asgardeventide | 009 || voice

[Is he going to mention anything that happened during the power failures? Definitely not. Not when he could distract himself with something else. Anything else. And his voice now is as cheerful as it's ever been.]

Hey-o, Asgard! Super quick poll time. How many people here would skin me alive if given the chance?

[No reason. Actually, several reasons, but. He follows it with a laugh.]

Not that I'm volunteering... yet. But hypothetically. No consequences, no turnabout, just a good, straightforward flaying of Henrys!

...Or anyone, for that matter. If you could slaughter absolutely anyone here with absolutely no backlash, would you go for it? I mean, it's not like anything you do is gonna follow you back home, so you might as well go wild with it! Doesn't even have to be for any reason, though you can imagine one if you'd like. Maybe you're just curious as to how it feels! --It feels great, by the way.

I've asked before whether anyone had murdering experience, and was kinda surprised at the answer- but I'm wondering if that's changed at all for anyone, just from being here. A lot of folk haven't been in a war before, and I see a lot of people asking or offering lessons in fighting. Which is great and all, but how many have experience in killing? It's a totally different field! And it's kinda the one that counts when it comes down to it.

But getting back to the important question here: skinning of Henry, yes or no? I'll even return the favor, if you want, though I'm a little out of practice. But if anyone wants a gory death for any reason, I'm your guy!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I dunno Ellie, that hasn't really changed.

[There's another laugh there, shorter than usual, but just as friendly.]

I've always dreamed of my own gory demise! I could tell you all about the things I've imagined. It's nothing new. Sure, I'd love to do it to other people too, but that's more like practice!

--Ryan'll be okay. I'm not going to hurt him again.

You seriously think it won't hurt him if someone takes you up on this?

[It's too close. Hits too many buttons. Too many memories. She wants to punch him.]

If you die?

He wouldn't ever have to see it.

Or find out! It'll be fine, I don't understand why you're being so weird about it.

I don't give a shit what he wouldn't see. He's not stupid, he'd still know what you were doing, and how do you fucking live with knowing that the person you love is-

Is doing some fucking sick, self-serving, selfish, fucking piss-poor stupid shit like getting themselves killed on purpose?

Not if I got healed up afterward! He wouldn't-

--he already knows how I am. It wouldn't be on purpose this- I'm not trying to die here.

How about, instead of doing that, you man up?

...How?

It's sort of too late for that.

It's not too late. You're alive, and you're together. You care about each other, right?

Then don't throw away any second of it.

I'd be alive after I revived too, it's not like it changes a thing. I know.

[There's a sigh, and a pause. As quiet as his voice is, there's still a smile in it.]

I'm not as good as you, Ellie. Or him. But I'll probably survive. I'm good at doing that.

... i-if you think I'm good-

[She cuts off, goes quiet. It hurts. She doesn't want to fucking thing about it. What it is is selfishness, it's watching him make a mistake she's all too familiar with.]

It's... just that it would hurt him. A lot, okay?

That's why I won't ever tell him.

[This is already closer to having to deal with it than he's been since it happened. He didn't talk about it with Ryan; he wasn't going to. He wasn't going to think about it, or feel anything- so what, if the haphazard death-wish was a little more focused.

It didn't matter.]

You're a nice person, Ellie.

He's not stupid. He'd know.

[She doesn't dignify the rest of it with a reply. She knows she's not a bad person, but that's not what's up for debate right now.]

And if he didn't, somebody would tell him.

["I would tell him" is implied, but she's not sure she would, not enough to threaten him with it. She doesn't want to hurt Ryan either.]

Why would they do that, unless they hated him? And no one could hate him. It'd just be my selfish little problem~

[It's gently lilting at the end, almost turning into a laugh.]

You're making too much of a deal out of it.

How about you ask Ryan how he'd feel about this.

If you give a shit.

I already said I wouldn't hurt him again.

[Her voice gets quiet, but the strength doesn't go out of it. And somewhere, somehow, she knows it's not just for Ryan's sake.]

Then don't.

[Henry almost leaves it there, before taking a gamble, switching the feed to private. He hadn't missed her implication, that she would tell Ryan if he did anything stupid. But he didn't really think she would. Even if a part of him hoped otherwise.

His tone is even more stubbornly friendly though, if very soft. Almost shy.]

I died the same day, Ellie. Why didn't it work?

['Why didn't it fix anything?']

I haven't told him.

... fuck.

[She'd suspected. At the time she hadn't wanted to think about it. There's silence on the line while she thinks about it, torn between wanting to yell at him and wanting to shut this off.]

What was that supposed to prove?

[He wouldn't blame her for it either. He laughs, though.]

Not sure. I don't think I suffered enough. It's kinda hard to when you want it to happen.

So you just want somebody else to punish you because you fucked up. Is that it?

Pretty much! The guy I forced into it was mad at me too, but I think he forgave me eventually. Even said he'd do it again so no one else would have to.

--I don't want to die. But I don't think it's possible to die enough. Weird, huh?

It's called guilt.

[Like he doesn't know. Hell, maybe he doesn't, in his fucked up mind. Henry-logic is a strange logic.]

And yeah, I know. I know the feeling.

Oh.

[He didn't really know. Not when it came to guilt like this, anyway. He'd never regretted hurting or killing anyone before. It was uncomfortable, and he didn't know what to do with it- made even worse by not wanting to think about it in words, along with being used to solving any and all problems with violence.]

What do you do about it?

... you live with it.

[Her guilt is not the same as his, but she knows all about the feelings involved.]

You make your life mean something. You do something worthwhile, and...

[And.]

I don't know.

You sure do expect a lot, huh. I don't know if I can manage half of that.

You won't tell him, will you?

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