asgardeventide | eleventh arrow fired. ➵ voice ➵ hold your own, know your name, and go your own way

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katniss everdeen

eleventh arrow fired. ➵ voice ➵ hold your own, know your name, and go your own way

[ Katniss addresses the network at large because she is presently locked in her bedroom, alone, with no intention of letting anyone in with the exception of maybe Peeta, if she decides she needs him. As she suspects she may, soon. He doesn't remember what she remembers... He didn't before... And he certainly won't now. Her voice is deadpan, mostly. Rough around the edges, but largely emotional. ]

The gods saw fit to show me more. While I was sleeping, it seems I dreamed a lifetime's worth.

PRIVATE TO FINNICK ODAIR;

I remember now. All of it. [ Then, after a long pause. ] You deserved so much better.

END PRIVATE;

PRIVATE TO PEETA MELLARK;

When are you coming home?

END PRIVATE;

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I could come now, if that's what you want.

[Because there's something in her voice that makes Peeta incapable of giving any other answer.]

Please.

[ She's thankful that he's willing. ]

I'll be there soon, okay?

[And during that time he can only wonder what the gods have shown her, why they had to show her anything at all when so much of it couldn't have been good. For Peeta, it feels like a lifetime before he's finally reached her bedroom door.]

Katniss?

Alright.

[ And then he's there, and Peeta's voice is like a key being turned. She immediately grasps the doorknob and pulls it open, not hesitating to step out and throw her arms around his neck. She doesn't hug him with desperation, not really, so much as a different kind of need than that. One he's not used to from her, with his memories being what they are. ]

Peeta..

[ And then, because she doesn't know what else to do or how else to process, she kisses him. Real or not real, he asked. She told him real. Would it be different without him being hijacked here? ]

Edited 2013-12-04 03:11 (UTC)

[Katniss finds his arms, and they wrap around her like that's what they were made for. But there's something different about it, about her too. And yet the kiss is the most unexpected thing of all. There's no cameras, no danger that he knows of.

Peeta's hardly going to protest it though, or be the first to pull away. He opens his eyes when it does break, searching her face for some clue.]

Just exactly what did the gods show you?

[Maybe he wants to see it after all.]

[ She goes from kissing him to immediately burying her face into the crook of his neck. When she speaks, it's low and muffled against him. She takes in the scent of him, the familiar smells of bread and boy and that glimmer of hope... And she finds solace there. ]

Everything, Peeta. I know everything. Things you don't remember because of the way this place messes with time and memories... Things you don't want to know. Things I'm not sure I want you to know.

I can take it.

[Peeta turns his face towards hers, cheek against her temple.]

You don't have to protect me, you don't have to shoulder this all on your own. You can tell me anything.

You don't understand, Peeta -- it's... Everything. Everything. So much has happened since the Quell. Too much. And you shouldn't have to hear it. Just -- [ She hugs against him, tighter. ] -- Stay with me.

[Help me understand. The words are on the tip of his tongue. But forcing her to relive whatever this pain is when it's still so raw...Peeta doesn't want to put her through that.

He squeezes her, a reminder that he's solid and real.]

Of course I'll stay, Katniss. I'm not going anywhere, no matter what.

[ In the quietest, most raw, almost desperate tone, she murmurs against his shoulder as she holds onto him. ]

Prim is dead, Peeta.

What.

[It escapes him in an exhale. His lungs try to lock up, making it harder to breathe.]

Are you sure it's not...that it wasn't just a nightmare?

[But she's awake now, and he's there for her, and her pain is like a palpable thing, still bleeding out instead of starting to fade.]

Katniss, I'm so sorry. Oh my god.

[He strokes her hair, all the while hating that he can't do more.]

No... No, I know nightmares... It was real. So, so real...

[ Peeta is an anchor now, one that no one else can be for her. He reminds her that there is life to be had even after destruction. ]

Gale's bombs... In the Capitol. We -- we won, Peeta. But.. [ Katniss draws a deep breath as she feels herself start to break. ] The entire reason I went -- to the games in the first place... Was for her. To protect her.

[We won. Nothing feels like much of a win to him when Katniss is crying.]

What was she even doing there? Why was she in the Capitol?

Of course... You don't remember all of that. [ Goodness, why must this city, for all its wonder and beauty and peace and freedom, make things so complicated? ]

There's a war, Peeta. And Prim so wanted to help... She's really grown up. She's a healer, just like my mother. She has - had - a natural talent for it. She was just rushing in to help tend to the wounded.

She was a hero.

[It's whispered more to himself than anyone, doubting that it's much of a comfort to her when she'd rather have a living little sister than a dead hero.

He takes a deep breath and holds her closer.]

I wish I could do something. Anything.

She really was. More a hero than any of us. [ Katniss clings tighter and tighter to him, pressing into him, taking in the smell of him for comfort. ] Just be here. Stay with me.

For as long as you need me.

[Or just want him. Peeta knows it would be foolish to make any promises beyond that, and yet he still makes them in his head.]

[ Katniss considers saying 'always', but the way she hugs against him, gives him a squeeze, is probably more than enough to indicate the same. ] Thank you...

Oh.

[He smiles at her, though the smile is kinda hesitant.]

Hey, don't worry. At least I made a difference, right?

You did.

[ she sighs. ]

I'll take care of them. Whenever we're -- when we go home from this place.

[He smiles at her. He has no doubt that eventually she'll keep her word. She always seems to anyway.]

If you want to ask me questions, you are welcome to if you think it'll help. I want to make sure you are okay.

I don't think there's much left to ask. I remember everything. The war is over. Snow and Coin are both dead. And -- and so is Prim.

Prim? She's dead?

[He pales slightly.]

I'm sorry Katniss, I had no idea.

She died in the Capitol. She was rushing in to help.... I think. It all happened so fast. [ Katniss swallows. ]

I just need some time. It -- I can't really think about it right now.

Well then lets not think about it. Let's go out and do something.

Later... I need to talk to Peeta first.

Oh, Katniss.

[She doesn't know what Katniss remembered before, but Annie thinks she can hazard a pretty accurate guess as to what the gods have shown her now.]

If you need anything, or... well. You know where to find me.

Thank you, Annie.

[ Annie is probably hazarding all the right guesses. ]

I may take you up on that at some point. For now... I'm waiting for Peeta to come home.

It's the least I can do. Just... whenever. But that sounds like the best thing for now, being with him.

How much do you remember, Annie? Everything?

More than I'd ever want to. It's been almost a year for me, since -- since the war. [A pause, and after what sound like several abruptly stopped attempts to speak, a very hesitant, quiet question.] How far did they take you? Your new memories?

The end of the war. I'm -- back in district twelve. Putting pieces back together. Trying to. Peeta helps. We're -- I think things will be okay. With both of us.

The two of you, you're stronger together. You're going to get through it fine.

[But she has a thought, and switches the feed to private]

He doesn't know yet, does he. Peeta, here, have you told him?

I'm sure... One day, we'll be better.

[ She draws a breath. ]

No. I don't know if I should. Not everything, anyway.

[The God's saw fit to leave Gale without that final memory, last he remembers concrete is them being in the Capitol. He may not be her favorite face but he has made a promise in himself not to walk away, to try and not to shut down.]

You okay?

[Because this means she saw Finnick die most likely and that he can remember that is single worst part of what is coming for her in their future.]

[ After everything the other day, and now after all she knows and remembers, Gale is just about the last person she expects - or wants - to talk to. But it is different in Asgard than it is in Panem. And he doesn't know what his work has cost them. ]

I'm adjusting.

[It is different here, that is why he is not shutting down, walking away, it is why he is here reaching out. Hurting her, it is never something he wanted.]

....Don't shut me out, not now Catnip.

[Say it, he even tells himself to say it, just tell her that he needs her.]

[ How is it that she can even consider talking to him about the things she's seen? About the deaths she's witnessed? About how one of them, the most pivotal, was his doing - albeit indirectly. How can she tell him they aren't even close to each other at all, let alone in the ways they almost got to have here, in Asgard? How can she do anything but shut him out? She goes silent for a long time as she tries to get a grip on herself, but it's so much, all at once, and she has to really fight not to break. ]

You -- can't... [ If she doesn't get the thought out... What will he think? ]

You can't know.

[he feels like someone has stabbed him in the chest. They had come so far, far enough that he thought there was a chance, a chance for them to be close again.

But...

If she is going to shut him out again.]

I see....

Gale.

[ She swallows, hard, and gathers all her strength to speak. ]

Understand... That I'm just trying to protect you.

[ From all the guilt she knows he'll feel. ]

[he doesn't mean for the edge in his tone, he has been trying so hard lately to change, to open up more.]

I don't need to be protected but I won't force you to tell me.

... Trust me on this, Gale. You don't want to know.

[It is there, that need to just explode, didn't he do the protecting? He could take care of himself, he was not weak.....

His voice is tight but somehow he keeps himself in check, he is trying.]

I'll trust you.

[ Ah, but she knows he's not weak. She knows he is strong. And she wants him to remain strong. Learning that Prim is gone will hurt him almost as much as it hurt her. ]

Someday, Gale. Someday, maybe I'll explain everything.

I'll wait till then.

[That was hard to say but he would try, he would really try.]

Thank you.

[ She'll let him go, for now. There's silence for a few moments before she decides it's better to just... end the feed. ]

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eleventh arrow fired. ➵ voice ➵ hold your own, know your name, and go your own way

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