asgardeventide

[There are rather dark circles under this Doctor's eyes, but he carries on as if he's not exhausted. As always, he's leaning forward. At attention.]

First, I want to say that I'm quite proud of the efforts in Alfheim. You really pulled together as teams. Not only did you have excellent leadership, but everyone kept their heads. Pat yourselves on the back if you didn't blister it.

Second: I'm going to talk a bit about love and loss. Hot topics these days, seems like.

It hurts, and you know that. Someone who made you feel you could be anything, someone you've been through hell and high water with, someone you couldn't imagine being without...they're gone. Forever, I suppose, with the whole business of memory erasure. Even if you find 'em again, they won't remember anything you've been through here. And if you leave, neither will you. You know, but you can't change a thing about the future.

And it hurts, doesn't it? It all starts to feel pointless. You want to slam the door shut and leave it all behind. Trust me, I've done quite enough of that for several lifetimes.

But when you realise that nothing, absolutely nothing can last forever, you can see it for what it is. For just a while, things shined a little brighter. And as long as you're here, you can carry that with you. Lend a hand to others here and there. And maybe, if you let yourself remember what they were pushing you for, what they believed you could be?

You can be fantastic.

...and in case anyone who knows us hasn't quite figured it out, yes, that means Rose is gone. No, I'm not being stupid about it this time.

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So far as you know. The future can take twists you'll never see coming.

Yeah? That's funny, 'cause mostly I've been getting people nearly busting blood vessels at the idea of me changing the future. Even trying. So what do you know that they don't.

That maybe theirs isn't the opinion you need to listen to, but yours.

Assuming your idea's, y'know. Reasonable. But that'll depend on a lot of things only you know.

Apparently even keeping our memory of this place isn't reasonable, so nothing's gonna change, especially not my mind. I remember where I was when I got here. I'm not going back.

That's a choice too. I'm not saying I don't see it, but...

Maybe this world is the better place.

No, man, not what I meant. I'm not giving up what I am forever 'cause there's some shit in my future. Not gonna happen.

I meant there, back home, I'm not going back. I switched sides, joined the so-called "bad guys." Turns out that wasn't a great move for job security, or life security, but nothing's changing my mind there.

[He nods.]

I see. Sometimes it happens that way.

[He looks a little worried, but he understands where this is coming from. Can't say he hasn't fallen off the wagon himself.]

Yeah. And sometimes you get to live with it happening before it even happens and not be able to stop it.

That's why all this is bullshit. What makes you "fantastic" here leaves, and you go right back to what you were once all this is over.

Yeah.

But the way I see it...it's like dying and reincarnating, if that's what you believe. Just 'cause you'll die someday and you can't take things with you doesn't mean there's no point to life here.

There's still people here and now to meet.

[He heaves out a sigh, pressing a finger to his temple.]

You don't get it. Most of the people you know here are versions of you, not - leaders and enemies and friends you walked out on and teammates who don't know half the shit you do. There's no getting away from it. And they're all coming and going every coupla weeks, so it starts over and over and over until - it's really fucking tiring, alright?

...I'm usually the one doing the coming and going.

But I've got friends too, dear ones---and like Rose, they come and go. But it was no different back home. Our friendships could never last.

That's cheerful. What happened to everything being fantastic?

[The truth is, Nine's finally hit home. Friendships that could never last - this place gave him Bobby back, and hasn't seen fit to take him away yet, but there are still people like Mystique who he'll never know in the way he has here. And she won't last either, in many ways, even back home.]

Well, it is. If you can take a step in and see it all moment to moment. Everything ends, so why not enjoy things while they last?

[He snorts quietly, almost a laugh.]

It's like you can't decide if you're depressed or doing motivational speaking.

[Then he holds up a hand to silence whatever might come next.]

I get it, I get it. It just usually comes wrapped up in more bullshit.

[sigh]

...something like that.

It's up to me though, right? If I stay pissed off or find reason to be happy. I've heard that enough.

And I haven't torn up any houses this time, so apparently we're both on the road back from stupid either way.

[He arches his eyebrows, as if to say 'and that's that.']

I still think 'fantastic's a stretch, but I'll keep it in mind.

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