- I don't own a broomstick, a cauldron, or a black cat, though I always have found the latter adorable.

[A pause as she waits for responses, placing one hand under her chin in intrigue.]

Come on, then. Do be a dear and answer my question~ It's rather harmless, after all.

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[A wry grin and a cocked eyebrow at that.]

It's a name I came up with, darling. I prefer it much more than my other one.

Okay, seriously. Bayonetta? Did you just look up something in a dictionary and then add an a? I mean, what name is more embarassing?

[Sorry, he's gonna need some explanation here. Seriously. Bayonetta?]

It's much more memorable than most names these days.

[A pause as she shifts.]

But a name is just a name, isn't it? What matters is what you yourself can do~ That's when it means something.

[Another pause.]

I'm just gonna call you Witch.

[Here, have a third pause. Good things come in threes.]

So what can you do? I mean, shit, I was just busy on top of the world in Steelport, then I wake up and I'm apparently in freaky-ass Godland without any of my Saints. Might as well get to know people here.

Witch it is, though I have a feeling you'll get used to my name sooner or later.

Oh, darling, what can I do? Quite a lot, though it appears I've been raided of most of my powers here. But I'm sure these girls-

[And here she indicates the guns on her feet and lying by her legs, Scarborough Fair]

--are more than willing to still play a few games.

You have guns on your feet.

[Flatly.] What, are you one of those... Wiccan contortionist things?

[This may be a thing that the Boss just made up. It sounds plausible in his head.]

[Brb, laughing.]

I don't think those exist, dear. And even if I was, why would a Wiccan use a gun?

Fuck, I dunno. Maybe this place has some sort of weird Wiccan gang. Seems like every time I show up to a city there's a bunch of gangs already set up, and I have to find some people to help me bring the Saints back.

[This is possibly a little meta.

The Boss gives no fucks.]

Well, that sounds somewhat familiar. I have angels, you have gangs. Though the angels never really learn their lesson.

Angels.

[He does not seem to believe this.]

That's right, darling. At least we know your hearing works.

[Trollololololol~]

[... unimpressed.]

So you're some sort of weird gun-wielding witch who shoots angels. Which probably means something other than literal angels.

Holy shit, I am probably high off my ass right now. Remind me never to take anything Shaundi suggests again.

Precisely~ Well, the angels are still angels, darling. Just not the kind you're used to.

[A snerk at that.]

I'm sure it's not the first. And if you are, I'd highly recommend a cold shower and some black coffee for that lovely hangover you're going to have in the morning. It's not just for alcohol, dear.

[Look at your life, Boss. Look at your choices.]

God damn this shit is fucked up. I'm talking to a witch with huge tits and guns after leaving a party to celebrate owning Steelport. I'm the leader of the Third Street Saints and nobody seems to know what the fuck I'm talking about.

[Beat.]

This sounds like the plot to some sorta ridiculous video game or something.

Who knows? Life is sometimes like that. The important thing is whether you keep playing or not~

Listen, witchtits, I've dealt with crazier shit than this before. All I need to do is figure out what the fuck going on, and then the Saints will roll through Asgard or whatever the fuck this place is called just like we did Stilwater and Steelport.

Oh, I'm sure you have~ Just stay on your toes, as I have a feeling things will be interesting since we're staying here.

Interesting tends to be how it goes anytime the Saints are involved.

[Pause.] Why the fuck do you have guns on your feet again?

I don't expect any less for myself.

[And she chuckles again.] It's more than a fashion statement, I kill angels with them. It's a part of my fighting style.

You shoot guns with your feet.

[This is said in the same tone one might say 'You're a space pirate astronaut cowboy' - disbelief, with a hint of 'Are you stupid'.]

That's right. Don't look so disbelieving, your face might get stuck like that, darling.

[Grinning from ear to ear.]

Prove it.

[The feetguns bit.]

First Bewitching ☾ Video;

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video, which this has been this entire time;

video, LMAO /patpat

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