asgardeventide | ❝ sᴇᴠᴇɴᴛʜ, ᴀɴᴏɴʏᴍᴏᴜs ᴛᴇxᴛ ❞

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❝ sᴇᴠᴇɴᴛʜ, ᴀɴᴏɴʏᴍᴏᴜs ᴛᴇxᴛ ❞

[ whether they find the topic interesting or not, people of asgard will find an anonymous text when they check their bracelets; an odd question, but one that she’d actually appreciate answered. while she wasn’t skilled in working technology, ririchiyo had somehow figured out how to keep her identity hidden. however, it’s only a matter of time before she blows her cover depending on the responses she receives. ]

Beside Arrhythmia, what does it mean when you find yourself with an irregular heartbeat in the presence of one person?

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[ In some ways, she was glad she’d been forced out of text. After all, as Ange said, she had made herself pretty obvious near the end. She doesn’t respond straight away as she was thinking on what she could say. Ange was her friend, but she didn’t exactly feel that comfortable telling her her reasons behind why she asked the question. No, she wasn’t at that stage yet. ]

I’m hardly going to take offense out of it. I just felt curious about other peoples’ opinions on this type of thing. [ And yours is as deadpan as ever. ]

[ Yes, Ange really isn't the best person to give advice on this sort of thing, since she's super tsundere.. but it grabbed her attention at first, and now she know it's this girl behind it part of her feels some sort of obligation to help - what is friendship. ]

In that case, let's just say I can pretty much assure you it's love. Unless something really weird is going on.

You aren’t the first person to confirm that. [ And, truth be told, the more people told her, the more she believed them. Of course, she was still in the denial stage as a part of her didn’t wish to come to terms with these feelings. You could say she was conflicted. ] What am I supposed to do though, now that I know the cause of this irregular heartbeat?

I'm going to say it in an overly simplified way, so don't freak out once I do. [ since Ange of all ~~tsunderes~~ people would know this is horrible.. ]

Tell them you like them.

[ That answer alone was enough to get her blushing as much as she was. As easy as she made it sound, it wasn’t like that at all. The age gap between Miketsukami and herself was bad enough, and the fact that she looked like she was 12 was even worse. Unable to response straight away, she opens and closes her mouth like a fish underwater as she tried to think of some excuse on why she couldn’t but, in the end, it was just her being scared to come to terms with facts. She didn’t know if he even returned the same feelings toward her or if they were just respect; rejection didn’t seem like too far off knowing her.

Who could possibly love her in return? She had far too many flaws to count, and there were no redeeming qualities she had which made up for her lack of interesting personality. She was boring and people, sooner if not later, would get tired of her and leave through the back door. She hated herself, and who could love someone who didn’t love themselves? ]

... I can’t do that.

[ She expected as much of the other girl's reaction, really - since she would have said the same in that situation. ]

Do you want to tell me why not? [ but echoed in under it is more something like 'do you trust me enough to tell me why not'. ]

Is it because you think they don't like you? Because you're too scared? Because they are already involved with someone else?

[ It was scary how accurate Ange was with her guesses, so much to the point that she couldn’t stop herself from recoiling back in her shock. It felt like she was going to cry as her nose stung and her throat felt odd; she didn’t want to think about Miketsukami in a relationship with someone else, and the thought brought back a memory for her; one where he kissed that woman to reject her. Without thinking, she grabs her chest and squeezes it as her heartbeat resounds through her ears.

She was scared, more scared than she’d like to vocally admit out loud. If she started to enjoy herself, she’d only be repeating the past -- getting hurt over and over again. The idea of Miketsukami not liking her in return was a very definite chance, especially since not all confessions came out peachy. How Ange managed to see through her facade was a mystery to her. Had she became redundant? Predictable? If so, she had to fix that. But this type of thing was out in the open, and only Ange knew it was her behind the anonymous text. ]

It’s not as easy as saying “I like you!” He... He hasn’t shown any interest in me, and wouldn’t it be weird for me to tell him something like that out of the blue? O-Of course I’m scared, but more than anything I’m... I’m terrified.

[ This is a very dangerous territory to step in - and she needs to be careful. After all, this is probably the most fragile she has seen the other girl, and that's why she wants to make sure she doesn't immediately ruin that trust by stomping all over her feelings. Well, not that she'd want to do that either way, Ange is more considerate than that despite the way she might seem at first.

But even so, this isn't a very easy subject for her either.. but she should at least try to help, right? It's only the right thing to do. ]

I'm sure anyone would be terrified. But.. it's all about this chance, isn't it? I'm sure this is about someone in this place, and in that case, there's always the looming threat of them being sent away. [ That's a pain Ange understands more than anything after losing Amakusa here. ] If they're sent away and you're still here.. will you truly be able to live with the regret of never having told them?

It'll eat away at you. [ more out of experience. ]

[ The mere thought of Miketsukami being sent away was something that deeply upset her. So what if she’d got on fine before he arrived? It didn’t change the fact that she missed him, a lot more than she expressed out loud and to his face. True that most the time she thought of him as annoying and overzealous, but by the end of the day it was what molded him into who he was. She was aware that there would always be a chance that the Gods could tire of him and take him away from her, and the thought always played at her mind when she was restless. In fact, some nights she had nightmares of such a thing happening; after all, other people here lost those closest to them. Ange, for example, had Amakusa taken away from her. While she wasn’t really certain of the extend of her relationship with the guy, she knew that what Ange was telling her was almost like she was projecting her own thoughts and regrets onto her.

Did Ange want her to succeed in something she couldn’t find the courage to? Not wishing to think to much of it, she pushes the thought at the very back of her mind. When she spoke the words ‘it will eat away at you’, Ririchiyo had to force herself not to tell her how it already was. She didn’t know how long Miketsukami would remain in Asgard, and she certainly didn’t know if someone else would steal him away from her. Even if something like that did end up happening, she wouldn’t wish to put up a fight. After all, it’s no use crying over spilt milk right? Or, at least, that’s how the expression went. At most, she would feel glad that he found someone who had the courage that she couldn’t muster -- someone he could lean against when he had none himself.

However, somewhere inside her, she wanted to be that courage that helped him grow. If that wish of hers could be granted, she would be happy. ]

I can’t tell them because- [ She was always making up excuses, she knew that. It was something she did without thinking, as anyone else does. ] I can’t bear the thought of losing him, but what if my confession changes everything? We finally found a common ground, and it’s almost like how it was back there but... If I tell him I like him, what would that do to us? I’m scared.. I’m scared because I’m not strong enough to take that risk.

Even if it eats away at me, even if I regret my decision, isn’t that better than ruining a good thing?

[ ... 'Back there'..? She means back home, back in her world? It does narrow down the possibilities of guys she's crushing on considerably, but it's not much more than a side thought for now. ]

That's nothing more than your own decision, right? You can go, constantly keeping all of it to yourself, yet feeling it hurt you and eat away at you constantly.. or you can take the risk and have the result being you being either better or worse off. If you don't do anything, nothing will change.

All it takes is [ - just like that night on the skyscraper - ] the courage to take a single step.

But I can't give you that. Nobody can. The only one who can.. that's you.

[ Ange was right. She was right, and with every word she realized that more and more. She couldn’t keep these feelings hidden inside forever, and if she went down that road it just meant that she’d wake up every day with the same regrets, over and over again. At the same time, the thought of telling Miketsukami how she felt toward him was enough to make her want to cry; not that she would, but she could feel her throat swell up as she tried to get her next words out.

Nobody could give her the courage she needed... no one except herself. And yet, she wanted to be his courage. Wasn’t it funny how the person with the least courage wanted to be someone elses? She wanted her words to give him strength because, deep down, she knew how Miketsukami felt about himself. She always had a vauge idea as he had his moments where his eyes would turn cold and he always refrained from talking about himself. When she thought about it, the answer was clear as day.

... Miketsukami hated himself. ]

I’m not sure if I want things to change. I want to know him better but I haven’t, not even once, pictured us as a couple. I said it earlier, didn’t I? I just want to repay him.

If you don't want them to change, then don't do anything. It's as simple as that. [ and it's rather harsh and crude to put it that way, but Ange can be blunt when she needs to - and it's needed to get the message through to the other girl, she can understand that much. ]

Like I said, in the end it's all up to you. The decision to do something or not do anything, it's in your hands.

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❝ sᴇᴠᴇɴᴛʜ, ᴀɴᴏɴʏᴍᴏᴜs ᴛᴇxᴛ ❞

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