text & voice

[doggedly]

q w e r t y u i o p
a s d f g h j k l
z x c v b n m

>:)

[All right, yes, voice, now (but first he laughs, because brilliant--no matter what the hell he knows about the future, about what's here and the possibility of what could happen here; about who is here and what that, exactly, could mean--well, it's not like Sirius can't be serious. But he's had time to ingest it all, so now there's this--):]

Yeah. Is it muggles or gods that invented little bracelets that you can write with? Because it's genius. Huge time-saver. Top marks to the man who came up with this, this is a bit of technology I can get behind. It's these, micro-waves, and turntables.

All right, but I'm going to briefly add to the questions that have been endlessly asked. I'm Sirius Black, and I want to know: is the main form of entertainment around here seriously to conduct surveys?

Because you lot are badly in need of amusement, if that's what you consider to be fun. Or are these bracelets just more of a notice board than anything else? It's all about cooking and job offers and survey questions, it's half lonely hearts adverts and half wanted ads and half girl's magazine.

Since we aren't doing any fighting and your little earthquake seems mostly settled--I've got something of a counter-offer to cure your boredom, Asgard: a scavenger hunt. I've a list of things, and whoever gets me the most of these things, I will give him a reward. Or her, I s'ppose, should a girl be clever enough. [ps, this is not a shopping list.] Quills ready, 'cos here goes: six large fireworks, one package of small fireworks, a birthday card, one of those thingers on the stick that you whirl around and around and it makes a noise like a really loud zip--er, right, an inkwell with ink in it, please--fourteen eggs, a box of matches, and a book.

Any book.

All right, that's all! Prizes will be distributed to the one who comes out on top, but I'm not telling you what the prize is, you'll have to earn it to find out. Entertain yourselves! [And Sirius, but that goes without saying.] Ready, set--go to!

[And he's nearly done, but oh, hang on, one last thing--] Also, forgot to mention, James Potter is forbidden from playing. Not allowed. Anyone sees him collecting objects and reports him gets an extra prize. Sit this one out, Prongsie, that's an order. All right, now go to.

Comments

[theshabbiestofmen]

And what, Sirius, will it explode into.

[doggedly]

Smells...

[theshabbiestofmen]

Sirius . . .

[doggedly]

Well, I've got to do something to amuse myself! You can't exactly blame me.

[theshabbiestofmen]

You're setting off what amounts to a dungbomb! Yes I can! You are twenty, not eleven!

[doggedly]

Twenty, and bored! Aren't you at least impressed at my cleverness? And you've not even asked my target yet--really, Moony, let's remember, we are Marauders. Even at twenty, we are Marauders, and we have certain duties.

[theshabbiestofmen]

You're going to make Snape smell of rotten eggs, aren't you.

[doggedly]

You really are clever. Shall I give you a prize?

[theshabbiestofmen]

Sirius, don't, that's not going to help anything--

[doggedly]

No prize, then?

[theshabbiestofmen]

Sirius, he hates us enough already, don't make it worse!

[doggedly]

Oh, like he's ever going to feel anything that isn't hate, for us. We might as well go the full distance--and it gives us something to laugh about.

Honestly, Moony, you aren't actually defending the prick, are you?

[theshabbiestofmen]

I'm just saying there's no reason to make things worse. There are far better uses of your time that aren't cruel-- come on, Sirius, please.

[doggedly]

It's a prank, Remus, it's hardly cruel. Though really he deserves a little worse, doesn't he.

[He raises his eyebrows at Remus a little, waiting for something like agreement.]

Oh, come on. You're not still on about feeling sorry for him.

[theshabbiestofmen]

And what if I am? He doesn't-- well. Perhaps he deserves it, but that doesn't mean we ought to do it. There's more important things to worry about.

[doggedly]

[But Sirius points, triumphantly, at Remus.]

You just said it. You just said it, he deserves it--see, you think so too! He's a twat, Remus!

[theshabbiestofmen]

Of course he's-- but that doesn't mean you go and bully him!

[doggedly]

He's a grown man, Remus, I can't bully a grown man. Harass, maybe. But bully? He's outgrown bullying, I'm sure.

Oh, hang on. He hasn't, 'cos he's been doing his bit to make your life hard, hasn't he.

[theshabbiestofmen]

If this is to defend me, Sirius, I've no interest in it.

[doggedly]

Well, no, of course it isn't, because it's really about him, honestly.

[theshabbiestofmen]

Sirius, please don't, I just-- I really don't want to do anything else that has to do with him. Let's just live and let live.

[doggedly]

[He snorts, unamused.]

And you really expect me to agree to that? Because even if I did--and that's incredibly doubtful--you'd still have to get the same promise out of him. Not bloody likely.

[theshabbiestofmen]

I'll keep him away from you if I have to! I've already--

[OH SHIT NO he realizes about two words too late that he ought to shut up.]

Maybe if we leave him alone, he'll actually do the same for us. It might work--

[doggedly]

[But like hell Sirius is going to miss a comment like that. He stares at him--and then his eyes narrow.]

What?

[theshabbiestofmen]

He--

[Remus stares at the ground.]

He-- we were talking, in person, and he started going off about you, and I-- sort of lost my temper.