seventh bite | anon text / action | backdated day 323

[redhourglass]

[ most of the time, natasha could keep her guilt to a bare minimum. she could tell herself, "i didn't know" or "i was a pawn," and maybe that would get her through the day. maybe she could say that her life was worth it because she was atoning for her debts through her work with SHIELD, saving lives one life at a time. her ledger might be dripping red, but there would be enough time; with her expanded lifespan, she would have the rest of whatever time she had left to pay back those she'd hurt.

today, however, it was unbearable. she'd heard rumors about the apple trees around the city and never one to trust the word of others, she'd thought to try it herself. it had only taken a bite before the apple had dropped out of her hand and she'd fled, into the shadows of an alley, up a roof, and somewhere safe.

somewhere dark. somewhere high.

that was earlier. it's now evening and she's sitting at a bar, swirling a liquid in her drink that smells to high heaven and certainly does not look like water. to those that know her, she's looking more morose than usual, hard lines in her face softened to something that resembles grief. ]

if you did something so horrible that you hurt many people, but you spent the rest of your life paying for it,
how long would you have to pay before it was undone?

[ anonymous red text makes an appearance on the network. natasha swirls her glass. the world is quiet. ]

ooc: my late contribution to the Fruits of Our Labor Event! feel free to respond to natasha in person (action) or on the network!

Comments

[redhourglass]

death would matter here, to a normal person. in your case, you're already insane.

in mine...

i've been too many people to lose who i am now.

[ex_outofcontrol435]

You write people off as quick as you write off lives, too. I'm still not seeing where you give a shit about anything, honestly.

[redhourglass]

maybe that's your mistake.

i take lives for a living. it's what i do. it's what i'm good at. lately, i've been in the business of saving them.

[ex_outofcontrol435]

An assassin. No problem with playing to your strengths, but it doesn't leave room for regret.

Let me guess: you got in with too many good guys, and now they're rubbing off on you.

[Because he kind of knows that story around here, damnit.]

[redhourglass]

that's a pretty story. but it doesn't fit with the real world; nothing is ever that simple.

[ex_outofcontrol435]

Doesn't it? You don't think the company you keep can change you?

I've seen proof. Pretty sure I've BEEN proof. You say you can't lose who you are, but do you even know who that is?

[redhourglass]

that's not what i mean.

you are very quick to jump to conclusions.

[ex_outofcontrol435]

We make a good team then. For the record, I'm not nuts. So you can drop that conclusion right now.

[redhourglass]

and i know who i am.

maybe for the first time in my life. literally.

[ex_outofcontrol435]

You just don't like it.

[redhourglass]

i wouldn't say that.

i'd like to make good for things i've done.

[ex_outofcontrol435]

You did your job.

[This is starting to eat at him, though. This whole line of conversation. He didn't think she was sincere when he responded.]

Well, if you figure out a way to make up for something you haven't even done yet, I'll be waiting for a red text.

private;

[redhourglass]

[ sometimes she can do that. be sincere. ]

my job involved killing people for the good of my country. so i thought. i was wrong.


sure.

private;

[ex_outofcontrol435]

Yeah, so you got fooled. Only yours left a blood trail. I know people who are still being played into thinking they're saving their kind, but it's just losing more of them every day.

Hell, I know people who are probably getting fooled on both sides.

[It's his first open admission that he might have left Mystique behind because of Magneto's brainwashing, or that Magneto was brainwashing him at all.]

private;

[redhourglass]

point is, i should have seen it. it wasn't difficult, once i laid all the pieces down. only then, it was too late.

private;

[ex_outofcontrol435]

[Yeah. Yeah.]

You only see what you wanna see. General you. Especially if you've got a grudge.

private;

[redhourglass]

more like an entire country with a grudge. i was just living in it. but it doesn't excuse what i did. not that the people who died were all innocent either.

but. it shouldn't have gone down.

private;

[ex_outofcontrol435]

So you weren't part of the cause. Why'd you do it in the first place? I mean yeah, you're good at it, but that must have taken practice.

private;

[redhourglass]

i was ... young. and then i wasn't and i didn't realize i was being controlled until it was too late.

private;

[ex_outofcontrol435]

Never too late to get free. And that sounds a lot like someone else's fault more than yours.

private;

[redhourglass]

it doesn't matter now. i'm free now.

private;

[ex_outofcontrol435]

Then it all comes back to why you still care.

private;

[redhourglass]

who i was.

it won't let me be who i want to be.

private;

[ex_outofcontrol435]

That's bullshit. The past is over. It can't do anything to you unless you let it.

private;

[redhourglass]

it's a little more complicated than that.