004 ♊ video

[iin2ufferable]

[ Today, Sollux comes on with a friend. Not just any friend, but a fuzzy purple bee perched on his finger. Even by alien bee standards, it's pretty big-- a queen bee. He looks actually happy for once. Savor this rare moment. The bee, however, seems agitated, not unlike all the other animals lately... ]

Hey RX, look what I found. I guess you're not guilty of complete bee genocide. I don't know how the shit she survived, maybe she found somewhere warm? Don't know, don't care. This is fucking awesome, and my bees are fucking awesome. Alternia bees: 1. Regular bees: 0.

But, uh, does this mean anything to anyone?

[ He holds up a piece of paper that reads:

`QpD BaS WATQF CsqarS GAVQ T`Q `UqArG GsqQT`arS WFsrS PArSQF

...in careful but still awful handwriting. ]

I even wrote it down twice to make sure it wasn't wrong, fuck if I know where she got it from.

Comments

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[tipsygnostalgia]

Oh great, see I told you they probably were alive somewhere. [Right? She's pretty sure she said that.]

[Peering at the note though:]

Looks like plain old gibberish to me.

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[iin2ufferable]

Pretty sure it's just this one. If there were more they'd be with her. I guess I can't expect you to have any idea how bees work.

[ He shrugs. ]

It looks like gibberish to me too but they usually don't try to do anything without another bee around.

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[tipsygnostalgia]

Yeah, I don't. You're the bee obsessed one not me.

Where'd the note come from exactly? Is it written in troll? It sure as heck ain't English.

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[iin2ufferable]

It came from the bee. Duh.

[ God, isn't that obvious? ]

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[tipsygnostalgia]

Bee's don't write shit they just fly around and buzz as they get on with their honeymaking.

[Duh.]

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[iin2ufferable]

God damn RX, these aren't your stupid lame-ass Earth bees. Look. Do you know what binary is? Bi-nar-y. [ He repeats it slowly, just in case, then holds up the bee. Clearly aforementioned bee is flashing a string of binary at the camera. ] Beenary. She's been doing it since she found me and it's weirding me out.

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[tipsygnostalgia]

Beenary. [Beenary are you for real. Just look at her eyes roll.]

You're the only one that speaks bee around here, what makes you think anyone else is gonna figure it out.

[bestestfurrend]

Oh my paws, that's so awesome!! Are you going to start a hive?

[iin2ufferable]

I don't know if she can lay any eggs or not but if she can... probably.

[bestestfurrend]

That'll be so great! You can build your mainframes and computers again finally! [Give her back the internet, please, Sollux. She beelieves in you!]

[iin2ufferable]

That's kind of the plan. But it'll take a long time. At least half a sweep or more to have really good, solid mainframes. Then wiring them all together and putting actual useful shit on there...

[ For however much Troll 4chan and porn can be called "useful". ]

[bestestfurrend]

[Nepeta will supply all the lolcat pictures. Nevermind that they'll probably all be photos of Pounce...]

At least it's something to work on, right?

[iin2ufferable]

Yeah, I guess. Only slightly less monotonous and pan-numbing than not doing it, I guess. It's got that going for it.

video.

[ffuckoff]

[Peering in closely at the camera...]

Don't you, uh, want one of those beekeeper helmets? Hats? With the little- [She makes vague hand motions over her face, trying to pantomime the veils those hats have. Don't sting yourself, dude.]

video. he's really serious about bees...

[iin2ufferable]

Queens don't sting people and even if they did my bees aren't dicks like that.

video. shes rly srs abt not getting stung to death. together they fight crime.

[ffuckoff]

[O...kay. Just gonna believe the weird little alien guy.] How'd you- did you train them?

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[iin2ufferable]

I don't remember. I just kind of did. It's not like it was a big deal or anything.

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[ffuckoff]

It kind of is. I didn't think you could train bees. I thought that was just dogs and small horses.

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[iin2ufferable]

Not lame Earth bees. Alternia bees are the shit, though. Once the swarm grows, they'll build mainframes for me and I can start networking with them.

[ Not for a long, long, long time though... ]

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[alternia_strength]

What fresh idiocy are you prattling about? It's gibberish and garbage, Sollux. Do not tell me you've been into the fizzy drinks again.

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[iin2ufferable]

Did you hit yourself in the head? Because that's the only reason I can think of to ask such a pan-rotting stupid question.

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[alternia_strength]

It was an easy explanation for why you are asking about inane gibberish over open channels of communication. Where, exactly did you find this foolishness, Sollux?

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[iin2ufferable]

I just said the bee brought it back, get the towel lint out of your ears and listen for like, two seconds.

Re: Video

[alternia_strength]

[But, Sollux, that requires actually paying attention to you in detail. The problem with that is written all over his blase, growling face.]

Hmmm. [Sollux can hear his previous message playing again and the troll was trying to parse through it.] I think where it got it from is as important as what it says.

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[iin2ufferable]

[ It's hard, he knows, but it's kind of his thing to have double standards. Double. ]

That's why I'm asking. It's a bee, they don't just make shit up.