[video] slightly forward-dated to 452, midday

[averagemedium]

[It's immediately clear that Ryan looks and feels like death warmed over. He's exhausted, pale to the point of looking almost ill, disheveled-- and there's none of the usual expressiveness in his weary face, no interest as he looks at the feed. No light in his eyes.

He pushes his hair out of his face, exhales; his tone is just as lackluster as his expression, utterly worn out.]

So. Guess we're hitting that point, yeah? You saw the message yesterday. It's not the only one, and I get the feeling neither of these is going to be the last. It's all starting to roll downhill. Unravel. Fall apart. Pick your overdone metaphor, it means the same damn thing.

[He stops there for a moment, with a brief false start before he shakes his head and continues on.] And what I want to know is- what are we even accomplishing, here? What are we doing-- we get told we're changing destiny, we're going to save the worlds, but you can see what's happening now. Maybe we delayed it but this is what happens when you try to fight what's meant to be, when you try to push at what wants to happen. It pushes back at you. It lets you know you can try all you damn well want, but it's going to have its way in the end. I mean, what-- it was supposed to be this war ending it, wasn't it? That final battle? We changed that. The Big One hasn't really gone down but just look at this, things are ending no matter what we do.

All of this, all of the shit we've done, it's a dam. That's all. It's holding the flood back as well as it can but it's still raining, isn't it? It's not going to stop raining. And eventually it's going to overflow no matter how high we keep building, because we can only do so much and this is bigger and more persistent than any of us are. We're just pulling the bandage off slowly and it's only going to hurt worse for that in the end.

[This time, the pause is longer. Ryan leans back away from the screen, the back of his chair propping him up, and just eyes the feed for a few moments; when he carries on again, there's finally something more to his voice, something hurt and angry and broken that rises while he speaks 'til it's near feverish.]

So what do we do now. Are we going to acknowledge it's not going to work, or are we going to keep at this while worlds shrivel up one by one? Are we going to keep pretending we're doing anything at all until not a single fucking person here has a home to save anymore? And what about us, what about the people who've already lost everything--

[It's there that his breath hitches, catching in his throat, and the anger floods out of him all at once. He almost visibly deflates, exhaling one more shaky breath, his voice small.]

What are we supposed to do now? Tell me that. What do we do now.

Comments

[Offline]

[necrowmantic]

No~thing.

[The voice comes from somewhere behind him, waiting until Ryan had finished his speech before stepping over. Wrapping his arms around his neck from behind, Henry leans over his shoulder in a motion that was more casual than affectionate.]

Every single one of us is going to die~ Us, the gods, every world out there.

[It might be hard to see with his face against his, but he's smiling again. His laughter's sharper, though his manner is otherwise languid.]

Isn't that great?

[averagemedium]

[He leans back into Henry with a murmured, indistinct sound, just sort of letting himself go slack. There haven't been any tears yet, no breakdown-- on some level the shock of what he'd seen hasn't entirely hit him in all its enormity, leaving him feeling oddly hollow instead.]

Don't know if that's great, exactly, but- well. What we think of it isn't going to matter, is it.

[video]

[made_4_ritsuka]

M-maybe if we try harder we can change it. I-I'll try harder and fight if I have to. [She would be more of a burden than help though in any fight.]

We can't give up, what will happen to everyone if we do?

[video]

[averagemedium]

The same thing that's going to happen to them anyway. We might as well just make it painless, instead of letting our worlds just wither up and die one at a time.

[thoughts]

It's half empty.

[ tsk tsk, young man. ]

[averagemedium]

Just half?

[That forced smile is thin, tight.]

Empty's the only way to see it, at this point.

[Video]

[hiddeninfidelity]

Tell me, what did you hope to gain by spewing forth such words to all those who will listen? Do you feel better now that your frustrations have been made public?

[Video]

[averagemedium]

If this is what you call just a frustration, I don't want to know how bad it has to be to become a real problem.

[The attempt to make light of it falls decidedly flat, too humourless to really work.]

But no. No, it's going to take more than venting to feel any better about this.

[secondborn]

We keep fighting. Because some chance, even a small one, is better than none at all.

[He's exhausted, emotionally and physically, but damn if he's going to give up now.]

[averagemedium]

And what good is it going to do? Because I'm not seeing that we're making much progress on this 'saving the worlds' business. Sure, there's more color to the city, that's great-- I'm not even being sarcastic, here-- but we're not fixing anything else.

Just look at this. At us. Half of us are losing degrees of our minds and the other half's dead.

[afrozendance]

[Ninian can't help wincing as she checks the video... She recalls Ryan as a person who has been nothing but kind and polite to through their counted meetings, so seeing him like this is nothing but depressing. And she can't deny it reminds her of what she heard from others more than once in her stay here.]

... I cannot tell you what you should do, I'm afraid. I can only speak for myself, and I suppose would be arrogant to do otherwise. [She purses her lips lightly after saying such words.] But if you ask me... I still want to do something, even if it's just to make the lives of those around us easier.

[averagemedium]

The people here are all I have left.

[Ryan shrugs one shoulder, uncomfortably.]

...so I guess you have a point, there. If this is how it's going to go? Think my time might be best spent getting what I can out of it. Who knows if they'd let me stay even if we do manage some kind of miracle?

[voice]

[allpurposescarf]

We keep fighting. We wouldn't have been here if we weren't meant to try and save things. And maybe we have passed the point at which the flood can be held back, but that doesn't mean we can't still make a difference. It might just be a more Sisyphean task than it usually is.

[voice]

[averagemedium]

Which is a nice sentiment, but keep in mind Sisyphus never accomplished a damn thing. That's exactly what we're doing here, we're trying to pull off something when all we ever do is get set back-- continuing to fight's all well and good, but when it isn't doing anything then why do we waste our time?

[hollowchild]

Survive until we can't anymore, I suppose. Isn't that what we always do? People, I mean.

[averagemedium]

...yeah, we do. It's just harder without anything to go back to, I guess.

[There's a brief pause there, before he starts again.]

Or any idea how well you can survive, here. I don't think it broke my tie to this place, I mean, I wound up back here, but... when people disappear, they go home, right? When the gods lose them? So what happens if they lose you and there's no home?

[text]

[proudofwhatiam]

What is going on in the city, Mr. Farrow?

[text]

[averagemedium]

What isn't going on in the city, is more like it.

[Video]

[comeonthensexy]

What does it matter if we die in the end? Which way it is we go? I'd rather fight for my life, no matter how difficult it is, than just sit down and take it.

We can't know if it's pointless until we've actually lost.

[Video]

[averagemedium]

Fight for it, then, I'm not going to stop you-- but it's a step forward and three back, isn't it? How can they expect us to take their word that no, really, it's going to happen, we can save things, when they don't have a clue what's going wrong half the time either? When we're not making progress?

Sure, we can win fights, or at least push enemies away. We've managed that. But that's clearly not getting us any closer.

voice; private

[ex_galvanist88]

I don't know if this is even possible with the gods, but if it is and assuming it's still around if this war ever finishes, you can come back to my world. There's some people there that can travel realms and maybe they could find...I don't know, a replacement.

[There's a pause, like Whale's trying to find the best way of phrasing this without sounding like a dick.] I know what it's like to not be able to go back to your home and it sucks. But you could have the next best thing, I suppose.

voice; private

[averagemedium]

[That rush of air might be a heavy exhalation, might have been a breathless attempt at a laugh; it's hard to tell.]

That's-- I appreciate it. I really do. As it stands, I've got somewhere in mind, but if my partner loses his world too?... Maybe. I'll keep that in mind, if it's ever an option.

filtered;

[feathery]

here i thought being a fatalistic wet blanket was my job

filtered;

[averagemedium]

It's not fatalistic if we're all actually going to die, is it.

besides, you can't be the wet blanket, you'd smell. Decided you're done being a creamsicle?

[Text Private]

[snugglesjugs]

Considering I already have seen the end of a world once, so I'm not going to sit idly by and just wait for it to happen. No matter if it appears to be futile.

voice

[zen_en_vert]

I agree with everything you're saying, but I don't know what to do next.

voice

[averagemedium]

Nobody does, that's the problem. There is no plan B. Just a vague 'keep fighting', like that actually solves our problems.