asgardeventide | [Video]/Action for Hel

[ Today's video post starts with lots of glare; sunlight streams directly into the feed through a window for several second until whoever's got the camera on shifts--apparently pulling their arms down from above so that they're held at an angle where there's just a view of the windowsill and their hands. Normal people hands with black nails and a lovely little midget wolf spider dangling between them. They'll twist upward so they stand parallel with the window, and as the spider taps at his hands to test the waters Kaz will start speaking like he's talking to someone off-screen. ]

Okay, so...I guess the first thing is glad t'see you're eatin' right. I mean you started off super-puny so I figured you'd be dead by but seriously, look at you. Totally fattening up there. Good work~ When it gets warmer I'll sneak some of the good stuff in for you. My treat.

I'd tell you not to pay me back but s'not like you've got anything I want. Your place is pretty empty...the other idiot that lives here can't decorate for shit. [ And while he carries on the little wolf spider will drop to his thumbs and start crawling around there, scoping out the large "O" he's made with his fingers to spin a web ]

So, rule number one. Always keep your legs up--right, yeah, like that. Up up so she thinks you're bigger than you actually are. That's the most important thing since as soon as she's on top of you that is basically it: no escape. Don't waste time trying to overpower her because you're obviously not gonna be able to do that. Just go in with your teeth and bite her as much as you can...wait no--first you gotta get up on her back make sure you're on top and then bite her.

When you stick 'em in go right for where she's soft. That's your best bet to give her as much as you've got. If you're lucky it'll be quick and you can get the fuck away before she figures it out.

[ CONGRATULATIONS ASGARD YOU NOW KNOW HOW TO FIGHT A SPIDER. That's what he just described....ye...p.......

GIVIN' ADVICE TO ALL THE ARACHNIDS. ]

You got all that Qhhth'ssqhk? This is important shit. [ YES HE ALSO NAMED THE SPIDER SHUT UP. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Fine, fine~ I'm actually kind of curious now--spill.

It's okay. I wouldn't wanna bore you or anything.

Just do it, I wanna hear this. What about whatever happened a few days ago??

[He could drag it out further, and he's almost tempted to. But he's decided he'd like to see Kaz' reaction to the news, more. So without much hesitation, he just lets it bluntly drop.]

Euri kissed me.

[ ...Alright, definitely not on his list of things Vanitas could have experienced in the last couple of days. Because...well. It's Vanitas. ]

Bullshit.

[It's also Euri.]

Would I lie about something like that?

[ The odds are not favourable for it being a lie since Vanitas is basically a rainbow in his head. So. ]

Was she drunk?

If she was, she's awfully coordinated. We were sparring.

...Wait, so did she pin you or something???

No. [Kinda.]

At first I thought she was using it to one-up me. A distraction... but she didn't act like it afterward.

...Trust me, Euri's not clever enough to do something like that in a fight. She can't fight dirty to save her life. [ Ugh euri he TOLD you vanitas was gay why didn't you listennnn ]

[He is not gay dammit. He's nothing! Nothing.

But Kaz's reaction is much more muted than he'd anticipated, which makes him cock his head slightly.]

You don't seem too surprised by this.

What, did you expect me to be upset??? I don't care who she kisses--better you than me. And also she sort of asked what you were into, so...

... [He is not gonna dwell on that. In fact, he's gonna try his hardest to forget he even heard it.]

And what'd you say?

That she was wasting her time 'cuz you're not interested in girls, obviously. [ :D gaaaayyyyyyy ]

I'm not interested in anyone.

[But she still tried. Well, he knew she was stubborn... at least it makes a little more sense, now.]

[ "female." You forgot the end of your sentence honey :> ]

What about the kid with the bird-hair?

[Bird hair?]

We're getting off the subject.

[ Ven ;o ]

Fine. Did she stick her tongue in?

[Oh, he knows. He's just not gonna honor that with an actual response.

And at that question, his nose wrinkles slightly.]

Let's just say it wasn't anything I ever wanna go through again, alright?

Taking that as a yes then. How'd you get her off? I haven't seen any bruises or broken bones on her, so...?

With my powers. Wasn't too hard when she realized I wasn't doing anything back.

An' have you spoken to her since then, or...?

[Headshake. It's been mutual avoidance since then, as far as he can tell.]

I'd wondered if she'd said anything about it.

Why would we ever talk about you? [ Besides the gossip they happen to dabble in now and then but that's nothing, really. ]

(no subject)

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