asgardeventide | seventh bite | anon text / action

[ most of the time, natasha could keep her guilt to a bare minimum. she could tell herself, "i didn't know" or "i was a pawn," and maybe that would get her through the day. maybe she could say that her life was worth it because she was atoning for her debts through her work with SHIELD, saving lives one life at a time. her ledger might be dripping red, but there would be enough time; with her expanded lifespan, she would have the rest of whatever time she had left to pay back those she'd hurt.

today, however, it was unbearable. she'd heard rumors about the apple trees around the city and never one to trust the word of others, she'd thought to try it herself. it had only taken a bite before the apple had dropped out of her hand and she'd fled, into the shadows of an alley, up a roof, and somewhere safe.

somewhere dark. somewhere high.

that was earlier. it's now evening and she's sitting at a bar, swirling a liquid in her drink that smells to high heaven and certainly does not look like water. to those that know her, she's looking more morose than usual, hard lines in her face softened to something that resembles grief. ]

if you did something so horrible that you hurt many people, but you spent the rest of your life paying for it,
how long would you have to pay before it was undone?

[ anonymous red text makes an appearance on the network. natasha swirls her glass. the world is quiet. ]

ooc: my late contribution to the Fruits of Our Labor Event! feel free to respond to natasha in person (action) or on the network!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

i was ... young. and then i wasn't and i didn't realize i was being controlled until it was too late.

Never too late to get free. And that sounds a lot like someone else's fault more than yours.

it doesn't matter now. i'm free now.

Then it all comes back to why you still care.

who i was.

it won't let me be who i want to be.

That's bullshit. The past is over. It can't do anything to you unless you let it.

it's a little more complicated than that.

What, someone's blackmailing you?

no. unless i'm blackmailing myself.

So it's just conscience. Like I said, bullshit. You do what you have to do, and most people aren't lucky enough for it to be pretty.

or i just don't want to explain the whole situation to you because it's complicated.

but what you said works well enough.

You know what? I actually get that. Complicated, personal, stupid, whatever. There's shit you don't want to tell.

But whatever it is, if it already happened, moping around about it is nothing but a huge waste of time.

not already happened. is happening. is making all of this more complicated.

it's too complicated to explain and now you're not making sense. it might be best if you stopped trying.

You got to watch my tantrum, I don't get to watch you piss and whine over bad choices?

Fine with me. There's way better things to do around here.

it wasn't a choice i made here, or one that i even made consciously. i kept a secret about myself. i should have probably said something. end of story. that's not even the larger issue.

sorry i can't amuse you more.

You're pretty annoyingly vague when you're wearing red. I think anyone'd get bored of the guessing games after awhile.

maybe one day i'll tell you the whole story. it's a long one, and a bit of a bore.

Can't wait.

Until then, stop sulking and get over yourself.

i'll keep that in mind.

seventh bite | anon text / action | backdated day 323

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