uno | audio

[tumbler]

[The sound of a busy city square comes through first, with a bustling crowd muffled in the background. If you listen closely, you can hear someone... singing?]

[And he told our poor minstrel to leave or be hit, / before climbing a wall, the rude little-- oof-]

[That over with, a new voice, far less muffled and with an entirely different accent comes on the line:] Ah, if you fine citizens would indulge me so, I do wonder: what do you know of elves?

Comments

[tonsofpun]

Shit, you don't look that old. You could be my big brother, practically.

[tumbler]

[Zevran approves +2] Oh, you think so? Well, I certainly will not argue against you. Does this flatterer have a name, I wonder?

[tonsofpun]

[She has to snicker.]

Ellie. What's yours?

[tumbler]

Zevran Arainai! [Said as floridly as possible, rolled 'R' and all.] Zev to my friends.

[tonsofpun]

Arrrrainai.

You a pirate?

[tumbler]

Sometimes! [Cough.] When the mood strikes. And I know a fair deal of them. Excellent dancers, all, and-... ah, tell me, Ellie, are you from one of those cultures that do not let their children hear of, ah, inappropriateness?

[tonsofpun]

Thaaaat depends on how weird you're about to get, Zev.

[tumbler]

[Said as dramatically as possible:] Pirates, my dear Ellie, drink often.

[tonsofpun]

Drinking isn't that weird.

[Quite common, actually. Common as bathtub moonshine.]

[tumbler]

Ah! Then I need not tread carefully around you, eh? I was good friends with several pirates, back home, and I drank with them often. And their captain. She was an excellent drinker.

[tonsofpun]

Tell me all about it. Drunk swordfights? Swashbuckling?

[tumbler]

Ah, you want to hear about Isabela and her crew, yes? It is a good story! Many swashes were buckled, as you say.

[tonsofpun]

I'm game to hear about pirates. Go ahead.

[tumbler]

Isabela... she was from a place called Rivain. She never told me the whole story, of course, but it is not hard to guess how certain things happen. And it is not uncommon to be sold into slavery, when you live near the coast.

[tonsofpun]

Shit, that's still a thing where you're from?

[tumbler]

It is illegal everywhere but Tevinter. Some pirates practice it also, already breaking the law as they are. And she was sold to a pirate named Luis, though he told everyone she was his wife, you see.

[tonsofpun]

What a dick.

[tumbler]

In a manner of speaking. Luis made deals with a guild, called, ah, what was it... the Antivan Crows, I believe. They were a group of assassins out of Antiva City, my home. Isabela met them through him, and soon after, Luis had a sudden... accident.

A fatal accident.

[tonsofpun]

... yeesh. That's -- one way to get free.

[tumbler]

Yes! And it worked out excellently for everyone involved! The Crows were paid, and Isabela took control of he ship after her late husband's tragic accident, and became an excellent contact for the assassin who did the, shall we say, deed. Pirates are.excellent sources of information, you see.

[tonsofpun]

So she went from being this guy's slave, to being a pirate queen?

[tumbler]

You have it exactly! And she was a far better captain than Luis ever was-- or so she tells me.

[tonsofpun]

What a badass.

[tumbler]

I think so! One of my favorite drinking companions by far, Isabela.

[tonsofpun]

What's she look like? Peg leg, eyepatch?